Ok, daily as part of my prayer I ask the Lord to put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to His perfect will. Gotta admit….saying this has become a little routine. But I assure you that I truly mean it. Every now and again, a little light bulb will go off reminding me that He is indeed ordering my steps and answering my daily prayer. The light bulb went off last night.
If I’ve never mentioned, my weekdays are looooong. My commute starts with a bus ride, then I hop on the train at the end of the line, and do a transfer at one of the busiest transfer stops. A total of 18 stops to be exact---but who’s counting (lol). When I get off of work more than likely I will hit the gym even if it’s for a brief 20 minute de-stressor walk. Then I do the same commute routine back home, most times stopping at the grocery store, not getting home til 8:45p. Once home, it seems like my second job begins. From showering to re-packing the gym bag and lunch, cooking dinner, checking mail, returning phone calls, etc. It’s a constant cycle.
Usually when I get home I automatically turn on the television in the living room just to bring some noise to my quiet abode. As soon as I hit the ON switch its lively since the television in the living room is set to the music channels. My intentions last night was to chill on the sofa, balance my checkbook, and watch Hawthorne. But for some reason I was so tired that I decided to forfeit my daily routine and wind down in my bedroom.
So I went in the room to watch Hawthorne. But right before I was about to change the channel I saw this Caucasian guy preaching on Daystar TV. Had never seen him before, but he caught my eyes and ears. He was dressed real casual, but very witty and deep. He was talking about self-promotion---one of my favorite topics (lol). He was saying how ministers in the Gospel self-promote their “ministries”, and basically…..its wrong. Same stuff I’ve been venting about over the last year in this blog. Folk and their flamboyant websites with full body shots pasted everywhere and now many being a part of reality shows, etc. Dude was on a roll. He obviously had a main topic, but it was spiraling into different areas as these.
Then he started talking about how Christians are now mimicking the world. He mentioned the Gospel version of American Idol that he stumbled across a few months ago. He said there were judges critiquing a sister who had sung Amazing Grace. He was like “c’mon dude…..AMAZING GRACE!!!” I have to agree…..that song ain’t even about the singing, it’s about the message. Dude was worked up. And the funny thing is I concurred cause I knew exactly what show he was referring to---hmmmmm. He was saying how we’ve conformed and followed the world so much that now the world is looking down on the church. Then he said…… “a shepherd who follows the sheep walks in poop.” The other word would give a nice ring to the phrase, but we won’t go there—lol. I fell out laughing cause its so true.
So then he talked about what it means to be called to ministry---timing and being positioned to truly hear from God. Of course he touched on the issue that many of us are calling ourselves into ministry. He gave an example of a woman who should be home raising 4 little “champions for Jesus”, but instead she’s out promoting her “Christian” book and leaving her children with the nanny. Of course you know this was right up my alley!!! Cause I strongly support marriage, parenting, and properly maintaining the household as the first ministry. And cringe when a momma AND DADDY are neglecting their God given duties for the sake of “purpose”. Ummm, Mrs. Wanted-to-be-Vice-President!!
So I continued to listen. It was waaay past the intro of Hawthorne, but my eyes were glued on this guy. So then he talked about when he was first called to ministry back in the 80s how everybody wanted to give him the keys to being successful in ministry. One guy told him that he needed to dress for success, wearing the finest custom-made suits. And so he this advice. And then another person told him that he needed to network at every Christian conference, handing out his business card. He said he would hand out his card that said……Got gifts, will travel. I cracked up. I knew it wasn’t literal, but that is the slogan we paste on our foreheads. Just being real gullible, and shining our light instead of letting our light shine. Then dude was like…..he woke up cause for one, none of this stuff was working. But more importantly…..it wasn’t the example Christ gave us. He was like....the disciples were walking around in itchy burlap sacks with a belt around it, eating bugs and honey, and preaching the Gospel—LOL. I was in tears laughing.
By this time I was like WHO IS THIS DUDE and WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN HIM BEFORE. I was about to call the 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen, but then I saw his name flash across the screen……..John Bevere. I was like….you have got to be kidding me!!!! [My friend] turned me on to John Bevere about two years ago. He had told me to read Driven by Eternity. I had purchased it, but it was like number 42 on my list of books to read---lol. Seriously, I’m a book junkie—lol. Finally, last spring as I traveled to the west coast I read it and was absolutely impressed. I love good writing. Ironically, I had seen an interview with John’s wife, Lisa, a couple of months ago and was impressed. They both have really good delivery.
Ok, so Hawthorne was a no go. Sorry Jada, but I was watching what I needed to be watching.
Then dude talked about an issue that has become taboo in the church. Again, I ain’t try’na prove nothing, but I be stressing this stuff in these writings--lol. And every now and again satan will try to creep up and say that I’m totally missing the mark. But something in my Spirit tells me otherwise. So it felt good for dude to touch on an issue that I blogged about last year in my entry…..Oh to Suffer.
So dude started talking about…….suffering. How being a true Christian means to suffer. Having a desert experience is essential to being an effective Christian. There’s no way around suffering. Then he hit me in my gut. He told what suffering is not.
First, suffering is not……..living with a sickness, illness, injury, or disease. Suffering is not waiting for healing. If that were so then the scripture: But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) would be a lie.
Second, suffering is not………living in poverty. Suffering is not waiting for the money train to come. Dude quoted the simple scripture: And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). I mean, everybody knows this scripture like the back of the hand. But I gotta admit……it didn’t register to me until recently.
He said that if sickness and being broke was considered suffering for Christ then the Word of God would be a big fat lie! Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when my finances are challenged I think that I’m in that state of being because God is trying to get my attention. But I’m learning that perhaps God is trying to get my attention to say that it is not His will for me to be in that place. And to remind me that He indeed gave me the skills and power to get out of it. I ain’t talking about having more money than I know what to do with. But I’m talking about being able to pay off a bill or two. Or to get a decent meal without worrying that I may not be able to eat for the rest of the week. I’m learning.
But then he broke down in a real simple definition what it really means to suffer. He said that suffering is when you are in the midst of a trial and you choose to obey God. That’s it. It could be 40 hours or 40 years. He said that we can extend suffering, but we cannot lessen it for we all must suffer as Christ did. He talked about Paul and Silas, and many others who's ministry was from prison. Not having a "prison ministry", but actually being the prisoner--lol. He just broke it down to real simple terms.
Therefore, suffering has nothing to do with being in an unhappy a marriage, longing for a mate, hoping for a career change, or stressing through a semester. No, no, no…..that’s feelings, not suffering. I guess suffering would probably be choosing to honor God by staying in, and being committed to, an “unhappy” marriage, seeking marriage counseling, trying to make it work, and not falling prey to adulterous activities even if you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause you made a vow to your spouse. And to God. Whew….now that’s some serious suffering.
But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” --Acts 9:15-16
Ok, I gotta be honest……now that I know what real suffering is, I ain’t had too many suffering experiences. I mean, I’d like to believe that I am an uncompromising Christian. And I’d have to say that my season is a little dry--lol. But I haven’t had too many suffering experiences where my flesh is so agonized that in the end I choose God. Ok, I take that back. I had one of those experiences last week. Umph. Sure did. Wow, now that I think about it I’ve had quite a few suffering experiences. Umph. Guess I am growing---lol. (deep breath).
One of the last points dude said was that it is only after a desert experience of suffering that you will gain power. Not before, not during, but AFTER. I guess I knew all of this, but it felt so good to hear it from a fresh perspective.
Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. –Revelation 2:10
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
With This Ring.....
What a weekend. Every last Friday of the month my church has all night prayer from 10p-6am. And this past Friday was prayer night. Actually, it’s a little more than prayer since a portion of it is prophetic, and a portion is praise and worship. I hadn’t done an all-night prayer in about two months or so, so my body wasn’t really prepared for it. Sad to say that I discontinued my fast a week earlier than the rest. ---OK, I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. Prior to the last time...I did the gusto. An all-night/all-day prayer. That one was 7p on Friday to 7p on Saturday. YESSSSSS……straight through. So I knew what to expect, but my body was on its own pace. But I’m enjoying every minute of this because I asked for it. I luuuuv going deep in the Lord.
Anyway, so I actually wanted to write this entry on Saturday, but I ain’t gonna lie…..I stayed in the bed from the time I got in which was about 8:30a Saturday morning til it was time to get up for church on Sunday morning. I was just that exhausted. I had no physical energy. My body was so limp. Understandably so cause during prayer I cried out to God so much that I felt dehydrated. Especially during the prophetic part. I mean, those prophesies were coming so strong, pulling up all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t help but cry for others. One prophecy to a husband and a wife about their second born son took me so far that I had to just fall on my knees in prayer. It was just that deep.
But these prayer services are really needed. At least for me they are. But when the church is packed out, ummm I guess others feel the same way. But we pray for a number of issues and things. We do intercession for our loved ones, the church, the country, we pray for it all. We let the Spirit lead. Our Arch Bishop participated with us this time and so he touched on some things that were really, really deep. Things that I had heard in the past coming from a deliverance ministry and apostolic background. But on Friday night he took it to a whole another level.
Ok, bear with me cause I want to make sure I say this right. Ok, one of the things that my pastor and guest evangelists have been teaching us over the months is the dangers of soul ties. Of being so connected with an individual or thing that you worship it. You begin to idolize that thing or person. It’s funny because I’ve always felt this way about the dangers of soul ties even before coming to this ministry. I cringe when people say stuff like….such and such is my soul mate. Or…..we were soul mates. Ok, nobody should have your soul BUT GOD. Not your husband, not your children, not your baby’s father, not your pastor, not your church, not your career. ONLY GOD.
So on Friday night one of the prayers that we put on the altar was to break soul ties and ungodly relationships. I’d like to believe that I’m exempt from putting negative folk in my circle and falling for the wrong man, but even the best of us get tripped up sometimes---LOL. So when the soul ties thing came up my ears were perked cause I needed to hear this.
Anyway, so as we were praying and putting our soul ties on the altar, Arch Bishop told us that there are two things that we must be very careful of receiving from folk which could determine the level or depth of a soul tie. I was all-ears. I knew what one was, but I needed to know what the other was. Ok, the one I didn’t know was that we must be careful of receiving perfume or gifts of fragrance from people. As soon as he said it my mind did a…...dododododo…..mental scan of my bathroom. Yep, ain’t that the truth. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit a sistah. I could think off the top of my head 5 perfumes that was given to me by suspect folk, not including lotions. The funny thing is that each person who gave me those gifts---for no special reason---are all folk that I cut off within the last few years.
As I sat there listening I was astonished. It was all coming back to me. What he said was that fragrance is an attractor and you have to be really careful of, of course, who you attract. But the deep part is that if the giver has negative motives about you, even as innocent as wishing they’d accomplish what you accomplished, or even about themselves you can be receiving their negative spirits and attracting those same type of folk to you. Hearing this goes a lot deeper for me.
Ironically, for the last 7 or so years this woman, an older mother-figure woman, took me under her wings at work and just started showering me with gifts. At first it was very uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to people giving me gifts for no reason. I mean, my birthday is one thing, but I’d come to work and there would be a Coach shopping bag on my chair with a beautiful Coach purse in it. One day, I came to work and there was a shopping bag with a 1,000 count Egyptian cotton sheet set. I know the sheets had to cost close to $300. I know the brand well, but could never afford them. But she knew my love for sheets and surprised me with them….just for the heck of it.
Her gifts to me were endless---had my family raising an eyebrow. From jewelry to clothes to shoes to all types of designer handbags to food to electronics to money to gift cards……the gifts were endless. And so at first I knew the Lord was dealing with me because He was teaching me how to receive. See, I’m a giver by nature, but not to that extent. But I do love to give. Over the years it’s been an issue with me learning how to receive and so I thought that my colleague was very instrumental in helping me to learn; how to accept from others. But what I didn’t understand until years later was that there was a spirit behind all of that giving.
Ok, this is where it gets heavy. My colleague had given me several bottles of perfume---Angel, Givenchy, and another designer. But there was one lotion that she’d given me that I had no idea where it came from. The brand was unknown and to be honest it didn’t seem like anything expensive or even popular because of the packaging. But I loved the lotion, not just the bold floral scent, but I loved the lotion because it really moisturized my body. It had a good texture to it.
One day I wore it to work and another colleague, one of my guy friends, made a comment saying…….. “Jill, you smell like you been to Georgia Avenue.” Gotta admit it was sooo funny when he said it. But what I didn’t like was that I HATE Georgia Avenue. Georgia Avenue, near Howard University, has always been demonic to me. Even as a child I felt weird being up in that area. There’s a very negative aura about Georgia Avenue. A lot of muslims and mosques are up there, as well as other religious cults. So after he said it, I started to feel creepy. But I didn’t stop wearing it cause “I” liked it. The funny thing is that because my colleague had her connections where she got the lotion from for “a discount”, I had to rely on her to maintain my supply.
Then stuff started happening. Within the last two years [my friend] came in my life. I’m very private in that area but there were times when I just had to share little things beyond my inner circle that made me blush. So this particular day, I actually had his photo on my phone’s home screen, I mentioned him to her. I told her that I’d met a guy who I really liked, and who was also digging me. Her face was flushed. She didn’t comment, but just looked at me like she had no interest in my interest. Let me go back a moment. My colleague is divorced and has 4 adult daughters. None of them are married and if someone ask if or when her daughters will marry she makes it clear that they’re not interested in being married, and she supports that. Case close.
But since I had told her about [my friend], things just started to change between me and her. She started to change towards me. And I started to feel differently towards her. She had an apparent jealousy towards [my friend] and she’d never even met him. The gifts still kept coming, but it started to feel really weird. I had spoken to him about the situation and the funny thing is that he told me to stop accepting gifts from her especially fragrances. I never questioned why perfume, but I respected his advice.
Anyway, my 39th birthday was this past February and so as a gift she gave me a couple hundred dollars. When I opened the card and saw the money I felt really uneasy. I did thank her, but I told her that I could no longer receive gifts from her. She took it really negatively. Now when I see her I see so much darkness and turmoil. It’s a spirit that I can’t put my finger on. Several other colleagues say it’s a lesbian spirit, but she has never made any sexual advances towards me even though I know that that spirit goes way beyond sexual immorality. She ain’t crazy, though. But aside from that I've never known her to be interested in woman. Or anybody for that matter. So not know how to really handle the situation I've just been keeping my distance. I do pray for her, but that’s the extent of our communication. The ironic thing is that since my birthday, around the time I cut her off, all hell has broken loose with me and [my friend]. But God is in control of that situation.
Anyway, the other thing that my Arch Bishop told us to be careful in accepting from folk is jewelry--- especially rings. In many African customs, don’t know if its in all, but if a man gives a woman an engagement ring with the intentions of marrying her the woman is automatically considered his if she indeed accepts the ring. That’s even before the marriage vows. You can’t just accept the ring on a contingency, try-out basis. No, you are bound to that person. Engagements here in America are totally different than in Africa, and probably from any other continents. Cause we take things so lightly here. Accepting jewelry from the wrong person is very dangerous. But I knew about the jewelry thing waaay before I started attending this church.
Years ago, I remember hearing stories about my great-grandmother and how there was an issue with her and another woman sharing the same wedding ring from my great-grandfather. I remember hearing the story when I was little. But it came to the forefront years later when my mother was given a prophecy from an evangelist who told her about the situation and the ring, and how it was a curse on our family. That evening my mother stood in the gap for my family and allowed the Lord to break the curse. But after hearing what was said it just all sorta lined up to our family’s quality of life during that time. So I’ve ALWAYS been leery about folk giving me jewelry.
About five years ago, my colleague, an Asian woman who is buddhist, gave me a beautiful bracelet for my birthday. It was encrusted with pure Amethyst, my birthstone. We share the same birthstone so I assume she felt the need to go there with me. When she gave it to me it was the talk of the office because this woman was known to have come from a very wealthy family. Not knowing how to reject a gift, I accepted it but as soon as I got home I threw it away. Didn’t think twice about it. Something didn’t sit well with me. And that’s waaay before I decided to recommit myself back to Christ. But I know demonic forces and how they operate. Again, I come from a deliverance ministry, and understand quite well that spirits are real.
Jewelry---especially rings---represents a covenant. In a lot of situations, it can be a silent-covenant, but it is indeed a covenant. As a woman, if a man gives me diamond earrings to me we have a bond. Ok, I’m not talking about naivety, but real, solid feelings. Jewelry makes a statement. Always have, always will. I heard some of my male colleagues say that they would never accept a watch from a woman who is not their wife because to them it’s symbolic of a woman controlling their time. All this is funny, and seems very spooky, but you’d be surprised with the motives and meanings behind gifts. It can be a very dangerous thing.
A few years back, a former sister-friend gave me a beautiful silver necklace when I passed the real estate exam. She and I were very close friends until she started cheating on her husband with a married associate of ours. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t supporting her mess and so we started drifting apart. I’d hope things would get better between us, but it was a domino effect that just knocked everything and everybody out. Aside from her being from Haiti in which she had dabbled in voodoo “for fun” in her younger days, I loved her. She claimed she’d steer cleared of her past and grasped on to Jesus. I couldn’t see no real evidence, but I took her at her word. Cause she was my girl. With a good heart. And so when she started acting funny I didn’t change cause I refused to change due to her negativity. For years I’d stumble over the necklace in my jewelry box reminiscing on our best days, but never had a desire to wear it. I still have the necklace since it represents an accomplishment in which she shared in. Umph. Soul ties. Ain’t like I didn’t see that one coming---lol. I don't even know where I was going with this one--LOL.
Anyway, so yesterday I was soooo tired when it was time to get up for church. But I knew I had a mission aside from making it to church before my pastor got up to preach. –OK I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. But yes, before I left for church I went through my bedroom and bathroom, and trashed EVERY perfume and fragrance given to me from questionable folk. I threw it all away. Didn’t think twice about it. Tonight I’m going home and tackling the jewelry box. But right now I’m starting with the small silver hoops in my ears. TRASH!!!
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? --Mark 8:37
Anyway, so I actually wanted to write this entry on Saturday, but I ain’t gonna lie…..I stayed in the bed from the time I got in which was about 8:30a Saturday morning til it was time to get up for church on Sunday morning. I was just that exhausted. I had no physical energy. My body was so limp. Understandably so cause during prayer I cried out to God so much that I felt dehydrated. Especially during the prophetic part. I mean, those prophesies were coming so strong, pulling up all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t help but cry for others. One prophecy to a husband and a wife about their second born son took me so far that I had to just fall on my knees in prayer. It was just that deep.
But these prayer services are really needed. At least for me they are. But when the church is packed out, ummm I guess others feel the same way. But we pray for a number of issues and things. We do intercession for our loved ones, the church, the country, we pray for it all. We let the Spirit lead. Our Arch Bishop participated with us this time and so he touched on some things that were really, really deep. Things that I had heard in the past coming from a deliverance ministry and apostolic background. But on Friday night he took it to a whole another level.
Ok, bear with me cause I want to make sure I say this right. Ok, one of the things that my pastor and guest evangelists have been teaching us over the months is the dangers of soul ties. Of being so connected with an individual or thing that you worship it. You begin to idolize that thing or person. It’s funny because I’ve always felt this way about the dangers of soul ties even before coming to this ministry. I cringe when people say stuff like….such and such is my soul mate. Or…..we were soul mates. Ok, nobody should have your soul BUT GOD. Not your husband, not your children, not your baby’s father, not your pastor, not your church, not your career. ONLY GOD.
So on Friday night one of the prayers that we put on the altar was to break soul ties and ungodly relationships. I’d like to believe that I’m exempt from putting negative folk in my circle and falling for the wrong man, but even the best of us get tripped up sometimes---LOL. So when the soul ties thing came up my ears were perked cause I needed to hear this.
Anyway, so as we were praying and putting our soul ties on the altar, Arch Bishop told us that there are two things that we must be very careful of receiving from folk which could determine the level or depth of a soul tie. I was all-ears. I knew what one was, but I needed to know what the other was. Ok, the one I didn’t know was that we must be careful of receiving perfume or gifts of fragrance from people. As soon as he said it my mind did a…...dododododo…..mental scan of my bathroom. Yep, ain’t that the truth. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit a sistah. I could think off the top of my head 5 perfumes that was given to me by suspect folk, not including lotions. The funny thing is that each person who gave me those gifts---for no special reason---are all folk that I cut off within the last few years.
As I sat there listening I was astonished. It was all coming back to me. What he said was that fragrance is an attractor and you have to be really careful of, of course, who you attract. But the deep part is that if the giver has negative motives about you, even as innocent as wishing they’d accomplish what you accomplished, or even about themselves you can be receiving their negative spirits and attracting those same type of folk to you. Hearing this goes a lot deeper for me.
Ironically, for the last 7 or so years this woman, an older mother-figure woman, took me under her wings at work and just started showering me with gifts. At first it was very uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to people giving me gifts for no reason. I mean, my birthday is one thing, but I’d come to work and there would be a Coach shopping bag on my chair with a beautiful Coach purse in it. One day, I came to work and there was a shopping bag with a 1,000 count Egyptian cotton sheet set. I know the sheets had to cost close to $300. I know the brand well, but could never afford them. But she knew my love for sheets and surprised me with them….just for the heck of it.
Her gifts to me were endless---had my family raising an eyebrow. From jewelry to clothes to shoes to all types of designer handbags to food to electronics to money to gift cards……the gifts were endless. And so at first I knew the Lord was dealing with me because He was teaching me how to receive. See, I’m a giver by nature, but not to that extent. But I do love to give. Over the years it’s been an issue with me learning how to receive and so I thought that my colleague was very instrumental in helping me to learn; how to accept from others. But what I didn’t understand until years later was that there was a spirit behind all of that giving.
Ok, this is where it gets heavy. My colleague had given me several bottles of perfume---Angel, Givenchy, and another designer. But there was one lotion that she’d given me that I had no idea where it came from. The brand was unknown and to be honest it didn’t seem like anything expensive or even popular because of the packaging. But I loved the lotion, not just the bold floral scent, but I loved the lotion because it really moisturized my body. It had a good texture to it.
One day I wore it to work and another colleague, one of my guy friends, made a comment saying…….. “Jill, you smell like you been to Georgia Avenue.” Gotta admit it was sooo funny when he said it. But what I didn’t like was that I HATE Georgia Avenue. Georgia Avenue, near Howard University, has always been demonic to me. Even as a child I felt weird being up in that area. There’s a very negative aura about Georgia Avenue. A lot of muslims and mosques are up there, as well as other religious cults. So after he said it, I started to feel creepy. But I didn’t stop wearing it cause “I” liked it. The funny thing is that because my colleague had her connections where she got the lotion from for “a discount”, I had to rely on her to maintain my supply.
Then stuff started happening. Within the last two years [my friend] came in my life. I’m very private in that area but there were times when I just had to share little things beyond my inner circle that made me blush. So this particular day, I actually had his photo on my phone’s home screen, I mentioned him to her. I told her that I’d met a guy who I really liked, and who was also digging me. Her face was flushed. She didn’t comment, but just looked at me like she had no interest in my interest. Let me go back a moment. My colleague is divorced and has 4 adult daughters. None of them are married and if someone ask if or when her daughters will marry she makes it clear that they’re not interested in being married, and she supports that. Case close.
But since I had told her about [my friend], things just started to change between me and her. She started to change towards me. And I started to feel differently towards her. She had an apparent jealousy towards [my friend] and she’d never even met him. The gifts still kept coming, but it started to feel really weird. I had spoken to him about the situation and the funny thing is that he told me to stop accepting gifts from her especially fragrances. I never questioned why perfume, but I respected his advice.
Anyway, my 39th birthday was this past February and so as a gift she gave me a couple hundred dollars. When I opened the card and saw the money I felt really uneasy. I did thank her, but I told her that I could no longer receive gifts from her. She took it really negatively. Now when I see her I see so much darkness and turmoil. It’s a spirit that I can’t put my finger on. Several other colleagues say it’s a lesbian spirit, but she has never made any sexual advances towards me even though I know that that spirit goes way beyond sexual immorality. She ain’t crazy, though. But aside from that I've never known her to be interested in woman. Or anybody for that matter. So not know how to really handle the situation I've just been keeping my distance. I do pray for her, but that’s the extent of our communication. The ironic thing is that since my birthday, around the time I cut her off, all hell has broken loose with me and [my friend]. But God is in control of that situation.
Anyway, the other thing that my Arch Bishop told us to be careful in accepting from folk is jewelry--- especially rings. In many African customs, don’t know if its in all, but if a man gives a woman an engagement ring with the intentions of marrying her the woman is automatically considered his if she indeed accepts the ring. That’s even before the marriage vows. You can’t just accept the ring on a contingency, try-out basis. No, you are bound to that person. Engagements here in America are totally different than in Africa, and probably from any other continents. Cause we take things so lightly here. Accepting jewelry from the wrong person is very dangerous. But I knew about the jewelry thing waaay before I started attending this church.
Years ago, I remember hearing stories about my great-grandmother and how there was an issue with her and another woman sharing the same wedding ring from my great-grandfather. I remember hearing the story when I was little. But it came to the forefront years later when my mother was given a prophecy from an evangelist who told her about the situation and the ring, and how it was a curse on our family. That evening my mother stood in the gap for my family and allowed the Lord to break the curse. But after hearing what was said it just all sorta lined up to our family’s quality of life during that time. So I’ve ALWAYS been leery about folk giving me jewelry.
About five years ago, my colleague, an Asian woman who is buddhist, gave me a beautiful bracelet for my birthday. It was encrusted with pure Amethyst, my birthstone. We share the same birthstone so I assume she felt the need to go there with me. When she gave it to me it was the talk of the office because this woman was known to have come from a very wealthy family. Not knowing how to reject a gift, I accepted it but as soon as I got home I threw it away. Didn’t think twice about it. Something didn’t sit well with me. And that’s waaay before I decided to recommit myself back to Christ. But I know demonic forces and how they operate. Again, I come from a deliverance ministry, and understand quite well that spirits are real.
Jewelry---especially rings---represents a covenant. In a lot of situations, it can be a silent-covenant, but it is indeed a covenant. As a woman, if a man gives me diamond earrings to me we have a bond. Ok, I’m not talking about naivety, but real, solid feelings. Jewelry makes a statement. Always have, always will. I heard some of my male colleagues say that they would never accept a watch from a woman who is not their wife because to them it’s symbolic of a woman controlling their time. All this is funny, and seems very spooky, but you’d be surprised with the motives and meanings behind gifts. It can be a very dangerous thing.
A few years back, a former sister-friend gave me a beautiful silver necklace when I passed the real estate exam. She and I were very close friends until she started cheating on her husband with a married associate of ours. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t supporting her mess and so we started drifting apart. I’d hope things would get better between us, but it was a domino effect that just knocked everything and everybody out. Aside from her being from Haiti in which she had dabbled in voodoo “for fun” in her younger days, I loved her. She claimed she’d steer cleared of her past and grasped on to Jesus. I couldn’t see no real evidence, but I took her at her word. Cause she was my girl. With a good heart. And so when she started acting funny I didn’t change cause I refused to change due to her negativity. For years I’d stumble over the necklace in my jewelry box reminiscing on our best days, but never had a desire to wear it. I still have the necklace since it represents an accomplishment in which she shared in. Umph. Soul ties. Ain’t like I didn’t see that one coming---lol. I don't even know where I was going with this one--LOL.
Anyway, so yesterday I was soooo tired when it was time to get up for church. But I knew I had a mission aside from making it to church before my pastor got up to preach. –OK I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. But yes, before I left for church I went through my bedroom and bathroom, and trashed EVERY perfume and fragrance given to me from questionable folk. I threw it all away. Didn’t think twice about it. Tonight I’m going home and tackling the jewelry box. But right now I’m starting with the small silver hoops in my ears. TRASH!!!
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? --Mark 8:37
Friday, June 26, 2009
What??!!!!!!
No, I wish it wasn’t so. Nope, not the death of my boy Michael Jackson, but that I went to turn on the Gospel station to escape from all the sadness and was surprised by what I heard. “Man in the Mirror” by…………Michael Jackson!!! LOL. Yes, the Gospel station was having their own MJ tribute going on. Wow. What can I say. Dude and all his weirdness and faults was loved. And I take it as a good thing.
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
One Sided Love
Umph. I can go a whole lotta ways with this one. Especially with all the stuff that’s happening in my world--lol. But I’ma take it a different road. The high road. So I proceed in the way it was given to me.
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A Broken Promise
No, no, no this is not a sad, sobby father’s day entry about my no good father who skipped out on me before I was barely conceived. No, ain’t got that kinda time. My final feelings on that is I refuse to bring a child in this world who does not have a father who is devotedly committed to not just him/her, but to their mommy as well. So I rest my case on the father’s day thing, but do give a shout out to my step-father for being a man after God’s own heart and with that…..everything else seems to fall in place. But today I got something else on my mind. And on my heart.
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I've Noticed......
I’ve noticed two things about myself this morning. Actually, I been knew them but just this morning, and this week, they shouted out at me. I love this saying that I heard about a year or so ago……. a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. So of course when my inner me screamed at my outer me I knew that it was serious---lol. If I haven’t mentioned, my church is on a two-week fast and so when I’m fasting I get all types of strange revelations. And sometimes I’m like, HUUUUH? Lol. It’s something about when the Lord puts me in my place. I so love the Lord. Really, I do.
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Intellectual Faith
Intellectual faith. Umph. Can the two really co-exist? I struggled with this thought for several years. I’ve always been one to support intelligence, especially in the church. In fact, an intellect is the #2 on my Must Have Qualities in a Husband list--lol. I thrive off of folk who challenges my mind. I’m a thinker by nature and so it is only natural for me to approach every situation with careful thought and reason. But if we’re living in Christ do we need to be intellectual? Or should I say….apply our intellect to our faith? About a year or so ago I got the answer.
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
Monday, June 15, 2009
Symbols of Salvation
Wow…..what a great Monday!!! Anything but the Monday blues. Surprisingly, I’m good today. I know it has something to do with the church’s fast--lol. Anywho…..T.D. Jakes gave a piece of this list in his sermon yesterday, but I thought I’d extend it. Enjoy
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Going Public
Do folk really know the responsibility of “going public”?????? For several years I maintained a career in public relations, even majoring in it in undergrad. I still have friends and colleagues who call me asking for advice on some aspect of the field—whether its publicity or image development or cause-related marketing or whatever. And usually my advice yields favorable results. And even though I am in a totally different industry now, my position requires skills in relating to the public. So I’d like to think that I know a little sumthin, sumthin about the craft--lol.
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Monday, June 8, 2009
At the Crossroads
Wow. My pastor was on point. At the beginning of the year I sat down with him to chat and he looked at me without interruption and said…… “Jill, this year the path will become so clear to you.” Of course I accepted what he said, not just out of authority, but because I had already believed it in my heart. Things I wanted answers to, I just knew God would reveal to me in due time. However, I didn’t know it would be necessarily this year.
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about every little thing that we’ve built up over the years in our own little might we gotta release when we choose the road to eternal life. Yeah, to walk down this road you may have to strip down to the bare essentials---lol.
I use myself as an example. I’ve known the Lord all my life. And I’ve served Him all my life. Ok, not all but most--lol. I was born and raised in the Pentecostal church. But it wasn’t until September 2007---yep not even a full two years ago---that I CHOSE the road to eternal life. To serve God with all of me. That is…..mind, body, and soul. And so my choices are no longer my choice cause I’ve made the initial choice at the crossroads to commit wholeheartedly to Him. I sold my soul to Christ. I repented and invited Him as my Lord and Savior. That means, God makes all of my life’s decisions---who I marry, befriend, career, etc. Not me. Yeah, yeah….I know we all like to think that God makes our decisions, but it’s much different on this road. On the other roads we make the decisions and “pray” that God will work a miracle around it---or not allow the devil to bust it up--lol. But the decisions on this road extend far past what we want and our personal desires. And it ain't always easy. This road is dedicated to fulfilling God’s purpose.
In addition to that, and most importantly, this road is about folk giving their lives as a living sacrifice to God. It’s a road of pure worship. In fact, at the start of this road while personal desires are forfeited we enter in with the expectation of seeing God’s face. The beauty and glory of God. Not just for a certain time span, but for eternity. We enter in expecting that God is going to do what His Word says. That’s what real faith is. Talk about FAITH. Entering this road is truly a walk of faith. So for those who are self-motivated and self-focused…….the road to eternal life will be a challenge--lol.
Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when I decided to commit to God I had no idea what to expect on this road. I call this road my “journey”. In early 2007, an acquaintance came to me and said….. “God could really use you in His kingdom.” Those were fighting words to me cause…….cause I KNEW God. But who I thought I knew didn’t add up to the quality of my life. So I started searching. Cause I wanted the peace and assurance that other true believers on this road were experiencing. Aside from that…….anything had to be better than the yellow brick road to emerald city I’d been traveling on. I’ve said this many times in previous entries that each time I earned a degree or gained an accomplishment I felt depressed and empty. Those were definitely my crossroad experiences. So in September 2007 when the final crossroads was presented to me, I said…… “this time I’ma try it God’s way.” And so I took a leap of faith and hopped onto the road to eternal life.
I’m a witness……choosing this road in the beginning seems dull and boring. But just when you’re at the point where you say…..Lord its just me and you……the benefits start flowing. And I mean, BOUNTIFUL benefits. To name all I’d have to start a new entry. But I will say that just the peace of God alone is enough to carry me through this lifetime. And you know what the funny thing is……because I’m focused on God’s face and not His hand, He’s taking care of my EVERY need. I’ve received multiple raises on my job in one year. Not to mention career advancements. Doors have been opening, folk just coming out of nowhere to help fulfill the mission and purpose in which the Lord has called me to do. It’s absolutely amazing. And if that's not enough......He's even fulfilled some of my heart's deepest desires. Cause I make it my mission to line my heart with His will.
Now let me clarify something……I ain’t here trying to preach perfection, nor am I trying to judge anybody. But the way the world is headed these days…….we need to know that we know that we know where we are headed. Bottomline. Just about every prophecy in the Bible is coming to pass. And that’s enough to make the right decision. So its your choice.
I guess some may ask…..how do you know the yellow brick road folk, from the road to nowhere folk, from the road to darkness folk, from the road to eternal life folk. Well, according to the Word of God:
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,‘ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. --Luke 6:43-49
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about every little thing that we’ve built up over the years in our own little might we gotta release when we choose the road to eternal life. Yeah, to walk down this road you may have to strip down to the bare essentials---lol.
I use myself as an example. I’ve known the Lord all my life. And I’ve served Him all my life. Ok, not all but most--lol. I was born and raised in the Pentecostal church. But it wasn’t until September 2007---yep not even a full two years ago---that I CHOSE the road to eternal life. To serve God with all of me. That is…..mind, body, and soul. And so my choices are no longer my choice cause I’ve made the initial choice at the crossroads to commit wholeheartedly to Him. I sold my soul to Christ. I repented and invited Him as my Lord and Savior. That means, God makes all of my life’s decisions---who I marry, befriend, career, etc. Not me. Yeah, yeah….I know we all like to think that God makes our decisions, but it’s much different on this road. On the other roads we make the decisions and “pray” that God will work a miracle around it---or not allow the devil to bust it up--lol. But the decisions on this road extend far past what we want and our personal desires. And it ain't always easy. This road is dedicated to fulfilling God’s purpose.
In addition to that, and most importantly, this road is about folk giving their lives as a living sacrifice to God. It’s a road of pure worship. In fact, at the start of this road while personal desires are forfeited we enter in with the expectation of seeing God’s face. The beauty and glory of God. Not just for a certain time span, but for eternity. We enter in expecting that God is going to do what His Word says. That’s what real faith is. Talk about FAITH. Entering this road is truly a walk of faith. So for those who are self-motivated and self-focused…….the road to eternal life will be a challenge--lol.
Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when I decided to commit to God I had no idea what to expect on this road. I call this road my “journey”. In early 2007, an acquaintance came to me and said….. “God could really use you in His kingdom.” Those were fighting words to me cause…….cause I KNEW God. But who I thought I knew didn’t add up to the quality of my life. So I started searching. Cause I wanted the peace and assurance that other true believers on this road were experiencing. Aside from that…….anything had to be better than the yellow brick road to emerald city I’d been traveling on. I’ve said this many times in previous entries that each time I earned a degree or gained an accomplishment I felt depressed and empty. Those were definitely my crossroad experiences. So in September 2007 when the final crossroads was presented to me, I said…… “this time I’ma try it God’s way.” And so I took a leap of faith and hopped onto the road to eternal life.
I’m a witness……choosing this road in the beginning seems dull and boring. But just when you’re at the point where you say…..Lord its just me and you……the benefits start flowing. And I mean, BOUNTIFUL benefits. To name all I’d have to start a new entry. But I will say that just the peace of God alone is enough to carry me through this lifetime. And you know what the funny thing is……because I’m focused on God’s face and not His hand, He’s taking care of my EVERY need. I’ve received multiple raises on my job in one year. Not to mention career advancements. Doors have been opening, folk just coming out of nowhere to help fulfill the mission and purpose in which the Lord has called me to do. It’s absolutely amazing. And if that's not enough......He's even fulfilled some of my heart's deepest desires. Cause I make it my mission to line my heart with His will.
Now let me clarify something……I ain’t here trying to preach perfection, nor am I trying to judge anybody. But the way the world is headed these days…….we need to know that we know that we know where we are headed. Bottomline. Just about every prophecy in the Bible is coming to pass. And that’s enough to make the right decision. So its your choice.
I guess some may ask…..how do you know the yellow brick road folk, from the road to nowhere folk, from the road to darkness folk, from the road to eternal life folk. Well, according to the Word of God:
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,‘ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. --Luke 6:43-49
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Israel Houghton | Just Wanna' Say | Music Video
Can I just say that I've been blasting this song in my car all week. Israel Houghton, my Spritual buddy, know he bad--lol!!! Aside from the banging beat (you know I luuvs live music), the message is AWESOME!! I felt the need to share....so here it is!!!
I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. --Psalm 37:25
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Window with a View
(Deep Breath). Wow. What a great day. I had my annual physical this morning, and though it was a little hectic making it to my doctor's office through traffic I so needed the change in routine. The last three days have been sooo out of the norm for me. Usually I’m upbeat and always have an encouraging word for others. But this week……I just wasn’t feeling it. At all.
I’m telling you……this week I had it bad. My Monday started off with the blues. And by Tuesday I just didn’t want to get out the bed. So I didn’t. I don’t even think I called in. I just didn’t go to work. By Tuesday night I started mentally preparing myself to make it in to the office on Wednesday. I think I can go a good 24 hours with “the heck with it all” attitude, but give me more than a full day and it all starts pressing down on me. So even if I didn’t feel like going, yesterday I knew it was best to make my way into work--lol. You know what the funny thing is…….I don’t even know the cause of my funky mood. I mean, nothing happened out of the ordinary that made me feel so melancholy. I just woke up on Monday in such a dull womp womp mood.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling really strange. Like a separation from the Lord. Not that He’s left me, but perhaps I've drifted somewhere. I HATE feeling this way. I mean, all hell could break loose, but as long as I have the joy of the Lord I’m good. But lately, I haven’t felt that joy. Sooo unlike me. Cause I’m ALWAYS upbeat. I’m always the happy go lucky one. I’m known to turn lemons into lemonade. And I can always find the silver lining behind a cloud. But not this week. My girlfriend called me on Tuesday with some “news” and I think I gave her some bad advice. Please forgive me, E. Count it to my head and not to my heart—lol.
Yesterday when I got to work I felt better. Between “work” and chatting with a few girlfriends I was good. Then, I did my usual…..went to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better. Somehow the physical knows how to have a conversation with the mental, and so when the two of them hook up in the gym it usually produces some type of chemical reaction that accelerates me for a few days. An hour or so in my workout I got it. But not the normal chemical reaction thingy. Yesterday, I got a reality check that put me back to where I needed to be.
My office building’s gym is really nice. It’s small but quaint. It has these floor to ceiling windows that overlooks L’Enfant Plaza (ok—somewhat), I mean you can see parts of the plaza, but more of the people coming and going to the metro. So as I was walking on the treadmill I saw that the clouds were getting really dark. I knew the forecast had called for a thunderstorm and flooding, but that wasn't suppose to happen until after I got home. At least that’s what I was hoping—lol.
Just as I was finishing up my session it started to look really ugly out. Me and the girls (my workout buddies) just stood for a minute or two in the window amazed at the scene outside. Then we heard the booms and saw a few lightening strikes. At first I was gonna chance it, but then I thought there was NO WAY I could make it even across the street to the metro without getting soaked or even struck by lightening. So I did what my body did not want to do. I climbed back on the treadmill and walked “indefinitely” at a slow 3.0 pace. As I did my cool down walk, I mentally planned my weekend.
Then I got a huge reality check.
It was if God had placed me in front of that window at the right time. What I saw choked me up. To the average “treadmiller” it probably wouldn’t phase. And to be honest at any other time in my life I’d probably joke with the girls about it and move on with life. But last night I had a different reaction.
Ok, I told you that it was storming some kinda bad out, right. Well, it was so bad that the wind was blowing the rain as if it were a hurricane. Seriously, it looked like a hurricane out. And other than the car headlights I couldn’t see anything. Nobody in their right mind was out. It didn't matter if it was way past working hours. Nobody was leaving the building. And as I said, me and the girls knew it would be our best bet to get some extra time in instead of weathering the storm.
But out of nowhere, this heavyset woman was running down the street with no umbrella, no jacket, no hat, no protection just her two tote bags clutched tightly to her sides. I’m sure if she was a little smaller she could pick up her pace. But it didn't really matter cause I'm sure she got drenched when she opened the door to walk out. Extra weight, soaked dress, hair matted to her face and all, she was running through the storm. She was determined to make it to her destination. I imagined she had to make it to her toddler’s daycare by a certain time or she’d be charged extra. Or perhaps she was trying to catch the last bus out of a station at the end of the line. Or maybe she was stuck in one of those abusive relationships where her mate demanded she be home by a certain time. Whatever the reason, it was clear that she needed to be somewhere extremely important.
As the woman was running, she tried to shield her face with her freer arm, but it looked as if the rain was filling up in her bag. Then something fell out causing her stop smack dab in her private puddle to bend down. At this point, I know she was crying but how could I tell. The rain was getting the best of her, but she was fighting back. Cause I could see her clearly through that big window. I watched until she got to the metro door. Then I thought about that darn air conditioner metro keeps on over blast hitting the woman’s wet body.
Then I choke up some more.
I thought about my selfishness over the last few days. And how I’ve been in a melancholy mood……for nothing. I mean, I have NOTHING to be upset about. I don’t have to rush home to nobody. My time and my money are mine. If I choose to do one thing, but change my mind at the very last minute…..it’s ok. Cause I got flexibility on my side. I can jump in my car and drive anywhere in the U.S. that I want. Or hop on a flight to an exotic island on a day's notice. I’m not obligated, nor do I have to operate out of obligation. I’m free to do ME, at the discretion of ME. After doing a quick overview of my life, I knew the Lord had planned this to get my attention.
When I got home, after watching my favorite political couple….the Obamas, I turned on TBN and caught Alvin Slaughter and his son Shawn being interviewed by CeCe Winans. I luuuv the Slaughters (hey Gloria!!!). They’re testimony has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. And so Alvin was talking about what true worship means. And what he said was that worship is the pursuit of being one with God. It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me cause I felt it. And I received it. After just opening myself to the Lord, I couldn’t even watch television any longer. Cause I wanted to be one with Him. And so I drifted off and woke up to worship.
As I was sitting in the doctor’s office this morning, looking out of the huge picture window overlooking the metropolitan area, I just began thanking God. Israel and New Breed’s Every Prayer with Mary Mary kept ringing in my ears. As I silently sang what has become my favorite song of the summer, I couldn’t help but to think about how good it feels to be back in the Lord’s presence. At one point I thought long and hard about what made me drift---mentally/emotionally drift---but then it didn’t really matter. Cause I'm back in His presence. And so my thoughts went back to being one with Him. And then I heard my name called………. “Ms. Morris!!”
If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
I’m telling you……this week I had it bad. My Monday started off with the blues. And by Tuesday I just didn’t want to get out the bed. So I didn’t. I don’t even think I called in. I just didn’t go to work. By Tuesday night I started mentally preparing myself to make it in to the office on Wednesday. I think I can go a good 24 hours with “the heck with it all” attitude, but give me more than a full day and it all starts pressing down on me. So even if I didn’t feel like going, yesterday I knew it was best to make my way into work--lol. You know what the funny thing is…….I don’t even know the cause of my funky mood. I mean, nothing happened out of the ordinary that made me feel so melancholy. I just woke up on Monday in such a dull womp womp mood.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling really strange. Like a separation from the Lord. Not that He’s left me, but perhaps I've drifted somewhere. I HATE feeling this way. I mean, all hell could break loose, but as long as I have the joy of the Lord I’m good. But lately, I haven’t felt that joy. Sooo unlike me. Cause I’m ALWAYS upbeat. I’m always the happy go lucky one. I’m known to turn lemons into lemonade. And I can always find the silver lining behind a cloud. But not this week. My girlfriend called me on Tuesday with some “news” and I think I gave her some bad advice. Please forgive me, E. Count it to my head and not to my heart—lol.
Yesterday when I got to work I felt better. Between “work” and chatting with a few girlfriends I was good. Then, I did my usual…..went to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better. Somehow the physical knows how to have a conversation with the mental, and so when the two of them hook up in the gym it usually produces some type of chemical reaction that accelerates me for a few days. An hour or so in my workout I got it. But not the normal chemical reaction thingy. Yesterday, I got a reality check that put me back to where I needed to be.
My office building’s gym is really nice. It’s small but quaint. It has these floor to ceiling windows that overlooks L’Enfant Plaza (ok—somewhat), I mean you can see parts of the plaza, but more of the people coming and going to the metro. So as I was walking on the treadmill I saw that the clouds were getting really dark. I knew the forecast had called for a thunderstorm and flooding, but that wasn't suppose to happen until after I got home. At least that’s what I was hoping—lol.
Just as I was finishing up my session it started to look really ugly out. Me and the girls (my workout buddies) just stood for a minute or two in the window amazed at the scene outside. Then we heard the booms and saw a few lightening strikes. At first I was gonna chance it, but then I thought there was NO WAY I could make it even across the street to the metro without getting soaked or even struck by lightening. So I did what my body did not want to do. I climbed back on the treadmill and walked “indefinitely” at a slow 3.0 pace. As I did my cool down walk, I mentally planned my weekend.
Then I got a huge reality check.
It was if God had placed me in front of that window at the right time. What I saw choked me up. To the average “treadmiller” it probably wouldn’t phase. And to be honest at any other time in my life I’d probably joke with the girls about it and move on with life. But last night I had a different reaction.
Ok, I told you that it was storming some kinda bad out, right. Well, it was so bad that the wind was blowing the rain as if it were a hurricane. Seriously, it looked like a hurricane out. And other than the car headlights I couldn’t see anything. Nobody in their right mind was out. It didn't matter if it was way past working hours. Nobody was leaving the building. And as I said, me and the girls knew it would be our best bet to get some extra time in instead of weathering the storm.
But out of nowhere, this heavyset woman was running down the street with no umbrella, no jacket, no hat, no protection just her two tote bags clutched tightly to her sides. I’m sure if she was a little smaller she could pick up her pace. But it didn't really matter cause I'm sure she got drenched when she opened the door to walk out. Extra weight, soaked dress, hair matted to her face and all, she was running through the storm. She was determined to make it to her destination. I imagined she had to make it to her toddler’s daycare by a certain time or she’d be charged extra. Or perhaps she was trying to catch the last bus out of a station at the end of the line. Or maybe she was stuck in one of those abusive relationships where her mate demanded she be home by a certain time. Whatever the reason, it was clear that she needed to be somewhere extremely important.
As the woman was running, she tried to shield her face with her freer arm, but it looked as if the rain was filling up in her bag. Then something fell out causing her stop smack dab in her private puddle to bend down. At this point, I know she was crying but how could I tell. The rain was getting the best of her, but she was fighting back. Cause I could see her clearly through that big window. I watched until she got to the metro door. Then I thought about that darn air conditioner metro keeps on over blast hitting the woman’s wet body.
Then I choke up some more.
I thought about my selfishness over the last few days. And how I’ve been in a melancholy mood……for nothing. I mean, I have NOTHING to be upset about. I don’t have to rush home to nobody. My time and my money are mine. If I choose to do one thing, but change my mind at the very last minute…..it’s ok. Cause I got flexibility on my side. I can jump in my car and drive anywhere in the U.S. that I want. Or hop on a flight to an exotic island on a day's notice. I’m not obligated, nor do I have to operate out of obligation. I’m free to do ME, at the discretion of ME. After doing a quick overview of my life, I knew the Lord had planned this to get my attention.
When I got home, after watching my favorite political couple….the Obamas, I turned on TBN and caught Alvin Slaughter and his son Shawn being interviewed by CeCe Winans. I luuuv the Slaughters (hey Gloria!!!). They’re testimony has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. And so Alvin was talking about what true worship means. And what he said was that worship is the pursuit of being one with God. It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me cause I felt it. And I received it. After just opening myself to the Lord, I couldn’t even watch television any longer. Cause I wanted to be one with Him. And so I drifted off and woke up to worship.
As I was sitting in the doctor’s office this morning, looking out of the huge picture window overlooking the metropolitan area, I just began thanking God. Israel and New Breed’s Every Prayer with Mary Mary kept ringing in my ears. As I silently sang what has become my favorite song of the summer, I couldn’t help but to think about how good it feels to be back in the Lord’s presence. At one point I thought long and hard about what made me drift---mentally/emotionally drift---but then it didn’t really matter. Cause I'm back in His presence. And so my thoughts went back to being one with Him. And then I heard my name called………. “Ms. Morris!!”
If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
Monday, June 1, 2009
In Search of.........
It is one of those Mondays----VERY BLUESY. I was a half an excuse away from calling in. I’m in one of those moods. I need to be replenished, didn’t get it over the weekend, and so I feel like crawling up under a rock. I’m telling you……..had it been a cloudy and/or foggy morning I would be at home right now. In my bed. But since I hate being home on a beautiful day…………I’m here.
So you know since I dragged myself in here I feel a mess. I threw on the first thing I saw and had determined before I got out the bed that my hair was gonna be pulled back in a headband. Did I mention that I didn’t want to come to work today? Ok, just checking--lol. I guess you can tell that I ain’t retaining too much either. That’s where I’m at these days. Like I have stopped on the side of my journey and have taken a seat beside a nice big rock. Just chilling. Purposeless. One part of me says that I don’t know how much further I gotta go before I see the broadway lights, and the other part says……don’t think about it just keep walking. I’m leaning more to the “just keep walking” advice, but sometimes it feels like I just need to rest. Like I just need time to stand still for a couple hours (or days) so that I can get my barrens together. To just be.
The last few weeks have been a little weird. I feel a little disconnected from God. I mean, I still do the daily of praying and worshipping, but the zest and zeal feels like its fading. If I am allowed to equate, I’d think it’s the same feeling married couples get after the honeymoon is over. I hear couples talk about it all the time. And no offense, but I don’t want that. Not in my marriage or with my relationship with the Lord. I want it to be the honeymoon ALWAYS. I don't know. Maybe it just can’t be pleasure always. Umph. Maybe because we're human.
Anyway, as much as I may feel a little distance, I know the Lord ain’t gone nowhere. First, because His Word says that He would never leave me nor forsake me. And so if He left me, His Word would be a lie. And I KNOW that His Word cannot lie. It is absolutely impossible for God to lie. And then second, just like clockwork the Lord reminded me that He was with me by giving me a revelations this morning. So He ain’t gone nowhere. Maybe its me who’s done the distancing. Definintely not my intentions since I HATE being out of the presence of the Lord.
Ok, so I was getting ready for work this morning. Had just gotten out the shower, threw on my clothes, and then had taken off my scarf to unwrap my hair to pull back in a headband. Just when I pulled the scarf off, I do as I normally do when I’m in one of those “pull your hair back” moods…..I pulled my top hair supplies draw out to get the headband. NO headband. For a second I stood still thinking that it’s probably in another drawer. I stood still cause anybody who knows me know that I am PRECISE. I know where EVERYTHING is. Everything in my house has a place. And even when my house is in its “pre-cleaning” state, all my stuff is where it supposed to be. At least that’s what I thought.
So I went through all the drawers in the bathroom, but still no headband. Then I looked under the sink where all my hair products are, but still no headband. By this time I was getting a little teed and was ready to pick up the phone to leave a message for my boss. I definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with this. But then I thought………MY GYM BAG!!! So I ran in the room and dumped everything out of the bag cause it had to be for sure in there. For a brief moment I tried to make myself believe that last week I wore the headband, but took it off when I went to the gym. But to my dismay, no headband.
I was so baffled. I couldn’t for the life of me remember when I’d last worn the headband. And at this point, I was looking waaay before today and started reminiscing on how long I’ve had that headband. My favorite one. I actually bought it about five years ago after my niece was playing with my other favorite one and broke it. I have many other hair accessories, including an assortment of headbands, but this one is my absolute favorite. Can’t explain it……it just is.
Realizing that I was spending way too much time on my search, I decided to chalk it up and wear another headband. I tried on a few and settled on one that matched my outfit, but didn’t give me the support as…….my favorite headband. I mean, not to keep bringing it up……but my favorite headband fits my head like a glove. I have a lot of hair, so it gives my hair the support it needs so that it won’t blow in my face or tangle up. It handles my hair perfectly.
When I was just about dressed, had decided on the other headband, and was putting on my shoes….I was on my way into the kitchen to make my protein shake when I got that unsettling feeling. I wanted my darn headband and had decided that I wasn’t leaving the house until I found it. I have to be honest, the headband I had on looked nicer, but deep down it just wasn’t what I wanted. Or needed.
So I went back in the bathroom and began pulling all the drawers out again. I was pulling out all kind of junk that I had no idea I bought but never used. But it was getting late, and I still hadn’t made my shake, nor had put my gym clothes back in the bag that I ransacked. But I was determined to find my headband. Cause I knew that it had to be in that darn bathroom. You know how you KNOW something. That’s what kept going through my head. And so I was determined to find it.
After I had pulled all the drawers out and apart, I pulled the wicker chest from the wall. And whataya know……….I found the headband. It obviously had fallen behind the chest the last time I’d taken it off. Who knows and who cares…….I found it and immediately yanked off the other one and put on my favorite one. And then I felt soooo much better. I didn’t even have time to make my shake, but for some reason I was satisfied. Content. Pleased.
When I was walking out the door, praying over my doorway as I usually do, the Lord reminded me that if I search I will find. That there is no good thing He will withhold from me if I walk upright before Him. That little black, plastic headband reminded me of the thirst I have for the Lord……not being able to replace His presence with NOTHING. And that sometimes I try to put other things in His place that seems good, but it’s just a counterfeit. I was reminded that there’s nothing like the real thing that knows me, and knows what I need no matter how much of a shambles my issues are. The Lord knows how to handle it.
As soon as I got on the train I was out. It was as if I was in my bed. I was that tired. I kept feeling my head bobble, but I didn’t care cause I was glad that I’d made the effort to even make it in to the office. When I got to my stop, my head yanked up cause I realized it was time to make it through the crowd. I was feeling a mess so I knew I had to look just as bad as I felt. But as I was making it off the train, I was able to take a quick glance at my reflection in the window. Oddly, though my eyes looked a little dreary, my hair was still neatly in place thanks to my headband. Seeing my reflection was as if a voice had whispered to me and said……..I got you, Jill. I got you.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. --Psalm 9:10
So you know since I dragged myself in here I feel a mess. I threw on the first thing I saw and had determined before I got out the bed that my hair was gonna be pulled back in a headband. Did I mention that I didn’t want to come to work today? Ok, just checking--lol. I guess you can tell that I ain’t retaining too much either. That’s where I’m at these days. Like I have stopped on the side of my journey and have taken a seat beside a nice big rock. Just chilling. Purposeless. One part of me says that I don’t know how much further I gotta go before I see the broadway lights, and the other part says……don’t think about it just keep walking. I’m leaning more to the “just keep walking” advice, but sometimes it feels like I just need to rest. Like I just need time to stand still for a couple hours (or days) so that I can get my barrens together. To just be.
The last few weeks have been a little weird. I feel a little disconnected from God. I mean, I still do the daily of praying and worshipping, but the zest and zeal feels like its fading. If I am allowed to equate, I’d think it’s the same feeling married couples get after the honeymoon is over. I hear couples talk about it all the time. And no offense, but I don’t want that. Not in my marriage or with my relationship with the Lord. I want it to be the honeymoon ALWAYS. I don't know. Maybe it just can’t be pleasure always. Umph. Maybe because we're human.
Anyway, as much as I may feel a little distance, I know the Lord ain’t gone nowhere. First, because His Word says that He would never leave me nor forsake me. And so if He left me, His Word would be a lie. And I KNOW that His Word cannot lie. It is absolutely impossible for God to lie. And then second, just like clockwork the Lord reminded me that He was with me by giving me a revelations this morning. So He ain’t gone nowhere. Maybe its me who’s done the distancing. Definintely not my intentions since I HATE being out of the presence of the Lord.
Ok, so I was getting ready for work this morning. Had just gotten out the shower, threw on my clothes, and then had taken off my scarf to unwrap my hair to pull back in a headband. Just when I pulled the scarf off, I do as I normally do when I’m in one of those “pull your hair back” moods…..I pulled my top hair supplies draw out to get the headband. NO headband. For a second I stood still thinking that it’s probably in another drawer. I stood still cause anybody who knows me know that I am PRECISE. I know where EVERYTHING is. Everything in my house has a place. And even when my house is in its “pre-cleaning” state, all my stuff is where it supposed to be. At least that’s what I thought.
So I went through all the drawers in the bathroom, but still no headband. Then I looked under the sink where all my hair products are, but still no headband. By this time I was getting a little teed and was ready to pick up the phone to leave a message for my boss. I definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with this. But then I thought………MY GYM BAG!!! So I ran in the room and dumped everything out of the bag cause it had to be for sure in there. For a brief moment I tried to make myself believe that last week I wore the headband, but took it off when I went to the gym. But to my dismay, no headband.
I was so baffled. I couldn’t for the life of me remember when I’d last worn the headband. And at this point, I was looking waaay before today and started reminiscing on how long I’ve had that headband. My favorite one. I actually bought it about five years ago after my niece was playing with my other favorite one and broke it. I have many other hair accessories, including an assortment of headbands, but this one is my absolute favorite. Can’t explain it……it just is.
Realizing that I was spending way too much time on my search, I decided to chalk it up and wear another headband. I tried on a few and settled on one that matched my outfit, but didn’t give me the support as…….my favorite headband. I mean, not to keep bringing it up……but my favorite headband fits my head like a glove. I have a lot of hair, so it gives my hair the support it needs so that it won’t blow in my face or tangle up. It handles my hair perfectly.
When I was just about dressed, had decided on the other headband, and was putting on my shoes….I was on my way into the kitchen to make my protein shake when I got that unsettling feeling. I wanted my darn headband and had decided that I wasn’t leaving the house until I found it. I have to be honest, the headband I had on looked nicer, but deep down it just wasn’t what I wanted. Or needed.
So I went back in the bathroom and began pulling all the drawers out again. I was pulling out all kind of junk that I had no idea I bought but never used. But it was getting late, and I still hadn’t made my shake, nor had put my gym clothes back in the bag that I ransacked. But I was determined to find my headband. Cause I knew that it had to be in that darn bathroom. You know how you KNOW something. That’s what kept going through my head. And so I was determined to find it.
After I had pulled all the drawers out and apart, I pulled the wicker chest from the wall. And whataya know……….I found the headband. It obviously had fallen behind the chest the last time I’d taken it off. Who knows and who cares…….I found it and immediately yanked off the other one and put on my favorite one. And then I felt soooo much better. I didn’t even have time to make my shake, but for some reason I was satisfied. Content. Pleased.
When I was walking out the door, praying over my doorway as I usually do, the Lord reminded me that if I search I will find. That there is no good thing He will withhold from me if I walk upright before Him. That little black, plastic headband reminded me of the thirst I have for the Lord……not being able to replace His presence with NOTHING. And that sometimes I try to put other things in His place that seems good, but it’s just a counterfeit. I was reminded that there’s nothing like the real thing that knows me, and knows what I need no matter how much of a shambles my issues are. The Lord knows how to handle it.
As soon as I got on the train I was out. It was as if I was in my bed. I was that tired. I kept feeling my head bobble, but I didn’t care cause I was glad that I’d made the effort to even make it in to the office. When I got to my stop, my head yanked up cause I realized it was time to make it through the crowd. I was feeling a mess so I knew I had to look just as bad as I felt. But as I was making it off the train, I was able to take a quick glance at my reflection in the window. Oddly, though my eyes looked a little dreary, my hair was still neatly in place thanks to my headband. Seeing my reflection was as if a voice had whispered to me and said……..I got you, Jill. I got you.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. --Psalm 9:10
Friday, May 29, 2009
The Table Turns
Ok, I know I’ve been on slack-mode with writing entries, but the truth is……..I’ve been S-W-A-M-P-E-D at the office. I'm writing several major reports on my program, plus still de-briefing from travel back in April, and trying to plan program activities for the next fiscal year. You know the new Obama Administration got us in “prove your program” mode. But I welcome it and certainly understand. Really I do.
Today, I finally relieved myself of this huge headache that has been making me feel like I’m having anxiety and stress attacks. Yes, yes…..I beat the due date by 9 days!!! All kinda numbers are running through my head and if I have to add another page to the already 67 page report I think I’ma scream. Seriously, I am. My head hurts, I haven’t had a decent meal in days (thank God for the family cookout tomorrow—lol), and I want to go to the gym for normal reasons not just to relieve the day’s tension. My muscles feel locked. No, I ain’t claiming NOTHING, but my body has been feeling the pangs of my intense labor--lol.
Ok, something interesting happened this week and I was reminded today of a lifelong lesson. See, I manage a program that has a total of 10 grantees and 42 subgrantees. One of my grantees, only one, has been violating program regulations for the last few months and so last week I got a little sick and tired of folk taking my fairness as a weakness. If I may say so, I have EXTRAORDINARY work ethics. I’m no-nonsense, but fair. I try to meet each at their individual needs. But this one tried to take me for granted. I don’t care if you have a Masters in Social Work. It is my job to enforce federal rules and regulations. So I wrote a very nice-ty email to my grantee basically saying……. “because you have been non-compliant, I must therefore……[yada, yada]” All of a sudden my phone and email was on overdrive. Here I was trying to write a time-sensitive report to our parent agency, and then all of a sudden have to put out an unnecessary fire. So I haven't been in the best mood this week. Ironically, I feel sooo far out of the Lord's presence its not funny. And I hate feeling this way.
Anyway........long story short, my grantee saw that I was quite serious, so she apologized profusely saying that she was so sorry and didn’t mean to jeopardize her grant……yada, yada. So I listened. And at first I was thinking that I was gonna make this chick sweat. Cause I like when folk beg---lolol. Just being honest. But then after the third phone call and second email I gave in. I spoke with her for a good 2½ hours going over the program and how I can help her get out of the mess she put herself in. I ain’t lying……the first hour was me trying to console her tears cause she didn’t realize what she had done. She kept saying……… “Jill, how could I be so stupid?” I just listened. I could’ve very well pulled the plug. But then I really felt bad because I thought about all the participants in her program who would be affected. And other than her trying to play “Ms. Big Shot” and doing things on her own agenda, she is sharp and knows her stuff. So I gave her a second chance. Cause in the grand scheme of things I could be put in that same situation. It’s not hard to be. So when she heard my final comments she thanked me for understanding and for accepting her apology. She promised that this would never ever happen again with her organization.
Then something happened.
That conversation with my grantee was on Tuesday. Today, my agency received a startling announcement via email that my grantee, yes the one I had the conversation with on Tuesday, was hired to be our new boss. When I read it and saw the name I gasped and ran through the office screaming to my colleagues. They were running towards me at the same time. I couldn’t believe it. Still shocked. I don’t know how it happened, if it was known before or during I had the conversation, or what. It just doesn’t make sense. I knew the position was open, but the successor was still a mystery.
God is soooo good. I was reminded of a valuable life lesson today………..always be good to people because you’ll never know what role they will play in your life. I think about how some of my colleagues look down on the cleaning crew, and the mailroom guys. I've never been raised that way. I can hold a conversation with the security guard as well as director. I try my best to treat people the same. Not just cause I'm not sure who I'll pass on the way up, but because I treat folk how I want to be treated. With the utmost respect. Bottomline.
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. --Matthew 7:12
Today, I finally relieved myself of this huge headache that has been making me feel like I’m having anxiety and stress attacks. Yes, yes…..I beat the due date by 9 days!!! All kinda numbers are running through my head and if I have to add another page to the already 67 page report I think I’ma scream. Seriously, I am. My head hurts, I haven’t had a decent meal in days (thank God for the family cookout tomorrow—lol), and I want to go to the gym for normal reasons not just to relieve the day’s tension. My muscles feel locked. No, I ain’t claiming NOTHING, but my body has been feeling the pangs of my intense labor--lol.
Ok, something interesting happened this week and I was reminded today of a lifelong lesson. See, I manage a program that has a total of 10 grantees and 42 subgrantees. One of my grantees, only one, has been violating program regulations for the last few months and so last week I got a little sick and tired of folk taking my fairness as a weakness. If I may say so, I have EXTRAORDINARY work ethics. I’m no-nonsense, but fair. I try to meet each at their individual needs. But this one tried to take me for granted. I don’t care if you have a Masters in Social Work. It is my job to enforce federal rules and regulations. So I wrote a very nice-ty email to my grantee basically saying……. “because you have been non-compliant, I must therefore……[yada, yada]” All of a sudden my phone and email was on overdrive. Here I was trying to write a time-sensitive report to our parent agency, and then all of a sudden have to put out an unnecessary fire. So I haven't been in the best mood this week. Ironically, I feel sooo far out of the Lord's presence its not funny. And I hate feeling this way.
Anyway........long story short, my grantee saw that I was quite serious, so she apologized profusely saying that she was so sorry and didn’t mean to jeopardize her grant……yada, yada. So I listened. And at first I was thinking that I was gonna make this chick sweat. Cause I like when folk beg---lolol. Just being honest. But then after the third phone call and second email I gave in. I spoke with her for a good 2½ hours going over the program and how I can help her get out of the mess she put herself in. I ain’t lying……the first hour was me trying to console her tears cause she didn’t realize what she had done. She kept saying……… “Jill, how could I be so stupid?” I just listened. I could’ve very well pulled the plug. But then I really felt bad because I thought about all the participants in her program who would be affected. And other than her trying to play “Ms. Big Shot” and doing things on her own agenda, she is sharp and knows her stuff. So I gave her a second chance. Cause in the grand scheme of things I could be put in that same situation. It’s not hard to be. So when she heard my final comments she thanked me for understanding and for accepting her apology. She promised that this would never ever happen again with her organization.
Then something happened.
That conversation with my grantee was on Tuesday. Today, my agency received a startling announcement via email that my grantee, yes the one I had the conversation with on Tuesday, was hired to be our new boss. When I read it and saw the name I gasped and ran through the office screaming to my colleagues. They were running towards me at the same time. I couldn’t believe it. Still shocked. I don’t know how it happened, if it was known before or during I had the conversation, or what. It just doesn’t make sense. I knew the position was open, but the successor was still a mystery.
God is soooo good. I was reminded of a valuable life lesson today………..always be good to people because you’ll never know what role they will play in your life. I think about how some of my colleagues look down on the cleaning crew, and the mailroom guys. I've never been raised that way. I can hold a conversation with the security guard as well as director. I try my best to treat people the same. Not just cause I'm not sure who I'll pass on the way up, but because I treat folk how I want to be treated. With the utmost respect. Bottomline.
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. --Matthew 7:12
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Un-Voided Prayers and Blessings
Whew! What a rainy, wet, nasty Tuesday morning. I got soaked on the way in and almost turned around. But I weathered the storm and now I’m in the office (deep breath).
Boy, what a weekend. I needed the extra day. It really helped to just be agenda-less on yesterday. After returning from the gym, and getting soaked from the storm, I took a 5-hour nap. Yep, 5 whole hours. I soooo needed it.
Ok, I got something on my mind today. Actually, it’s been on my mind for the last two days, but today I’m just able to get it out of my head and in an entry. On Sunday, my pastor (ok, he’s still not my pastor “officially” yet, but I’m claiming him—lol)…..anyway my pastor was on a well-needed vacation with his family over the weekend and so he invited two guest pastors/preachers to come in and conduct Sunday service. The guest pastor that delivered the Word on Sunday is swiftly becoming one of my favorites. The way he allows the Lord to use him to deliver the Word is AWESOME. So I was really glad to see him. But the other guest pastor who moderated the service………well, he rubs me the wrong way. Really, he does.
Alright…..[my friend] is teaching me to keep my mouth off of God’s messengers--lol. He knows me and my opinions (and my mouth--lol), and so he tells me quite often that I should not be speaking negatively about the men of God (or women--lol). So I’m trying. Really, I am. But I feel compelled to speak about the moderator of Sunday’s service for a number of reasons.
First, a few months ago, when I first saw dude something in my Spirit just wouldn’t settle with him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was a very uneasiness in me about him. It’s like he sends off this nasty, unclean spirit. Then a couple weeks after that, I received a message from a “confidant” that dude had pulled her to the side and inquired about me. Can I just say that that is a NEGATIVE!! If you want to know anything about me……..don’t ask my neighbor come to ME. And if you think you want to approach me, you better be sure that I’m giving you the signal to do so. And I didn’t. So the message was a huge turnoff. But then on top of just being disgustingly irritated by dude, I found out that he is MARRIED……and you know how I feel about marriage. I’ve noticed that dude is never with his wife---at least I have never seen her which makes me even that more uneasy about him. In saying that……he has overstepped his boundaries and has offended me in the process. Now my uneasiness has gone to a much higher level concerning him.
Ok, so Sunday morning we were in service and prior to the guest speaker getting up to preach, the moderator (married dude) was doing his thing. NO anointing. It just wasn’t there. However, I don’t need anybody to usher in the presence of God because I can do it myself and so that’s what I was doing. Just praising and worshipping. So then the guest preacher got up and the anointing hit the place like a ton of bricks. We went to a whole another level.
And so after the guest preacher preached (ok…..he didn’t really preach because the anointing was so high and we were in praise and worship since he’d gotten up), but after he preached he called for those who just wanted to go higher in the Lord and to just worship Him more to come to the altar. And so I went. Cause for me the altar is not a hospital, but a place of worship. I love lying on my face before God on the altar with others.
But as I’m standing there just worshipping the Lord with my eyes closed, dude (the moderator) comes and put his two greasy hands on both sides of my head and shakes me as he’s mumbling, as if he’s trying to get my attention---but in a very aggressive manner. When he let go my face had oil dripping down the side and my hair, which was neatly pulled back into a bun, was all disheveled. Can I just say that if I thought he would be the one laying his hands on me I wouldn’t have gone to the altar. That’s not why I went. I didn’t go to the altar to receive anything in particular. I mean, if the guest preacher wanted to lay hands on me that was fine. But I actually went to give myself as a living sacrifice to God. So I was offended when I heard dude standing in front of me, but not to the point where I lost focus.
Anyway…..so I went back to my seat and continued worshipping the Lord. But I gotta admit…..I was offended. Cause I’m really particular of who I allow to lay their hands on me. So as everyone was worshipping, dude (the moderator) takes over from the guest preacher and starts running back and forth through the church pointing people out for them to come back up to the altar so that he could pray for them again. Not that many, just a hand-picked few he was calling out. He was in this really aggressive bear-like type of mode which was clearly working out of self-motive. So we all watched as he grabbed his chosen person, making them fall to the floor as if the power in him was so great that the anointing made them fall. I wasn’t buying it. Cause I know the flow of the Holy Spirit and it clearly wasn’t controlling dude. I mean, when the anointing is high and the Holy Spirit is working in an individual, that person can blow and folk will fall out. I know cause it happened to me. But that wasn’t the case with dude. He was pushing people down on the floor cause they weren’t falling under the power in which he obviously didn’t realize was being blocked by self. So again, I wasn’t buying it.
So then dude did the OH NO. He moved the first few rows of people from his view to get my attention and then he motioned for me to come to the altar so that he could put his hands on me. Ummmm…….wrong person. I ain’t the one dude. So, not trying to be disobedient, but my body wasn’t responding and so I didn’t move. Cause I wasn’t led to move. So I did stand up cause I didn’t want to be outwardly disobedient, but I wasn’t walking. Noticing my reluctance, dude got so angry with me that he put his hands up to me and walks the other way as if to say………… “oh you think you all that…..well I don’t want you anyway.” It was quite embarrassing and I really felt bad.
As I rode home from church I was flushed. Not because I had rejected dude, but because when I enter into the Lord’s house all bullcrap stays outside. Really it does. I don’t like to bring foolishness in my place of worship; neither do I like to be caught up in other folk’s foolishness in church. I mean, we can bicker and fight outside, but when we come into the Lord’s house……that mess needs to stop. In fact, I look to be changed once I leave and so if there’s any foolishness prior, then it’s my mission to allow the Lord to handle it. But the foolishness with dude happened inside the sanctuary………(deep breath). I can’t to the life of me understand why he would look past all those people and pull me out. It was almost as if he was trying to impress me or prove something. I don’t know…..perhaps he was led by the Lord. I don’t know. Whatever the case, I prayed and I asked the Lord that if I was wrong (in which I’m all for accountability) that His grace and mercy catch me. And I wholeheartedly believe that I wasn’t wrong. And so I’m proceeding in that.
Soooooo…….it takes me to my point; the thing that’s really on my mind today. Am I the only one who feels like blessings are voided from messenger to messenger????? I mean, why is it that we have to keep going to the altar for the same issue. I’m speaking about those of us who are supposed to be walking in the counsel of the Lord. I mean, if my pastor called an altar call last Sunday for those who wanted peace in their marriages and he prays and commands peace in the marriage and we supposedly receive it, then why do we need to go back to the altar next Sunday for the same thing???? I mean, is last week’s prayer voided???? I mean, why can’t we just walk in faith from what we received last week.
That’s kinda how I felt with dude praying for me twice. And not just him, but it happens all the time. Unless I’m in a backsliding position and need to be reconciled with the Lord, I’m good. If I’ve already claimed salvation, but then if I get sick……I’m healed. The Word of God tells us this. I mean, why does every time the pastor (or whoever) is led to call for a particular prayer we need to keep responding over and over????? Is it that we really don’t believe?????
A good example of this was just recently. A couple of weeks ago, my pastor had given the church a prophecy that for the months of May, June, and July the church was going to see a harvest in their finances because of what we have sown in ministry over the years. And so he told us that financial blessings would just appear out of weird places because of our diligence in giving. Great. I received this cause I had already felt it in my Spirit. And because I’m one who gives wholeheartedly and not because I’m obligated, but because I love to give.
But then dude, the moderator, gets up to collect the offering and basically says that if we don’t give a certain amount of money then our financial blessings will be interrupted for the next few months. Hold up, wait a minute!!!! Does that mean that what my pastor said a few weeks ago is voided????? Well, just as dude knew he would do…..he scared the living daylights out of most of the folk and they started pulling out their checkbooks.
You know what……I think one of the biggest lacks we’re missing in the Body of Christ is learning how to walk in faith. We walk long enough to see that things aren’t working on our timing, or we get tripped up from doubting God. And so we begin to take matters in our own hands, somehow ending up back at the altar due to confusion. But our prayers and God’s blessings don’t have an expiration date. His gifts come without repentance. I see this time and time again.
I remember when me and my two girlfriends gave our lives to Christ together back in the early nineties. And every Sunday when it was time for the altar call the three of us would be on the altar for…….well we really didn’t know why--lol. We joke about it today. But I guess we were looking at others walk and it made it seem like our walk was wrong. So we would go and cry on the altar Sunday after Sunday. I don’t know why. But then one Sunday we all got up to go, but I sat back down. I had decided that I wasn’t going. That I was tired of going to the altar for every little thing. I realized that I needed to learn how to walk in repentance. And more importantly, I had to understand that the power the Lord placed in the pastor and other leaders was also in me. I just needed to activate it. Well, actually I didn’t know it then, but I really just needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit—lol.
You know I’ve said this more than enough times, but we as Believers have to understand that we answer to GOD. We also have to understand that God has given us the power and that until we accept the authority He has given us we will continue to be in “victim” mode----falling prey to anything and anybody claiming to know God better than we do. There is NOTHING that nobody can tell me about my relationship with God that He hasn’t already spoken to me. And though I respect authority, and honor leadership, it all boils down to what God has spoken to ME. At the end of the day….I’m the one held accountable.
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. –John 5:7-9
Boy, what a weekend. I needed the extra day. It really helped to just be agenda-less on yesterday. After returning from the gym, and getting soaked from the storm, I took a 5-hour nap. Yep, 5 whole hours. I soooo needed it.
Ok, I got something on my mind today. Actually, it’s been on my mind for the last two days, but today I’m just able to get it out of my head and in an entry. On Sunday, my pastor (ok, he’s still not my pastor “officially” yet, but I’m claiming him—lol)…..anyway my pastor was on a well-needed vacation with his family over the weekend and so he invited two guest pastors/preachers to come in and conduct Sunday service. The guest pastor that delivered the Word on Sunday is swiftly becoming one of my favorites. The way he allows the Lord to use him to deliver the Word is AWESOME. So I was really glad to see him. But the other guest pastor who moderated the service………well, he rubs me the wrong way. Really, he does.
Alright…..[my friend] is teaching me to keep my mouth off of God’s messengers--lol. He knows me and my opinions (and my mouth--lol), and so he tells me quite often that I should not be speaking negatively about the men of God (or women--lol). So I’m trying. Really, I am. But I feel compelled to speak about the moderator of Sunday’s service for a number of reasons.
First, a few months ago, when I first saw dude something in my Spirit just wouldn’t settle with him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was a very uneasiness in me about him. It’s like he sends off this nasty, unclean spirit. Then a couple weeks after that, I received a message from a “confidant” that dude had pulled her to the side and inquired about me. Can I just say that that is a NEGATIVE!! If you want to know anything about me……..don’t ask my neighbor come to ME. And if you think you want to approach me, you better be sure that I’m giving you the signal to do so. And I didn’t. So the message was a huge turnoff. But then on top of just being disgustingly irritated by dude, I found out that he is MARRIED……and you know how I feel about marriage. I’ve noticed that dude is never with his wife---at least I have never seen her which makes me even that more uneasy about him. In saying that……he has overstepped his boundaries and has offended me in the process. Now my uneasiness has gone to a much higher level concerning him.
Ok, so Sunday morning we were in service and prior to the guest speaker getting up to preach, the moderator (married dude) was doing his thing. NO anointing. It just wasn’t there. However, I don’t need anybody to usher in the presence of God because I can do it myself and so that’s what I was doing. Just praising and worshipping. So then the guest preacher got up and the anointing hit the place like a ton of bricks. We went to a whole another level.
And so after the guest preacher preached (ok…..he didn’t really preach because the anointing was so high and we were in praise and worship since he’d gotten up), but after he preached he called for those who just wanted to go higher in the Lord and to just worship Him more to come to the altar. And so I went. Cause for me the altar is not a hospital, but a place of worship. I love lying on my face before God on the altar with others.
But as I’m standing there just worshipping the Lord with my eyes closed, dude (the moderator) comes and put his two greasy hands on both sides of my head and shakes me as he’s mumbling, as if he’s trying to get my attention---but in a very aggressive manner. When he let go my face had oil dripping down the side and my hair, which was neatly pulled back into a bun, was all disheveled. Can I just say that if I thought he would be the one laying his hands on me I wouldn’t have gone to the altar. That’s not why I went. I didn’t go to the altar to receive anything in particular. I mean, if the guest preacher wanted to lay hands on me that was fine. But I actually went to give myself as a living sacrifice to God. So I was offended when I heard dude standing in front of me, but not to the point where I lost focus.
Anyway…..so I went back to my seat and continued worshipping the Lord. But I gotta admit…..I was offended. Cause I’m really particular of who I allow to lay their hands on me. So as everyone was worshipping, dude (the moderator) takes over from the guest preacher and starts running back and forth through the church pointing people out for them to come back up to the altar so that he could pray for them again. Not that many, just a hand-picked few he was calling out. He was in this really aggressive bear-like type of mode which was clearly working out of self-motive. So we all watched as he grabbed his chosen person, making them fall to the floor as if the power in him was so great that the anointing made them fall. I wasn’t buying it. Cause I know the flow of the Holy Spirit and it clearly wasn’t controlling dude. I mean, when the anointing is high and the Holy Spirit is working in an individual, that person can blow and folk will fall out. I know cause it happened to me. But that wasn’t the case with dude. He was pushing people down on the floor cause they weren’t falling under the power in which he obviously didn’t realize was being blocked by self. So again, I wasn’t buying it.
So then dude did the OH NO. He moved the first few rows of people from his view to get my attention and then he motioned for me to come to the altar so that he could put his hands on me. Ummmm…….wrong person. I ain’t the one dude. So, not trying to be disobedient, but my body wasn’t responding and so I didn’t move. Cause I wasn’t led to move. So I did stand up cause I didn’t want to be outwardly disobedient, but I wasn’t walking. Noticing my reluctance, dude got so angry with me that he put his hands up to me and walks the other way as if to say………… “oh you think you all that…..well I don’t want you anyway.” It was quite embarrassing and I really felt bad.
As I rode home from church I was flushed. Not because I had rejected dude, but because when I enter into the Lord’s house all bullcrap stays outside. Really it does. I don’t like to bring foolishness in my place of worship; neither do I like to be caught up in other folk’s foolishness in church. I mean, we can bicker and fight outside, but when we come into the Lord’s house……that mess needs to stop. In fact, I look to be changed once I leave and so if there’s any foolishness prior, then it’s my mission to allow the Lord to handle it. But the foolishness with dude happened inside the sanctuary………(deep breath). I can’t to the life of me understand why he would look past all those people and pull me out. It was almost as if he was trying to impress me or prove something. I don’t know…..perhaps he was led by the Lord. I don’t know. Whatever the case, I prayed and I asked the Lord that if I was wrong (in which I’m all for accountability) that His grace and mercy catch me. And I wholeheartedly believe that I wasn’t wrong. And so I’m proceeding in that.
Soooooo…….it takes me to my point; the thing that’s really on my mind today. Am I the only one who feels like blessings are voided from messenger to messenger????? I mean, why is it that we have to keep going to the altar for the same issue. I’m speaking about those of us who are supposed to be walking in the counsel of the Lord. I mean, if my pastor called an altar call last Sunday for those who wanted peace in their marriages and he prays and commands peace in the marriage and we supposedly receive it, then why do we need to go back to the altar next Sunday for the same thing???? I mean, is last week’s prayer voided???? I mean, why can’t we just walk in faith from what we received last week.
That’s kinda how I felt with dude praying for me twice. And not just him, but it happens all the time. Unless I’m in a backsliding position and need to be reconciled with the Lord, I’m good. If I’ve already claimed salvation, but then if I get sick……I’m healed. The Word of God tells us this. I mean, why does every time the pastor (or whoever) is led to call for a particular prayer we need to keep responding over and over????? Is it that we really don’t believe?????
A good example of this was just recently. A couple of weeks ago, my pastor had given the church a prophecy that for the months of May, June, and July the church was going to see a harvest in their finances because of what we have sown in ministry over the years. And so he told us that financial blessings would just appear out of weird places because of our diligence in giving. Great. I received this cause I had already felt it in my Spirit. And because I’m one who gives wholeheartedly and not because I’m obligated, but because I love to give.
But then dude, the moderator, gets up to collect the offering and basically says that if we don’t give a certain amount of money then our financial blessings will be interrupted for the next few months. Hold up, wait a minute!!!! Does that mean that what my pastor said a few weeks ago is voided????? Well, just as dude knew he would do…..he scared the living daylights out of most of the folk and they started pulling out their checkbooks.
You know what……I think one of the biggest lacks we’re missing in the Body of Christ is learning how to walk in faith. We walk long enough to see that things aren’t working on our timing, or we get tripped up from doubting God. And so we begin to take matters in our own hands, somehow ending up back at the altar due to confusion. But our prayers and God’s blessings don’t have an expiration date. His gifts come without repentance. I see this time and time again.
I remember when me and my two girlfriends gave our lives to Christ together back in the early nineties. And every Sunday when it was time for the altar call the three of us would be on the altar for…….well we really didn’t know why--lol. We joke about it today. But I guess we were looking at others walk and it made it seem like our walk was wrong. So we would go and cry on the altar Sunday after Sunday. I don’t know why. But then one Sunday we all got up to go, but I sat back down. I had decided that I wasn’t going. That I was tired of going to the altar for every little thing. I realized that I needed to learn how to walk in repentance. And more importantly, I had to understand that the power the Lord placed in the pastor and other leaders was also in me. I just needed to activate it. Well, actually I didn’t know it then, but I really just needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit—lol.
You know I’ve said this more than enough times, but we as Believers have to understand that we answer to GOD. We also have to understand that God has given us the power and that until we accept the authority He has given us we will continue to be in “victim” mode----falling prey to anything and anybody claiming to know God better than we do. There is NOTHING that nobody can tell me about my relationship with God that He hasn’t already spoken to me. And though I respect authority, and honor leadership, it all boils down to what God has spoken to ME. At the end of the day….I’m the one held accountable.
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. –John 5:7-9
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Crossing Over
Awww man. So much is going through my head. This week alone has brought so much to the forefront for me. I think it started a couple of weeks ago though. At least coming to the forefront.
I was in prayer and so I’m learning that after I pray I need to remain still and listen to God speak. To hear Him respond to my worship. Normally, I listen to the Lord’s voice by revelations in so many other ways like through His Word, prophecies, signs and wonders, people, feelings in my Spirit, etc. But rarely do I sit still to listen to His voice. Well, this particular night that I was praying I did just that. I laid real quiet in my bedroom in the dark not making one sound, shutting all outside noise out so that I could meditate on Him and listen to Him speak. After a few minutes I heard Him. And I was a little shocked at what He said. What He told me was that the project I’ve been working on, in which I firmly believe it is to glorify the kingdom of God, He told me to hold off on it. At first I was confused because when I tell you that I‘ve been working diligently on this project you‘ve got to believe me. I mean daily a piece of the project comes together. But I am obedient so I stopped as instructed.
Not necessarily confused, but for the last few weeks I’ve been wondering why would the Lord have me halt a project that I firmly believe He told me to do. But then I remembered what His voice spoke to me and what He actually said was to “hold off“, not stop the project for good. So you know me……I’ve been in expecting mode cause surely if the Lord gave me orders it was because He is preparing me for something greater.
So just like clockwork……the Lord’s timing is impeccable. Last week a “proposal” came through that has the potential of fulfilling my lifelong dream. The funny thing is that the “proposal” is the big picture, the umbrella. And the project in which the Lord told me to hold off on could easily fit under this umbrella. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it…it was necessary for me to do the framework of the smaller project because now the bigger project will kinda fall into purpose. In other words, the smaller project drives the bigger project.
Since thinking about this proposal…..day in and day out, doors have been flying open. And it really feels good in my Spirit in which I rely on to make ALL of my life decisions. This week alone, opportunities aligning with the proposal have come to me. But something is weird. I can’t say that its fear, but almost like a “I am comfortable in the state I am” type of feeling.
The funny thing is that all week I’ve been hearing messages about getting to where God would have us to be. Joyce Meyer spoke about the “in between”. That dry land in which the Lord opened the sea so that he could take the Israelites from the pit to the promised land. It’s that stepping out on faith message that I talk a good game about but when its my time to take action I come up with excuses. Not that I don’t want to get to where God wants me, but the process ain’t always peaches and cream--lol.
So last night I went to see Mint Condition in concert at the Baltimore Harbor, me and my youngest sister. I love those boys because in addition to being authentic musicians their music speaks about being faithful men to, and loving, their partners. I’ve always supported these guys cause they’re truly fulfilling their calling. Anyway…..when the show was almost over they gave their testimony of how a couple of years ago their record company dropped them from the label and how the execs basically told them that without a record deal it would be impossible for them to publicize their music. First, its not secret especially with all the hoopla going on with the Black radio. But if you don’t have the right connections you can’t get your music played. And second, to promote music it takes money and usually it’s the record companies who promote the artists.
But Stokley and the boyz weren’t convinced. They knew/know the gift and talent in which the Lord gave them. And if the Lord brought them to it He will sure bring them through it. Long story short, they stepped out on faith by creating their own independent record label and have been flying high ever since. They said it was the best and most liberating move they could have made.
Ironically, as I’m sitting at the concert taking in all of what they’d said while enjoying their music, the lady who was sitting next to me begins chatting. Actually we had been chatting all night. And so the conversation was really good and she even was conversing with my sister. But then she hands us her business card. And when I read it I got chills. It was confirmation. To step out. To just STEP out.
Of course the concert was on my mind all night. And so my girlfriend called to see how it was. As we were talking about music, life, and other stuff she made a statement in which I say mentally all the time. She said that she’s just basically trying to stay afloat. Normally I’d agreed, but this morning I couldn’t. Cause I think I’m tired of just floating. I thought about my girlfriend's comment all day long. Then I came to the realization that I’ve been “staying afloat” for the last ten years, but now its time to catch the boat in which the Lord is sending my way. Better yet, I feel a little bold and so I may just start walking on the water as Peter attempted to do. My desire is to definitely get to the other side. To the side in which God can use my gifts and talents to the best of my ability and for His glory. Unfortunately, I haven’t been using them to the best.
If that’s not enough, I was watching Notorious, the story of slain rapper Biggie Smalls, and all through the movie I kept hearing what P. Diddy said to Biggie. I counted TWICE P. Diddy saying it to Biggie, and the last time Biggie said it to his crew. He said……..…. “In order to change the world, we have to change ourselves.” Hmmmm……..I think I’m ready to make that change.
….Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don't you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?……” --Matthew 16:8-9
I was in prayer and so I’m learning that after I pray I need to remain still and listen to God speak. To hear Him respond to my worship. Normally, I listen to the Lord’s voice by revelations in so many other ways like through His Word, prophecies, signs and wonders, people, feelings in my Spirit, etc. But rarely do I sit still to listen to His voice. Well, this particular night that I was praying I did just that. I laid real quiet in my bedroom in the dark not making one sound, shutting all outside noise out so that I could meditate on Him and listen to Him speak. After a few minutes I heard Him. And I was a little shocked at what He said. What He told me was that the project I’ve been working on, in which I firmly believe it is to glorify the kingdom of God, He told me to hold off on it. At first I was confused because when I tell you that I‘ve been working diligently on this project you‘ve got to believe me. I mean daily a piece of the project comes together. But I am obedient so I stopped as instructed.
Not necessarily confused, but for the last few weeks I’ve been wondering why would the Lord have me halt a project that I firmly believe He told me to do. But then I remembered what His voice spoke to me and what He actually said was to “hold off“, not stop the project for good. So you know me……I’ve been in expecting mode cause surely if the Lord gave me orders it was because He is preparing me for something greater.
So just like clockwork……the Lord’s timing is impeccable. Last week a “proposal” came through that has the potential of fulfilling my lifelong dream. The funny thing is that the “proposal” is the big picture, the umbrella. And the project in which the Lord told me to hold off on could easily fit under this umbrella. In fact, now that I’m thinking about it…it was necessary for me to do the framework of the smaller project because now the bigger project will kinda fall into purpose. In other words, the smaller project drives the bigger project.
Since thinking about this proposal…..day in and day out, doors have been flying open. And it really feels good in my Spirit in which I rely on to make ALL of my life decisions. This week alone, opportunities aligning with the proposal have come to me. But something is weird. I can’t say that its fear, but almost like a “I am comfortable in the state I am” type of feeling.
The funny thing is that all week I’ve been hearing messages about getting to where God would have us to be. Joyce Meyer spoke about the “in between”. That dry land in which the Lord opened the sea so that he could take the Israelites from the pit to the promised land. It’s that stepping out on faith message that I talk a good game about but when its my time to take action I come up with excuses. Not that I don’t want to get to where God wants me, but the process ain’t always peaches and cream--lol.
So last night I went to see Mint Condition in concert at the Baltimore Harbor, me and my youngest sister. I love those boys because in addition to being authentic musicians their music speaks about being faithful men to, and loving, their partners. I’ve always supported these guys cause they’re truly fulfilling their calling. Anyway…..when the show was almost over they gave their testimony of how a couple of years ago their record company dropped them from the label and how the execs basically told them that without a record deal it would be impossible for them to publicize their music. First, its not secret especially with all the hoopla going on with the Black radio. But if you don’t have the right connections you can’t get your music played. And second, to promote music it takes money and usually it’s the record companies who promote the artists.
But Stokley and the boyz weren’t convinced. They knew/know the gift and talent in which the Lord gave them. And if the Lord brought them to it He will sure bring them through it. Long story short, they stepped out on faith by creating their own independent record label and have been flying high ever since. They said it was the best and most liberating move they could have made.
Ironically, as I’m sitting at the concert taking in all of what they’d said while enjoying their music, the lady who was sitting next to me begins chatting. Actually we had been chatting all night. And so the conversation was really good and she even was conversing with my sister. But then she hands us her business card. And when I read it I got chills. It was confirmation. To step out. To just STEP out.
Of course the concert was on my mind all night. And so my girlfriend called to see how it was. As we were talking about music, life, and other stuff she made a statement in which I say mentally all the time. She said that she’s just basically trying to stay afloat. Normally I’d agreed, but this morning I couldn’t. Cause I think I’m tired of just floating. I thought about my girlfriend's comment all day long. Then I came to the realization that I’ve been “staying afloat” for the last ten years, but now its time to catch the boat in which the Lord is sending my way. Better yet, I feel a little bold and so I may just start walking on the water as Peter attempted to do. My desire is to definitely get to the other side. To the side in which God can use my gifts and talents to the best of my ability and for His glory. Unfortunately, I haven’t been using them to the best.
If that’s not enough, I was watching Notorious, the story of slain rapper Biggie Smalls, and all through the movie I kept hearing what P. Diddy said to Biggie. I counted TWICE P. Diddy saying it to Biggie, and the last time Biggie said it to his crew. He said……..…. “In order to change the world, we have to change ourselves.” Hmmmm……..I think I’m ready to make that change.
….Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don't you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?……” --Matthew 16:8-9
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Whole Sum
I now know why I blog. Really, I do. Ok, so today I was having a casual conversation with a colleague and it turned a little serious. Actually, I was a little disappointed. For a number of reasons.
I don’t even know how to express this, so as usual……please bear with me. The funny thing is that I don’t even know how me and my colleague got on the conversation that lead to my “enlightening moment”. Ok, I think I remember now. My colleague was telling me about her cousin who attends a church that is held in a hotel ballroom. She first started by saying that when she visited it didn’t feel like church….because of its location. So I questioned it. I mean, I’ve had church in a number of buildings from hotel ballrooms to a converted department store to office space to a warehouse. Even on a cruise!!! As long as the anointing is there then church is church to me. We are the church, not the building. Anyway……
So after I explained…..my colleague then went on to say that her cousin’s church is really weird. That they are obsessed with being a Christian. She referred to them as “fanatics”. She said that she can’t even have a conversation with her cousin without her cousin quoting a scripture or bringing up God. I really wanted to understand because I do know that there are “religious” folk out there who seems to be trying to prove something to themselves while “witnessing” to others. So I listened. Trying not to pass judgment on anybody, especially a sister-in-Christ that I have never even met. So I listened.
After about ten minutes into this deep conversation, my colleague saw that I wasn’t responding in total agreement, so she started giving me examples. Basically saying that her cousin has become judgmental, and self-righteous, and doesn’t know how to go out and have a good time, and everything she does and says is about God….yada, yada. And then she said something that stopped me in my tracks. When she said it I knew that it was time to end the conversation. She said…….. “I mean, I don’t want to talk about God ALL the time.” And she said it as if she was saying…….. “I mean, I don’t want to talk about men ALL the time”. You know that conversation we women can get stuck in before one of us gets fed up thinking about our last no good relationship---lol. Yes, that one. It was the same tone. So I basically stated that we obviously have a difference of opinion and that I had to get ready for my dental appointment.
After we parted I felt really disappointed. More like hurt. Cause this colleague is one that claims to love the Lord and claims to really have “strong faith”. I mean, I’ve seen some things she’s done, and heard some things she’s said that made me raise an eyebrow or two. But we’re both growing in the Lord and so we’re entitled to “slip-ups” as long as we don’t stay there. But to now hear her say that she doesn’t want to talk about God ALL the time……wow. I mean, supposed the Lord said to her that He doesn’t want to hear her deepest prayers ALL the time. Or that He doesn’t want to bless her ALL the time. I’m sorry. I’m really venting here---lol.
I mean, I know we all make mistakes and fall. But personally, I can’t stay down for long cause I HATE being out of God’s presence. And I hate the thought of disappointing the Lord. And so my actions and reactions about my Christian journey are expressed all the time to her. Especially at my most vulnerable times. And at my happiest times. I go to her and we talk. About God. And she seems to accept it. I mean, I thought it was safe for me to chat with her about something spectacular that the Lord did for me in my life. And for the most part, that’s daily. Daily I give her a praise report. Because she seemed to be interested. Now I’m feeling otherwise. Like maybe I’ve been backing her in a corner and she doesn’t know how to tell me that she isn’t really interested in hearing what I have to say. Maybe she’s using her cousin as an excuse. I don’t know. And I’m not gonna let my mind lean on its own understanding. Really, I’m not.
Oh, its coming back to me now. She mentioned that her cousin doesn’t have “balance” and that Christians need to have “balance”. Can I say something about balance?????? Why do folk seem to think that balance is God on the left and fun on the right. That’s soooo not balance. That's being totally lopsided---lol. If "church-goers" think this is what balance is...no wonder they keep falling--lol. Anyway.....she even went as far as to say that her cousin was living too far to the left---lolol. Its really not funny, but I gotta laugh to prevent myself from crying. Really, I do.
Ok, when I think of balance I think of mind, body, and Spirit. That’s what we humans are made of. The image of God. Some say soul instead of Spirit, and I guess that’s fine since the Spirit lives in the soul. Anyway, in order for us to maintain properly in this world as humans we have to have all three of these parts of us in action. That’s why you’ll see lots of folk on a daily workout regime to work their body, and going to school to work their mind, and having some type of spirituality to work their soul. Yes, yes…..your soul can be sold to the devil---lol. But this is where a lot of folk practice all types of religions. Cause they need that third part of them to be fulfilled. But unfortunately, when you don’t have Christ these three parts operate on self motives. That’s why you’ll hear of “successful” folk committing suicide. Or beautiful supermodels being depressed. Cause their being is all working against each other.
But this is the thing…….
When you give yourself TOTALLY to God-----your mind, body, and Spirit becomes ONE under HIS authority. So the body aspect becomes much deeper than just going to the gym. It becomes a will over the flesh. And self-control. And the mind thing becomes more than just picking up a textbook, it becomes practicing prudence and having the mind of Christ. And the Spirit……well you know what that is. That’s pure worship to God. Wholeheartedly walking in the Holy Spirit. So when a Christian submits their total self to God and all parts are operating……mind, body, and soul……that’s balance. And God is operating in and ALL parts. Because He’s ONE with us. He’s the sum total!! How can you have God on one side of your life and the world on the other side. Wow!!!! I’m getting a revelation as I’m writing this. It just proves how twisted we’ve become. Just going to church ain’t gonna do it. One has to live, breathe, eat, talk………God. God is in me. He lives IN ME. How can I not live, breathe, eat, talk……God. A true Christian really has no choice. Not fanatically, but just because God is embedded in our being. I can’t even give an analogy because God’s greatness is Supreme. There’s no other and nothing else that can compare.
I gotta tell you…….there’s not a minute that goes by that my thoughts ain’t on Christ. I’m in LUUUUV with God. And if I can walk all day quoting Bible scriptures and singing praise songs I would. So to some degree I kinda understand my colleague‘s cousin. But I can’t always express my feelings verbally. Out loud. So I live it in my walk. And you better believe that just because it doesn’t come out of my mouth at any given moment, doesn’t mean that its not in my thoughts. I LUUUV thinking about Jesus. I LUUUUV talking about Jesus. And I LUUUUUV hearing other folk talk about the goodness of God. I was having a conversation with my girlfriend over the weekend and she said it too how she loves talking about the Lord. She and I can go HOURS talking about the Lord. Especially as we’re growing in Him and discovering how He’s speaking to us---giving revelations. Just how He’s operating in our lives. And so many times we chat just on some of the most amazing things that happened to us over the course of the week. She’ll tell me things and I’ll get excited, and vice versa. And when we hang up, I feel so refreshed and replenished. It’s a wonderful feeling.
But my inner circle (all who too love the Lord--yay!) are not always around. So when I got something deep on my mind…….I blog. That’s what this blog is---my Christian walk. It’s purely for me to tell about the goodness of the Lord to whoever wants to listen. Cause I always got a testimony to tell---lol. And whoever doesn’t want to ALWAYS hear me talking about the Lord then they don’t have to log on. It’s that simple.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. --Colossians 3:2
I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. --Romans 6:19
You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. --Romans 8:9
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes....... --Romans 1:16
I don’t even know how to express this, so as usual……please bear with me. The funny thing is that I don’t even know how me and my colleague got on the conversation that lead to my “enlightening moment”. Ok, I think I remember now. My colleague was telling me about her cousin who attends a church that is held in a hotel ballroom. She first started by saying that when she visited it didn’t feel like church….because of its location. So I questioned it. I mean, I’ve had church in a number of buildings from hotel ballrooms to a converted department store to office space to a warehouse. Even on a cruise!!! As long as the anointing is there then church is church to me. We are the church, not the building. Anyway……
So after I explained…..my colleague then went on to say that her cousin’s church is really weird. That they are obsessed with being a Christian. She referred to them as “fanatics”. She said that she can’t even have a conversation with her cousin without her cousin quoting a scripture or bringing up God. I really wanted to understand because I do know that there are “religious” folk out there who seems to be trying to prove something to themselves while “witnessing” to others. So I listened. Trying not to pass judgment on anybody, especially a sister-in-Christ that I have never even met. So I listened.
After about ten minutes into this deep conversation, my colleague saw that I wasn’t responding in total agreement, so she started giving me examples. Basically saying that her cousin has become judgmental, and self-righteous, and doesn’t know how to go out and have a good time, and everything she does and says is about God….yada, yada. And then she said something that stopped me in my tracks. When she said it I knew that it was time to end the conversation. She said…….. “I mean, I don’t want to talk about God ALL the time.” And she said it as if she was saying…….. “I mean, I don’t want to talk about men ALL the time”. You know that conversation we women can get stuck in before one of us gets fed up thinking about our last no good relationship---lol. Yes, that one. It was the same tone. So I basically stated that we obviously have a difference of opinion and that I had to get ready for my dental appointment.
After we parted I felt really disappointed. More like hurt. Cause this colleague is one that claims to love the Lord and claims to really have “strong faith”. I mean, I’ve seen some things she’s done, and heard some things she’s said that made me raise an eyebrow or two. But we’re both growing in the Lord and so we’re entitled to “slip-ups” as long as we don’t stay there. But to now hear her say that she doesn’t want to talk about God ALL the time……wow. I mean, supposed the Lord said to her that He doesn’t want to hear her deepest prayers ALL the time. Or that He doesn’t want to bless her ALL the time. I’m sorry. I’m really venting here---lol.
I mean, I know we all make mistakes and fall. But personally, I can’t stay down for long cause I HATE being out of God’s presence. And I hate the thought of disappointing the Lord. And so my actions and reactions about my Christian journey are expressed all the time to her. Especially at my most vulnerable times. And at my happiest times. I go to her and we talk. About God. And she seems to accept it. I mean, I thought it was safe for me to chat with her about something spectacular that the Lord did for me in my life. And for the most part, that’s daily. Daily I give her a praise report. Because she seemed to be interested. Now I’m feeling otherwise. Like maybe I’ve been backing her in a corner and she doesn’t know how to tell me that she isn’t really interested in hearing what I have to say. Maybe she’s using her cousin as an excuse. I don’t know. And I’m not gonna let my mind lean on its own understanding. Really, I’m not.
Oh, its coming back to me now. She mentioned that her cousin doesn’t have “balance” and that Christians need to have “balance”. Can I say something about balance?????? Why do folk seem to think that balance is God on the left and fun on the right. That’s soooo not balance. That's being totally lopsided---lol. If "church-goers" think this is what balance is...no wonder they keep falling--lol. Anyway.....she even went as far as to say that her cousin was living too far to the left---lolol. Its really not funny, but I gotta laugh to prevent myself from crying. Really, I do.
Ok, when I think of balance I think of mind, body, and Spirit. That’s what we humans are made of. The image of God. Some say soul instead of Spirit, and I guess that’s fine since the Spirit lives in the soul. Anyway, in order for us to maintain properly in this world as humans we have to have all three of these parts of us in action. That’s why you’ll see lots of folk on a daily workout regime to work their body, and going to school to work their mind, and having some type of spirituality to work their soul. Yes, yes…..your soul can be sold to the devil---lol. But this is where a lot of folk practice all types of religions. Cause they need that third part of them to be fulfilled. But unfortunately, when you don’t have Christ these three parts operate on self motives. That’s why you’ll hear of “successful” folk committing suicide. Or beautiful supermodels being depressed. Cause their being is all working against each other.
But this is the thing…….
When you give yourself TOTALLY to God-----your mind, body, and Spirit becomes ONE under HIS authority. So the body aspect becomes much deeper than just going to the gym. It becomes a will over the flesh. And self-control. And the mind thing becomes more than just picking up a textbook, it becomes practicing prudence and having the mind of Christ. And the Spirit……well you know what that is. That’s pure worship to God. Wholeheartedly walking in the Holy Spirit. So when a Christian submits their total self to God and all parts are operating……mind, body, and soul……that’s balance. And God is operating in and ALL parts. Because He’s ONE with us. He’s the sum total!! How can you have God on one side of your life and the world on the other side. Wow!!!! I’m getting a revelation as I’m writing this. It just proves how twisted we’ve become. Just going to church ain’t gonna do it. One has to live, breathe, eat, talk………God. God is in me. He lives IN ME. How can I not live, breathe, eat, talk……God. A true Christian really has no choice. Not fanatically, but just because God is embedded in our being. I can’t even give an analogy because God’s greatness is Supreme. There’s no other and nothing else that can compare.
I gotta tell you…….there’s not a minute that goes by that my thoughts ain’t on Christ. I’m in LUUUUV with God. And if I can walk all day quoting Bible scriptures and singing praise songs I would. So to some degree I kinda understand my colleague‘s cousin. But I can’t always express my feelings verbally. Out loud. So I live it in my walk. And you better believe that just because it doesn’t come out of my mouth at any given moment, doesn’t mean that its not in my thoughts. I LUUUV thinking about Jesus. I LUUUUV talking about Jesus. And I LUUUUUV hearing other folk talk about the goodness of God. I was having a conversation with my girlfriend over the weekend and she said it too how she loves talking about the Lord. She and I can go HOURS talking about the Lord. Especially as we’re growing in Him and discovering how He’s speaking to us---giving revelations. Just how He’s operating in our lives. And so many times we chat just on some of the most amazing things that happened to us over the course of the week. She’ll tell me things and I’ll get excited, and vice versa. And when we hang up, I feel so refreshed and replenished. It’s a wonderful feeling.
But my inner circle (all who too love the Lord--yay!) are not always around. So when I got something deep on my mind…….I blog. That’s what this blog is---my Christian walk. It’s purely for me to tell about the goodness of the Lord to whoever wants to listen. Cause I always got a testimony to tell---lol. And whoever doesn’t want to ALWAYS hear me talking about the Lord then they don’t have to log on. It’s that simple.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. --Colossians 3:2
I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. --Romans 6:19
You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. --Romans 8:9
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes....... --Romans 1:16
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
Can’t believe its Sunday already. Seems like my weekend just started. And now I’m doing my Sunday thingy already……..preparing for the week. This week shouldn’t be bad though cause next week is a three-day weekend---yaaaay!!
So this afternoon I watched the Fabulous Life of Super Spoiled Stage Moms on VH1. Some of the moms featured were Bow Wow, Missy Elliott, Ashanti, Lindsay Lohan, Alicia Keys, P. Diddy, and Ne-Yo’s moms. Wow. Don’t know what to say. Actually I know what I’m thinking but I don’t know how to put it in words. So bear with me--lol. I guess if I was shallow and insecure I’d be made to feel like either I should have a wealthy child that would spoil me with super expensive gifts or………that I wish I was even a mommy. Can’t say that both wouldn’t be nice, but when I stopped to really analyze those “super spoiled” mothers something deeper was revealed.
Having a career in marriage education is really something so much deeper than me. It’s really a calling from God. Many times throughout my day--even on the weekends--the Lord will reveal certain things to me concerning relationships and marriage. And usually, when He gives me revelations it almost hits me over the head like a bag of apples. It be just that deep.
As I was watching the Fabulous Life of Super Spoiled Stage Moms something was revealed. Don’t know if you’ve watched the show, are familiar with these celebrities and their moms, or…..even care--lol. But there’s much publicity out there about these moms because they have a huge stake in their children’s careers, in addition to being their moms. And so as a result…..these woman are showered with mansions, luxury cars, diamonds, furs, exotic vacations, businesses and so on. One “super spoiled” mom was given a church from her celebrity son. YES….a church!!! They showed her in the pulpit preaching. But what was revealed to me is that most, if not all, of these moms are unmarried. Hmmmmm……
Wow…..where do I start this one…..lol. Ok, let me say this……..are we suppose to be submitting to the authority of our children???????? Ok, I didn’t think so. I mean, these women, and lots more out there including Beyonce’s mother, Usher’s mother, and countless others have dedicated their entire lives around their children’s “purpose”. But I firmly believe that this is not the true will of God.
As powerful as Jesus was as an earthly man, Mary, His momma, still knew her purpose and place. When Jesus was doing His thing with the disciples and in His ministry, Mary had a very limited role. I mean, she was still the mother of Jesus and made us clear of that, but she didn’t interfere with what God had commissioned for her Son. Cause had she did……..He would not have gone to the cross. Ok, let’s just be real---lol. But Mary, too had a higher calling. And she had to answer to God. She was also a mother to other children and the wife of Joseph. And so she handled her purpose well.
So as I was watching VH1, I couldn’t help to think of how satan has tricked us, yet again. Now using the sacred relationship between a mother and child. Cause as long as our children can “provide” for us……we don’t really need a man. Hello! Many times, women who are single who have “powerful” children, they can’t even bring a man into their world unless the children approves. And on the flip side……if the momma is playing “first lady”, the children can’t even bring a potential mate in if the momma doesn’t approve. And you know when momma plays first lady the requirements are ridiculously SUPER HIGH. Not all men will take the plunge like Usher. I tip my hat to brotha man. Really I do. Because it’s such a twisted and conniving trick of the enemy. As I was watching, I couldn’t help but to wonder if all the mothers would trade all of their luxury for a good man. A good Godly man. Probably. But probably not. It’s a continuous lopsided, unbalanced cycle. And for some reason we’ve tricked ourselves into being proud of this. And so we portray the image as if its okay. Cause money and fame have become the cure all. Umph.
You know what…….according to Genesis 1, after God had provided all of our earthly needs, he then created man. And the first gift that He gave man was a WIFE. The first gift!!!! Not anything monetary, but commitment. The gift of a bond. Of love. A priceless gift. The Word talks about the duty of a husband and a wife, and their purpose and mission on this earth. THEY are the partners called to duty for God’s purpose. A husband and wife relationship is the only relationship that God allows to be equivalent to Him and the church. Any other relationship becomes idolatry. And if we’re not careful, we can put other people and things in a place where we worship them. Like our children. We were not put on earth to submit to the authority of our children. They are not to be partners with us. Its man and woman. HUSBAND AND WIFE. Period.
Ok, don’t get me wrong I know the struggles of a mother who had to raise a child alone. Really I do. I was born into a single-parent household. And so the more I hear about it, especially the moms who are raising very good kids into very good adults, I tear up. I have sisters and girlfriends who are doing this. And doing it well. But not by choice, but by circumstances. I believe that most women who bring children in the world alone started their relationship hoping for the best. I know my loved ones did. And truth be told….I could’ve been in this same predicament myself had it not been for God’s grace. So I tip my hats and salute ALL the single mommas.
But unfortunately, what is happening is that because we have to take up responsibility on both sides…….its becoming very unclear where to draw the line. As a result, we end up becoming our children’s EVERYTHING. Even spilling into their adulthood and making major decisions in their adult lives. But guess what……….its not supposed to be this way. Not according to God’s divine purpose. Even if we are married……we have to trust God with our children’s lives because they too have a purpose and mission. And I doubt it has anything to do with their mommas--lol.
I often wonder what type of mother I’ll be. Well, if it is any indication from the protection I have over my nieces and nephews then………wow. But I know that I need a husband in order to parent. I can’t do it alone. Cause I would get on my child’s nerves---lol. My child would probably divorce me----lol. Cause I’d probably smother them and be overprotective. Yes, my children will need the balance--lol. Ok, I should say that I will need the balance---lol. I’ma need my husband to say……. “baby, chill out…..I got this!!”
But I look forward to being a mother. Really, I do. I don’t talk about it much cause…....well cause I just don’t---lol. But I do want to be a mommy. I have this saying that I ALWAYS say though. It’s…….thank God for my baby……but its his daddy I want--lol. In other words……thank God for the gift, but it’s the GIVER that I want.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. --Genesis 2:24
………For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” --Matthew 19:5-6
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife…… --Mark 10:7
So this afternoon I watched the Fabulous Life of Super Spoiled Stage Moms on VH1. Some of the moms featured were Bow Wow, Missy Elliott, Ashanti, Lindsay Lohan, Alicia Keys, P. Diddy, and Ne-Yo’s moms. Wow. Don’t know what to say. Actually I know what I’m thinking but I don’t know how to put it in words. So bear with me--lol. I guess if I was shallow and insecure I’d be made to feel like either I should have a wealthy child that would spoil me with super expensive gifts or………that I wish I was even a mommy. Can’t say that both wouldn’t be nice, but when I stopped to really analyze those “super spoiled” mothers something deeper was revealed.
Having a career in marriage education is really something so much deeper than me. It’s really a calling from God. Many times throughout my day--even on the weekends--the Lord will reveal certain things to me concerning relationships and marriage. And usually, when He gives me revelations it almost hits me over the head like a bag of apples. It be just that deep.
As I was watching the Fabulous Life of Super Spoiled Stage Moms something was revealed. Don’t know if you’ve watched the show, are familiar with these celebrities and their moms, or…..even care--lol. But there’s much publicity out there about these moms because they have a huge stake in their children’s careers, in addition to being their moms. And so as a result…..these woman are showered with mansions, luxury cars, diamonds, furs, exotic vacations, businesses and so on. One “super spoiled” mom was given a church from her celebrity son. YES….a church!!! They showed her in the pulpit preaching. But what was revealed to me is that most, if not all, of these moms are unmarried. Hmmmmm……
Wow…..where do I start this one…..lol. Ok, let me say this……..are we suppose to be submitting to the authority of our children???????? Ok, I didn’t think so. I mean, these women, and lots more out there including Beyonce’s mother, Usher’s mother, and countless others have dedicated their entire lives around their children’s “purpose”. But I firmly believe that this is not the true will of God.
As powerful as Jesus was as an earthly man, Mary, His momma, still knew her purpose and place. When Jesus was doing His thing with the disciples and in His ministry, Mary had a very limited role. I mean, she was still the mother of Jesus and made us clear of that, but she didn’t interfere with what God had commissioned for her Son. Cause had she did……..He would not have gone to the cross. Ok, let’s just be real---lol. But Mary, too had a higher calling. And she had to answer to God. She was also a mother to other children and the wife of Joseph. And so she handled her purpose well.
So as I was watching VH1, I couldn’t help to think of how satan has tricked us, yet again. Now using the sacred relationship between a mother and child. Cause as long as our children can “provide” for us……we don’t really need a man. Hello! Many times, women who are single who have “powerful” children, they can’t even bring a man into their world unless the children approves. And on the flip side……if the momma is playing “first lady”, the children can’t even bring a potential mate in if the momma doesn’t approve. And you know when momma plays first lady the requirements are ridiculously SUPER HIGH. Not all men will take the plunge like Usher. I tip my hat to brotha man. Really I do. Because it’s such a twisted and conniving trick of the enemy. As I was watching, I couldn’t help but to wonder if all the mothers would trade all of their luxury for a good man. A good Godly man. Probably. But probably not. It’s a continuous lopsided, unbalanced cycle. And for some reason we’ve tricked ourselves into being proud of this. And so we portray the image as if its okay. Cause money and fame have become the cure all. Umph.
You know what…….according to Genesis 1, after God had provided all of our earthly needs, he then created man. And the first gift that He gave man was a WIFE. The first gift!!!! Not anything monetary, but commitment. The gift of a bond. Of love. A priceless gift. The Word talks about the duty of a husband and a wife, and their purpose and mission on this earth. THEY are the partners called to duty for God’s purpose. A husband and wife relationship is the only relationship that God allows to be equivalent to Him and the church. Any other relationship becomes idolatry. And if we’re not careful, we can put other people and things in a place where we worship them. Like our children. We were not put on earth to submit to the authority of our children. They are not to be partners with us. Its man and woman. HUSBAND AND WIFE. Period.
Ok, don’t get me wrong I know the struggles of a mother who had to raise a child alone. Really I do. I was born into a single-parent household. And so the more I hear about it, especially the moms who are raising very good kids into very good adults, I tear up. I have sisters and girlfriends who are doing this. And doing it well. But not by choice, but by circumstances. I believe that most women who bring children in the world alone started their relationship hoping for the best. I know my loved ones did. And truth be told….I could’ve been in this same predicament myself had it not been for God’s grace. So I tip my hats and salute ALL the single mommas.
But unfortunately, what is happening is that because we have to take up responsibility on both sides…….its becoming very unclear where to draw the line. As a result, we end up becoming our children’s EVERYTHING. Even spilling into their adulthood and making major decisions in their adult lives. But guess what……….its not supposed to be this way. Not according to God’s divine purpose. Even if we are married……we have to trust God with our children’s lives because they too have a purpose and mission. And I doubt it has anything to do with their mommas--lol.
I often wonder what type of mother I’ll be. Well, if it is any indication from the protection I have over my nieces and nephews then………wow. But I know that I need a husband in order to parent. I can’t do it alone. Cause I would get on my child’s nerves---lol. My child would probably divorce me----lol. Cause I’d probably smother them and be overprotective. Yes, my children will need the balance--lol. Ok, I should say that I will need the balance---lol. I’ma need my husband to say……. “baby, chill out…..I got this!!”
But I look forward to being a mother. Really, I do. I don’t talk about it much cause…....well cause I just don’t---lol. But I do want to be a mommy. I have this saying that I ALWAYS say though. It’s…….thank God for my baby……but its his daddy I want--lol. In other words……thank God for the gift, but it’s the GIVER that I want.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. --Genesis 2:24
………For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” --Matthew 19:5-6
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife…… --Mark 10:7
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. --Ephesians 5:31
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Church Politics
I’ve got something heavy on my mind today. And I don’t really know how to express, so bear with me. Actually, it started when I woke up this morning. I was doing the usual as I was getting dressed---half watching, but fully listening to DayStar TV. Joyce Meyer had a guest on who was talking about love. And what the guest said was…..you can’t say you love God and not love the church. Yes, yes……I know this. I think. At least I thought I did.
He then went on to say that if you break down what love means, according to Corinthians, and apply every component to your feelings for the church then you’ll know if you really “love the church”. I tried this in an entry back in February, entitled A True Love, but I used people, not the church. So I gave the church a try this morning. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I was shocked, but I couldn’t get through a great part of the list. In fact, my feelings for the church actually go against love. I hate to feel like this…..but let me explain why I feel/felt this way.
First, I’m easily angered by the church. Cause they can do some stupid stuff. From my experience, it seems like it’s all based on money. Not to mention, the folk who sit in leadership positions that can’t even be cordial to us regular folk without thinking their make-up will smear or their image will be tainted. I can go forever about what angers me with the church.
Then, I haven’t been patient. My feelings are that the church needs to get it right, right now!!! I feel like there’s no excuse. NONE. Time is winding up. Again, it’s hard for me to be patient with an entity who can beg for money, get it, ask for more, and not completely serve the people.
Then, yes yes…..I can be rude. I have been at times. I remember going to a church and the pastor pointed me out and said that God said I was to join his church or I would die. YES, HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THIS. And just as fast as he said it I responded faster, in front of the congregation, that I didn’t agree, nor did I accept it. And yes, I said it with an attitude. The truth of the matter, I probably would have joined the church if I hadn’t witnessed him prophesying over folk all to do with money and saying to them that they should give a certain dollar amount first before their prophecy would come to pass. Wait a minute, no I take that back--lol. I wouldn’t have joined the church cause I had proof that dude was sleeping with a few of the women in the church. So yes, when it comes down to foolishness, the rudeness can come out of me.
Then, I really have to admit this……I have kept record of wrong. I have a mental file cabinet of things that the church does that is contrary to the Word of God. And it keeps piling up. Maybe I think one day I can unload it all on God when we meet face-to-face. As if He doesn’t already know. Lol.
Then, I don’t trust the church. As soon as I get comfortable in a church thinking that they’re coming with pure Godly motives, I get hit with the bullcrap. Anything from trying to bamboozle me out of money to making me feel like I can never be closer to God like the church leaders. So I’ve become very guarded over the years.
Then, I don’t persevere. Any church bullcrap that I spot, I flee. Ain’t got time to be dealing with folk who are trying to hinder my worship with the Lord. Yes, I’ve been known to flee a church. Especially when I spot shadiness in the finance department.
Then, I don’t protect the church. I was reading an article yesterday about a pastor in Baltimore who admitted that he coerced a few of his handicapped members into making him the beneficiary of their insurance policies and then hired a hit man to kill them off. Of course the comments about the article were rampant. Most saying stuff like that’s why they don’t go to church and don’t trust pastors. And the more I read the more I concurred with the comments. I could’ve very well submitted a comment on the contrary, but I didn’t.
(Deep Breath)
So as I was listening to the guest on Joyce Meyer’s this morning, the Lord started convicting me. My heart was heavy and I felt bad. Cause my feelings toward the church have been very brutal. So I repented. But even as I’m writing, I think I’m still harboring some ill feelings. (Deep breath). Ok, so let me say this again, publicly:
I repent for disliking the church. And I say this wholeheartedly.
Okay, I don’t like the thought of me “disliking” the church. So I’ll say…….going against the church—if that sounds any better-lol. But to be honest, the Lord knows my heart, I luuuv the Body of Christ. But I get so disappointed when the church gets caught up in foolishness. It hurts my heart. Really it does. I think I can deal with anything from gays to divorce in the church, not that’s its right. But when it comes to mishandling honest people’s money…….my heart is not just pierced, but stabbed. And then the hurt turns into frustration and that’s when my patience runs out, and I can’t trust, and……... If there’s one issue that I could go Al Sharpton on…..it would be money and the church.
So today I got a phone call from a family friend whose husband is a new pastor in the area. And she was telling me that they were in the midst of filing their tax exempt status (501(c)3) as well as setting up several outreach ministries/programs in which they will be seeking funding for in the future. So of course I offered my support in helping to set up their programs since they have been such a blessing to me and my family over the years. In addition to that, they are truly committed to the things of God. Truly.
But then my antennas went up when she mentioned the 501(c)3 again. The thought of a church being formed as a corporation rubs me the WRONG way. So I listened and offered some off-the-top-of-my-head advice. Not really wanting to get into the nitty gritty of the issue because I couldn’t speak freely---at work. But I did ask her why she wanted to go the 501(c)3 route and she responded that most churches are established this way, especially the mega churches. I listened. Even before I knew all the ins and outs of managing a nonprofit (I have a master’s in nonprofit management and have worked for three major nonprofits), I know that when a church is operated under the auspices of a business, the Lord is being put on the backburner. Most church leaders don’t even realize this. It’s a deceitful lie that doesn’t appear wrong until a church is in a legal dispute. Then you hear some foolishness like…….. “business-is-business”.
When I got off the phone, it hit me. A lot of churches operate, as it seems, on the money agenda because they simply don’t know any better. Before I started writing this entry I made up in my mind that instead of going against the church, I would be obedient to the Lord in helping the church in every way I can. Especially when its issues that I know a little something about.
So as I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, let me make something clear as far as the church being established as a “nonprofit” entity. So if you’re in a church leadership position…..take notes.
According to the First Amendment……Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. And according to the law, a church that is established as a “church” is automatically exempt from taxation.
The 501(c)3 legal status was introduced in the 1950s by then Senator Lyndon B. Johnson. According to many, I don’t know cause I wasn’t born back then therefore have never heard dude speak on the issue, but its said that LBJ developed this IRS code because the church was having too much power in public policy. By establishing this, many say, LBJ was trying to silence the church. This certainly goes against the First Amendment as it concerns the church.
The church needs to understand that when they form as a corporation, they have given up their submission to God’s authority and become subject to that of the state. When filing for 501(c)3 status, a church is swearing to be governed by the state. Therefore, the state becomes the head and sovereign authority. No longer God. As a result, when certain issues arise like abortion and gays marrying (yeah, it’s headed to your state—lol), if your church is a corporation you are legally limited on what you can say even if the Lord has commanded you to speak. If you notice, not that many pastors are speaking out about gay marriage or any other social issue, publicly. And that’s for one or two reasons---lol.
But then there’s the issue of……..if a church doesn’t file as a nonprofit corporation then they will have to pay taxes. This is the biggest misconception that is out there. I mean, why does the church need to seek permission from a tax they didn’t owe to begin with????? The law automatically exempts churches without a 501(c)3 status. But an attorney will advise otherwise, for obvious reasons.
What I think, and this is just my opinion, but what I think churches do is try to prove to their members that they are “legit” by establishing as a 501(c)3. Unfortunately, this status brings “false” credibility because it tells a member that it is “safe” to financially contribute to a particular church when in fact most shadiness in church finances are done under the 501(c)3 status. In addition, its boasted that by having this status it allows the member to write their contributions off on their personal tax filings. But no need!!! The member can too still do this, even without the status. As long as a church is a CHURCH, and not a center as most churches are renaming themselves, then its covered. And furthermore, if that’s the only way a member is comfortable in giving to their church then perhaps their money may not be a good seed to be sown in that ministry. But all money has become green to the church, unfortunately.
As I’m writing this entry, I thought about a couple of years ago when several congressmen demanded to see the financial records of several mega-church ministries, Creflo Dollar’s ministry being one. It was very embarrassing and humiliating. And another notch in the world’s “let’s destroy the church by making them destroy themselves” agenda. It was very public. But then, I remember stumbling across an article that said when Creflo Dollar turned over his records (his ministry being one of the only, or first, to comply---can’t remember which one) they were almost squeaky clean. Very much in order. This article of course was very quiet. I’m sure not many had read it. Those senators demanding to see financial documentation like that was a prime example of being under the authority of the state. This should have been a wake-up call for many.
So then, why does a church really need to establish as a corporation as a (501(c)3)?? I mean, if its only benefit is to appease its members then why???? There is another “advantage”. It helps the church to get funding from the government and foundations. But again, that means the church is not just under the state’s headship, but now under the authority of the funding entity. Most funders won’t even look at a church if it’s not established as a legal corporation. Again, it’s a false sense of credibility where a lot of times greed falls into the trap.
I remember a girlfriend was telling me about an incident that happened to her church. She said that they had just established a program for the elderly and were excited. Many seniors from their neighborhood were involved and benefiting from the services, all while being ministered to. And so they were encouraged to apply for a grant. So they did. And they were awarded the grant, increasing the program and its services. A couple of months into the grant, this being very new to them, they were abruptly visited by one of the grants officers. The officer came in, demanded to see paperwork that they had no idea they needed to have, and because they didn’t have it their funding was immediately taken away.
Now don’t get me wrong………I’d be the first to say you need to have your stuff in order in ANY situation. ESPECIALLY since I monitor programs and do site visits for a living--lol. And more importantly, because the Word of God speaks about this. But in more than enough situations, the services are being provided as promised, but one little “default” and your ministry can be shut down without notice depending on where the money is coming from.
Now what has been really on the rise in the last few decades or so is the church purchasing up all types of real estate. From shopping centers to homes to vacation spots to mega buildings. And more than likely they are purchasing under their 501(c)3 status which allows for……….huge tax breaks. That's the whole purpose. And you know what kind of return you get on real estate. Its actually the biggest and safest investment. So yes…..the church is making money by using their corporation status as well. Its a very powerful status to have. But its at the expense of their souls. And again, most are not even aware of this. They think the government is helping them out. Umph.
Soooo what this all trickles down to is the church being governed by money, not being under the direct authority of God. And this is what has been eating me up for the last umpteen years. Even in the most innocent situations, money is ruling the church. There are churches whose pastors are fully aware of their greedy motives, and try to justify it with the Word of God. Can I make a news flash……..the inheritance God promised us is not earthly, and neither is His kingdom. I know of several churches that have leaders in place who are operating on self motives and are out of the will of God. And the pastor knows this. But because the leaders are heavy financial contributors they’re kept in place.
Look, bottomline…….I know the church needs money to pay for its daily necessities. But if we would all do our part as the Body of Christ, that’s serving unselfishly in ministry, spreading the authentic Gospel, giving of ourselves without looking for a return from the church, and truly trusting God to provide our needs (as well as the church’s needs)…….then we don’t have to be bound by the government or any other person or institution that’s trying to work above what God mandated in His covenant with His people. Just trust GOD to provide!! It’s that simple. And I’m down with that.
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being priest for Me; Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children. “ The more they increased, The more they sinned against Me; I will change their glory into shame. --Hosea 4:6-7
He then went on to say that if you break down what love means, according to Corinthians, and apply every component to your feelings for the church then you’ll know if you really “love the church”. I tried this in an entry back in February, entitled A True Love, but I used people, not the church. So I gave the church a try this morning. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I was shocked, but I couldn’t get through a great part of the list. In fact, my feelings for the church actually go against love. I hate to feel like this…..but let me explain why I feel/felt this way.
First, I’m easily angered by the church. Cause they can do some stupid stuff. From my experience, it seems like it’s all based on money. Not to mention, the folk who sit in leadership positions that can’t even be cordial to us regular folk without thinking their make-up will smear or their image will be tainted. I can go forever about what angers me with the church.
Then, I haven’t been patient. My feelings are that the church needs to get it right, right now!!! I feel like there’s no excuse. NONE. Time is winding up. Again, it’s hard for me to be patient with an entity who can beg for money, get it, ask for more, and not completely serve the people.
Then, yes yes…..I can be rude. I have been at times. I remember going to a church and the pastor pointed me out and said that God said I was to join his church or I would die. YES, HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THIS. And just as fast as he said it I responded faster, in front of the congregation, that I didn’t agree, nor did I accept it. And yes, I said it with an attitude. The truth of the matter, I probably would have joined the church if I hadn’t witnessed him prophesying over folk all to do with money and saying to them that they should give a certain dollar amount first before their prophecy would come to pass. Wait a minute, no I take that back--lol. I wouldn’t have joined the church cause I had proof that dude was sleeping with a few of the women in the church. So yes, when it comes down to foolishness, the rudeness can come out of me.
Then, I really have to admit this……I have kept record of wrong. I have a mental file cabinet of things that the church does that is contrary to the Word of God. And it keeps piling up. Maybe I think one day I can unload it all on God when we meet face-to-face. As if He doesn’t already know. Lol.
Then, I don’t trust the church. As soon as I get comfortable in a church thinking that they’re coming with pure Godly motives, I get hit with the bullcrap. Anything from trying to bamboozle me out of money to making me feel like I can never be closer to God like the church leaders. So I’ve become very guarded over the years.
Then, I don’t persevere. Any church bullcrap that I spot, I flee. Ain’t got time to be dealing with folk who are trying to hinder my worship with the Lord. Yes, I’ve been known to flee a church. Especially when I spot shadiness in the finance department.
Then, I don’t protect the church. I was reading an article yesterday about a pastor in Baltimore who admitted that he coerced a few of his handicapped members into making him the beneficiary of their insurance policies and then hired a hit man to kill them off. Of course the comments about the article were rampant. Most saying stuff like that’s why they don’t go to church and don’t trust pastors. And the more I read the more I concurred with the comments. I could’ve very well submitted a comment on the contrary, but I didn’t.
(Deep Breath)
So as I was listening to the guest on Joyce Meyer’s this morning, the Lord started convicting me. My heart was heavy and I felt bad. Cause my feelings toward the church have been very brutal. So I repented. But even as I’m writing, I think I’m still harboring some ill feelings. (Deep breath). Ok, so let me say this again, publicly:
I repent for disliking the church. And I say this wholeheartedly.
Okay, I don’t like the thought of me “disliking” the church. So I’ll say…….going against the church—if that sounds any better-lol. But to be honest, the Lord knows my heart, I luuuv the Body of Christ. But I get so disappointed when the church gets caught up in foolishness. It hurts my heart. Really it does. I think I can deal with anything from gays to divorce in the church, not that’s its right. But when it comes to mishandling honest people’s money…….my heart is not just pierced, but stabbed. And then the hurt turns into frustration and that’s when my patience runs out, and I can’t trust, and……... If there’s one issue that I could go Al Sharpton on…..it would be money and the church.
So today I got a phone call from a family friend whose husband is a new pastor in the area. And she was telling me that they were in the midst of filing their tax exempt status (501(c)3) as well as setting up several outreach ministries/programs in which they will be seeking funding for in the future. So of course I offered my support in helping to set up their programs since they have been such a blessing to me and my family over the years. In addition to that, they are truly committed to the things of God. Truly.
But then my antennas went up when she mentioned the 501(c)3 again. The thought of a church being formed as a corporation rubs me the WRONG way. So I listened and offered some off-the-top-of-my-head advice. Not really wanting to get into the nitty gritty of the issue because I couldn’t speak freely---at work. But I did ask her why she wanted to go the 501(c)3 route and she responded that most churches are established this way, especially the mega churches. I listened. Even before I knew all the ins and outs of managing a nonprofit (I have a master’s in nonprofit management and have worked for three major nonprofits), I know that when a church is operated under the auspices of a business, the Lord is being put on the backburner. Most church leaders don’t even realize this. It’s a deceitful lie that doesn’t appear wrong until a church is in a legal dispute. Then you hear some foolishness like…….. “business-is-business”.
When I got off the phone, it hit me. A lot of churches operate, as it seems, on the money agenda because they simply don’t know any better. Before I started writing this entry I made up in my mind that instead of going against the church, I would be obedient to the Lord in helping the church in every way I can. Especially when its issues that I know a little something about.
So as I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, let me make something clear as far as the church being established as a “nonprofit” entity. So if you’re in a church leadership position…..take notes.
According to the First Amendment……Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. And according to the law, a church that is established as a “church” is automatically exempt from taxation.
The 501(c)3 legal status was introduced in the 1950s by then Senator Lyndon B. Johnson. According to many, I don’t know cause I wasn’t born back then therefore have never heard dude speak on the issue, but its said that LBJ developed this IRS code because the church was having too much power in public policy. By establishing this, many say, LBJ was trying to silence the church. This certainly goes against the First Amendment as it concerns the church.
The church needs to understand that when they form as a corporation, they have given up their submission to God’s authority and become subject to that of the state. When filing for 501(c)3 status, a church is swearing to be governed by the state. Therefore, the state becomes the head and sovereign authority. No longer God. As a result, when certain issues arise like abortion and gays marrying (yeah, it’s headed to your state—lol), if your church is a corporation you are legally limited on what you can say even if the Lord has commanded you to speak. If you notice, not that many pastors are speaking out about gay marriage or any other social issue, publicly. And that’s for one or two reasons---lol.
But then there’s the issue of……..if a church doesn’t file as a nonprofit corporation then they will have to pay taxes. This is the biggest misconception that is out there. I mean, why does the church need to seek permission from a tax they didn’t owe to begin with????? The law automatically exempts churches without a 501(c)3 status. But an attorney will advise otherwise, for obvious reasons.
What I think, and this is just my opinion, but what I think churches do is try to prove to their members that they are “legit” by establishing as a 501(c)3. Unfortunately, this status brings “false” credibility because it tells a member that it is “safe” to financially contribute to a particular church when in fact most shadiness in church finances are done under the 501(c)3 status. In addition, its boasted that by having this status it allows the member to write their contributions off on their personal tax filings. But no need!!! The member can too still do this, even without the status. As long as a church is a CHURCH, and not a center as most churches are renaming themselves, then its covered. And furthermore, if that’s the only way a member is comfortable in giving to their church then perhaps their money may not be a good seed to be sown in that ministry. But all money has become green to the church, unfortunately.
As I’m writing this entry, I thought about a couple of years ago when several congressmen demanded to see the financial records of several mega-church ministries, Creflo Dollar’s ministry being one. It was very embarrassing and humiliating. And another notch in the world’s “let’s destroy the church by making them destroy themselves” agenda. It was very public. But then, I remember stumbling across an article that said when Creflo Dollar turned over his records (his ministry being one of the only, or first, to comply---can’t remember which one) they were almost squeaky clean. Very much in order. This article of course was very quiet. I’m sure not many had read it. Those senators demanding to see financial documentation like that was a prime example of being under the authority of the state. This should have been a wake-up call for many.
So then, why does a church really need to establish as a corporation as a (501(c)3)?? I mean, if its only benefit is to appease its members then why???? There is another “advantage”. It helps the church to get funding from the government and foundations. But again, that means the church is not just under the state’s headship, but now under the authority of the funding entity. Most funders won’t even look at a church if it’s not established as a legal corporation. Again, it’s a false sense of credibility where a lot of times greed falls into the trap.
I remember a girlfriend was telling me about an incident that happened to her church. She said that they had just established a program for the elderly and were excited. Many seniors from their neighborhood were involved and benefiting from the services, all while being ministered to. And so they were encouraged to apply for a grant. So they did. And they were awarded the grant, increasing the program and its services. A couple of months into the grant, this being very new to them, they were abruptly visited by one of the grants officers. The officer came in, demanded to see paperwork that they had no idea they needed to have, and because they didn’t have it their funding was immediately taken away.
Now don’t get me wrong………I’d be the first to say you need to have your stuff in order in ANY situation. ESPECIALLY since I monitor programs and do site visits for a living--lol. And more importantly, because the Word of God speaks about this. But in more than enough situations, the services are being provided as promised, but one little “default” and your ministry can be shut down without notice depending on where the money is coming from.
Now what has been really on the rise in the last few decades or so is the church purchasing up all types of real estate. From shopping centers to homes to vacation spots to mega buildings. And more than likely they are purchasing under their 501(c)3 status which allows for……….huge tax breaks. That's the whole purpose. And you know what kind of return you get on real estate. Its actually the biggest and safest investment. So yes…..the church is making money by using their corporation status as well. Its a very powerful status to have. But its at the expense of their souls. And again, most are not even aware of this. They think the government is helping them out. Umph.
Soooo what this all trickles down to is the church being governed by money, not being under the direct authority of God. And this is what has been eating me up for the last umpteen years. Even in the most innocent situations, money is ruling the church. There are churches whose pastors are fully aware of their greedy motives, and try to justify it with the Word of God. Can I make a news flash……..the inheritance God promised us is not earthly, and neither is His kingdom. I know of several churches that have leaders in place who are operating on self motives and are out of the will of God. And the pastor knows this. But because the leaders are heavy financial contributors they’re kept in place.
Look, bottomline…….I know the church needs money to pay for its daily necessities. But if we would all do our part as the Body of Christ, that’s serving unselfishly in ministry, spreading the authentic Gospel, giving of ourselves without looking for a return from the church, and truly trusting God to provide our needs (as well as the church’s needs)…….then we don’t have to be bound by the government or any other person or institution that’s trying to work above what God mandated in His covenant with His people. Just trust GOD to provide!! It’s that simple. And I’m down with that.
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being priest for Me; Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children. “ The more they increased, The more they sinned against Me; I will change their glory into shame. --Hosea 4:6-7
Monday, May 11, 2009
Oh No….Not Again!!!
Yep….we got punked again. Satan done punked the church again. Yet again he has found a way to divide us and put us against one another.
(Deep breath) okay, if you’re on the “church scene” then I’m sure you’ve heard about the BET show Sunday’s Best and its finale last night. I’m no longer on the scene, but I got family and friends who are still connected, and so every now and again I’ll hear something. I actually didn’t keep up with Sunday’s Best, but I did hear (and saw) that a girl from the DC area, Y’Anna Crowley, was on there. Other than one other episode, I did watch the last half hour of the finale last night and so yes, yes…..you know me I did voice my opinion--lol. To be honest and frank…….I do understand why Y’Anna won over the other girl. Gotta admit……Y’Anna’s voice is stronger. And to me…….much better.
But I’m still a little confused with the premise of the show. I mean, what’s the point. Are the contestants supposed to be ministering through song or is it just the Black version of American Idol???? When I think of a Sunday morning singer, I think of someone who can sing during an altar call urging sinners to come and give their lives to Christ. That’s removing self and letting God do His perfect will through us. Not church hopping on a promotional tour to promote self. Perhaps that’s not the meaning of Sunday’s Best. Who really knows. Except the five people at the top getting paid off of ALL of us--lol.
Anyway, I hadn’t even watched the show this season. Cause last season, after Crystal Aikin won…..with her runner up being Shari Addison, it was enough for me. That’s what you call sisters who can not just sing, but are anointed. To me…it couldn’t get much better than that. I remember watching one episode from Season 1 and Shari was on the stage praising God with her back to the audience. A major no-no when “performing”. But she obviously was answering to a higher calling. I was actually talking on the phone with my girlfriend when she told me to turn on the television. And I’m telling you…….the anointing was so high it was coming through the screen. Even Kirk was in a corner praising God. I had to drop the phone. I felt it. Just reminded me of the goodness of God.
But this season……….I don’t know. Perhaps the producers didn't want authentic praise this season. I didn’t watch the entire season, so I really can’t say. But when I did finally tune in, I think it was down to the four finalists. When each were singing, I couldn’t really hear the message of the song because everybody was trying to out run and riff each other. I mean dag on……just sing the darn song--lol. And then I was appalled at Kirk Franklin’s comment about one of the girls. He said that her singing makes you feel like you’re at a club sipping on a drink. I couldn’t believe he’d said that. I think that’s when I knew that this show was based on worldly motives.
You know……when are we gonna get it. This whole competition in Gospel music isn’t new. Since I can remember there’s always been some sort of “who’s better in Gospel music” type of thing going on. Especially on the local DC scene. We have some saaangers in this area--lol. We really do. But the sad thing is that rarely do we get a national platform to spread the Gospel and now that we have it……..the end result is division. Half thought that the winner was deserving, and the other half thought not. But out of all the comments that I’ve heard or read I have yet to hear somebody say that by hearing such and such sing they were led to repent and gave their life to Christ.
We can go all night long about who sounded better, and who should have won. But does it really matter???? I mean, we all have a right to our opinions and we all have a right to express them. But lets look at the bigger picture. Let’s just assume that we’re all on the same page as to wanting nothing more than to glorify God and lift His name, removing self from the equation. If this is the case…….how could we have even ended up competing?????? I mean, should we have even been put in a situation where we had to choose the good news over the good news??? You know…..I’ve never heard of a competition where T.D. Jakes, Noel Jones, Eddie Long, and Jamal Bryant were the contestants. NEVER. In fact, I’ve never heard of ANY ministers of the Gospel being in a competition. Why do we compete with Gospel music??? Aren’t Gospel singers and musicians ministers too???? Umph.
For some odd reason I feel like re-posting the lyrics to Crystal Aikin’s debut title cut……I Need More.
I’m needing, I’m wanting
There is something about you
I need to know more of
When I fall on my knees
It’s in my prayer, Oh God
Take me beyond the veil
Give me more of You
Oh, Lord….and if it’s not too much to ask
I wanna deeper relationship with you
I want the oil of God to flow in me
Through and through
Here I am
On bended knees
With outstretched arms crying Lord
Not my will, but Your will
Less of me, and more of You
I need more, I need more
As I go before your throne
I give the praise to You alone
I lift my hands and give you worship
For you are God alone
Let your glory fill this place
Show your hand of mercy
I can’t speak right until you come Lord
Let your presence fall on me
Here I am
Accept my words
Accept my praise
I’m broken, I’m thirsty
Let your blood flow through my veins
I gotta have more, I gotta have more
A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men. The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him. Casting lots causes contentions to cease, and keeps the mighty apart. A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. --Proverbs 18:16-19
(Deep breath) okay, if you’re on the “church scene” then I’m sure you’ve heard about the BET show Sunday’s Best and its finale last night. I’m no longer on the scene, but I got family and friends who are still connected, and so every now and again I’ll hear something. I actually didn’t keep up with Sunday’s Best, but I did hear (and saw) that a girl from the DC area, Y’Anna Crowley, was on there. Other than one other episode, I did watch the last half hour of the finale last night and so yes, yes…..you know me I did voice my opinion--lol. To be honest and frank…….I do understand why Y’Anna won over the other girl. Gotta admit……Y’Anna’s voice is stronger. And to me…….much better.
But I’m still a little confused with the premise of the show. I mean, what’s the point. Are the contestants supposed to be ministering through song or is it just the Black version of American Idol???? When I think of a Sunday morning singer, I think of someone who can sing during an altar call urging sinners to come and give their lives to Christ. That’s removing self and letting God do His perfect will through us. Not church hopping on a promotional tour to promote self. Perhaps that’s not the meaning of Sunday’s Best. Who really knows. Except the five people at the top getting paid off of ALL of us--lol.
Anyway, I hadn’t even watched the show this season. Cause last season, after Crystal Aikin won…..with her runner up being Shari Addison, it was enough for me. That’s what you call sisters who can not just sing, but are anointed. To me…it couldn’t get much better than that. I remember watching one episode from Season 1 and Shari was on the stage praising God with her back to the audience. A major no-no when “performing”. But she obviously was answering to a higher calling. I was actually talking on the phone with my girlfriend when she told me to turn on the television. And I’m telling you…….the anointing was so high it was coming through the screen. Even Kirk was in a corner praising God. I had to drop the phone. I felt it. Just reminded me of the goodness of God.
But this season……….I don’t know. Perhaps the producers didn't want authentic praise this season. I didn’t watch the entire season, so I really can’t say. But when I did finally tune in, I think it was down to the four finalists. When each were singing, I couldn’t really hear the message of the song because everybody was trying to out run and riff each other. I mean dag on……just sing the darn song--lol. And then I was appalled at Kirk Franklin’s comment about one of the girls. He said that her singing makes you feel like you’re at a club sipping on a drink. I couldn’t believe he’d said that. I think that’s when I knew that this show was based on worldly motives.
You know……when are we gonna get it. This whole competition in Gospel music isn’t new. Since I can remember there’s always been some sort of “who’s better in Gospel music” type of thing going on. Especially on the local DC scene. We have some saaangers in this area--lol. We really do. But the sad thing is that rarely do we get a national platform to spread the Gospel and now that we have it……..the end result is division. Half thought that the winner was deserving, and the other half thought not. But out of all the comments that I’ve heard or read I have yet to hear somebody say that by hearing such and such sing they were led to repent and gave their life to Christ.
We can go all night long about who sounded better, and who should have won. But does it really matter???? I mean, we all have a right to our opinions and we all have a right to express them. But lets look at the bigger picture. Let’s just assume that we’re all on the same page as to wanting nothing more than to glorify God and lift His name, removing self from the equation. If this is the case…….how could we have even ended up competing?????? I mean, should we have even been put in a situation where we had to choose the good news over the good news??? You know…..I’ve never heard of a competition where T.D. Jakes, Noel Jones, Eddie Long, and Jamal Bryant were the contestants. NEVER. In fact, I’ve never heard of ANY ministers of the Gospel being in a competition. Why do we compete with Gospel music??? Aren’t Gospel singers and musicians ministers too???? Umph.
For some odd reason I feel like re-posting the lyrics to Crystal Aikin’s debut title cut……I Need More.
I’m needing, I’m wanting
There is something about you
I need to know more of
When I fall on my knees
It’s in my prayer, Oh God
Take me beyond the veil
Give me more of You
Oh, Lord….and if it’s not too much to ask
I wanna deeper relationship with you
I want the oil of God to flow in me
Through and through
Here I am
On bended knees
With outstretched arms crying Lord
Not my will, but Your will
Less of me, and more of You
I need more, I need more
As I go before your throne
I give the praise to You alone
I lift my hands and give you worship
For you are God alone
Let your glory fill this place
Show your hand of mercy
I can’t speak right until you come Lord
Let your presence fall on me
Here I am
Accept my words
Accept my praise
I’m broken, I’m thirsty
Let your blood flow through my veins
I gotta have more, I gotta have more
A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men. The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him. Casting lots causes contentions to cease, and keeps the mighty apart. A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. --Proverbs 18:16-19
Friday, May 8, 2009
Under Construction
Wow, what a beautiful morning. And it’s Friday!!! My morning started off in normal form. Talking to my sister and cracking up laughing. Sometimes I laugh so hard when talking to her that my colleagues have to tell me to shut up. Then I start laughing even harder. Most can’t believe that I be talking to my sister. I guess they think I be talking to someone else. Don’t know. But EVERY morning is the same routine. Since birth my sister has cracked me up. The funny thing is that she doesn’t be trying to make me laugh. It’s how she says things that put me in stitches. And to be quite honest, it’s when she’s pissed off and venting that makes me laugh the most. And most mornings she has a lot on her mind and need to vent--lol.
My sister, I know she doesn’t mind me saying this, but my sister has just fully turned to God. And when I tell you it’s nothing short of a miracle, you got to believe me. Whew…talk about prayers being answered. For the last six months or so, she’s been really seeking God. Cause she’s had a very shaky life. Yeah. She’s one of those who will burn down your house—lol. And although she too (all my family) was raised in the church, she was probably the one who strayed first. She didn’t like church. And made no apologies for it. I can’t begin to tell you how many men and their mommas she done cussed out. And how many women she done punched in the face--in her adult years—lol. But that’s her. I mean, the “old” her. God is good.
Ok, so a couple of days ago she called me to pray cause she and her business partner are trying to buy a beach in Africa. When she told me this I was caught off guard. I was like……huh????? All I could do was laugh. She has no limits. Then she called and told me that she’d decided that her daughter (my ten year old niece) would have to watch ROOTS (she’s studying Civil Rights) at my house cause she ain’t got time to answer questions that will piss her off again like she was back in the 70s. She said she’s still trying to get right with God and ain’t fully there yet. I was cracking up.
And so this morning she called and asked was I going to the Woman’s Conference tomorrow at church. I’m still unsure cause I finally got my Saturdays back and quite frankly I can think of a 101 things I can be doing tomorrow, even though I want to support the church’s activities. So while we were on the phone we both logged onto the church’s website to see what time the conference began. Then we both must’ve been reading the conference’s theme title silently and had the same thing floating through our mind. All of a sudden my sister says, hmmmmm..... Embracing the Whole Me. Then she said, naaaw I won’t be going. And then I asked her why. And she says……cause Jill why would I want to embrace me???? I don’t even like me. I’m trying to be delivered from me and my ways. Then she said...as a matter of fact, I’m under construction until further notice. I was almost falling out of my chair cause I was laughing so hard. Not necessarily of what she said…..but how she was saying it.
After I hung up…..I started thinking about not just the conference but this whole self-building thing we’ve plateaued on in the church. You know how I feel about the motivational types of messages in the church. And it hasn’t changed. I still don’t know what the purpose is. I mean, I can go to a real estate sales meeting or a business conference and get motivated. When I talk to my girlfriends I get motivated. Shucks I talked to a stranger on the train this morning and got motivated to take up another hobby. But when I go to church I want to shed from all that. I want to release from me and my wants and needs, and just worship God. Is it just me???
I was just telling [my friend] that I know we’re called to do a work for the Lord, but sometimes I feel like I just want to ride this life out with just worshipping God. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to minister to folk through gifts and talents cause its such a thin line between God’s calling and us calling ourselves. I know what the Lord called me to do. But I battle because I know me and how I can run with the ball. Everything I'm tasked to do I put all of me into it. But again, there's a thin line and sometimes I got to check myself--lol. It’s daily submission. So lots of times I find myself stuck on stop. I be like….. Lord ain’t it enough that I LUUUVS me some You---lol. Why do I have to do work? Can’t You use somebody else. [My friend] told me that I was being selfish---lol. But he knows I just be joking.
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a colleague who is also sold out for Christ. Her husband is a pastor and she is a minister. And she walks the talk. I have a really keen discerning Spirit. So I can spot a fake. But my colleague is real. And the Holy Spirit is quite evident in her life. She’s such a BEAUTIFUL person inside and out. She has a glow. Cause she doesn’t shine her light, she let’s the light shine. And I luuuv being around her.
So we were having lunch and she started telling me that from the age of 20 up until she was 35 she was into worshipping her inner self. Just going real deep inside her and pulling out all the things that she was drawn to and just connecting with the deepest parts of her. And one of the things she found was that she really loved crystals. When she said it I was lost and confused, and had to get some clarity---lol. She said ornaments and beads of crystals. And so she started wearing crystals and hanging them from her car’s rearview mirror. She said that she loved crystals---the way they sounded and looked. They were totally HER cause she connected with them. And so it got to the point where she innocently started worshipping……crystals.
Then one day she had gone to a girlfriend’s house. She said she’d started wearing dashikis and had let her hair grow out naturally, and was eating all natural foods. And was really into her crystals. Just really in tuned to herself. Just raw. And so she said she walked in the door and her girlfriend’s mother looked at her and immediately pulled her to the side and said……enough is enough. You need Jesus…..bottomline. To make a long story short, and I mean short cause her testimony about meeting her husband will blow your mind---its that deep. But to make a long story short she ended up just letting go of herself and gave her life to God. She said that when she let go of herself it was the most liberating feeling she had ever felt. And as soon as she let go and trusted God with her TOTAL being……He was able to use her. As a result, her life’s dreams fell in place including having her FIRST child at 43 years old. And got pregnant three more times after that.
You know……I really feel sorry for the Body of Christ. Cause it’s really a thin line between what Christ wants and what we think He wants. I totally understand the whole concept of trying to cope and maintain in such a volatile society. Daily, the enemy is trying to destroy us. And daily we are trying to become stronger to maintain in these times. One good wind and our house can be blown down. Everything we’ve built and accomplished.
And I don’t even have to talk about the dilemma of black women. The white man, the white woman, AND the black man all try to chip a piece of us every single day. Even in the most innocent situations. If that’s not enough…..we try to destroy each other with our nasty attitudes. The enemy comes to destroy. And so everybody is guarded with the strength we’re learning to build and hold on to---self. It’s gotten so bad that we don’t know whether we’re coming or going. But I believe in a God who knows this. And He knows what we’re up against. And so He tells us to cast ALL of our cares on Him. So why can’t we do that? Why do we have to continue to convince ourselves to accept ourselves??? I mean, isn’t God enough???? Isn’t the God in us enough???? The all-knowing, sufficient, and complete God. It just takes me back to my question in another entry…..do we even really believe that there is a God? Cause if we did then we wouldn’t be trying to embrace ourselves. My sister said it best. She said she’ll be embracing God tomorrow---lol. I cracked up laughing cause I knew she’s finally getting it.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. –2 Timothy 3:1-5
My sister, I know she doesn’t mind me saying this, but my sister has just fully turned to God. And when I tell you it’s nothing short of a miracle, you got to believe me. Whew…talk about prayers being answered. For the last six months or so, she’s been really seeking God. Cause she’s had a very shaky life. Yeah. She’s one of those who will burn down your house—lol. And although she too (all my family) was raised in the church, she was probably the one who strayed first. She didn’t like church. And made no apologies for it. I can’t begin to tell you how many men and their mommas she done cussed out. And how many women she done punched in the face--in her adult years—lol. But that’s her. I mean, the “old” her. God is good.
Ok, so a couple of days ago she called me to pray cause she and her business partner are trying to buy a beach in Africa. When she told me this I was caught off guard. I was like……huh????? All I could do was laugh. She has no limits. Then she called and told me that she’d decided that her daughter (my ten year old niece) would have to watch ROOTS (she’s studying Civil Rights) at my house cause she ain’t got time to answer questions that will piss her off again like she was back in the 70s. She said she’s still trying to get right with God and ain’t fully there yet. I was cracking up.
And so this morning she called and asked was I going to the Woman’s Conference tomorrow at church. I’m still unsure cause I finally got my Saturdays back and quite frankly I can think of a 101 things I can be doing tomorrow, even though I want to support the church’s activities. So while we were on the phone we both logged onto the church’s website to see what time the conference began. Then we both must’ve been reading the conference’s theme title silently and had the same thing floating through our mind. All of a sudden my sister says, hmmmmm..... Embracing the Whole Me. Then she said, naaaw I won’t be going. And then I asked her why. And she says……cause Jill why would I want to embrace me???? I don’t even like me. I’m trying to be delivered from me and my ways. Then she said...as a matter of fact, I’m under construction until further notice. I was almost falling out of my chair cause I was laughing so hard. Not necessarily of what she said…..but how she was saying it.
After I hung up…..I started thinking about not just the conference but this whole self-building thing we’ve plateaued on in the church. You know how I feel about the motivational types of messages in the church. And it hasn’t changed. I still don’t know what the purpose is. I mean, I can go to a real estate sales meeting or a business conference and get motivated. When I talk to my girlfriends I get motivated. Shucks I talked to a stranger on the train this morning and got motivated to take up another hobby. But when I go to church I want to shed from all that. I want to release from me and my wants and needs, and just worship God. Is it just me???
I was just telling [my friend] that I know we’re called to do a work for the Lord, but sometimes I feel like I just want to ride this life out with just worshipping God. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to minister to folk through gifts and talents cause its such a thin line between God’s calling and us calling ourselves. I know what the Lord called me to do. But I battle because I know me and how I can run with the ball. Everything I'm tasked to do I put all of me into it. But again, there's a thin line and sometimes I got to check myself--lol. It’s daily submission. So lots of times I find myself stuck on stop. I be like….. Lord ain’t it enough that I LUUUVS me some You---lol. Why do I have to do work? Can’t You use somebody else. [My friend] told me that I was being selfish---lol. But he knows I just be joking.
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a colleague who is also sold out for Christ. Her husband is a pastor and she is a minister. And she walks the talk. I have a really keen discerning Spirit. So I can spot a fake. But my colleague is real. And the Holy Spirit is quite evident in her life. She’s such a BEAUTIFUL person inside and out. She has a glow. Cause she doesn’t shine her light, she let’s the light shine. And I luuuv being around her.
So we were having lunch and she started telling me that from the age of 20 up until she was 35 she was into worshipping her inner self. Just going real deep inside her and pulling out all the things that she was drawn to and just connecting with the deepest parts of her. And one of the things she found was that she really loved crystals. When she said it I was lost and confused, and had to get some clarity---lol. She said ornaments and beads of crystals. And so she started wearing crystals and hanging them from her car’s rearview mirror. She said that she loved crystals---the way they sounded and looked. They were totally HER cause she connected with them. And so it got to the point where she innocently started worshipping……crystals.
Then one day she had gone to a girlfriend’s house. She said she’d started wearing dashikis and had let her hair grow out naturally, and was eating all natural foods. And was really into her crystals. Just really in tuned to herself. Just raw. And so she said she walked in the door and her girlfriend’s mother looked at her and immediately pulled her to the side and said……enough is enough. You need Jesus…..bottomline. To make a long story short, and I mean short cause her testimony about meeting her husband will blow your mind---its that deep. But to make a long story short she ended up just letting go of herself and gave her life to God. She said that when she let go of herself it was the most liberating feeling she had ever felt. And as soon as she let go and trusted God with her TOTAL being……He was able to use her. As a result, her life’s dreams fell in place including having her FIRST child at 43 years old. And got pregnant three more times after that.
You know……I really feel sorry for the Body of Christ. Cause it’s really a thin line between what Christ wants and what we think He wants. I totally understand the whole concept of trying to cope and maintain in such a volatile society. Daily, the enemy is trying to destroy us. And daily we are trying to become stronger to maintain in these times. One good wind and our house can be blown down. Everything we’ve built and accomplished.
And I don’t even have to talk about the dilemma of black women. The white man, the white woman, AND the black man all try to chip a piece of us every single day. Even in the most innocent situations. If that’s not enough…..we try to destroy each other with our nasty attitudes. The enemy comes to destroy. And so everybody is guarded with the strength we’re learning to build and hold on to---self. It’s gotten so bad that we don’t know whether we’re coming or going. But I believe in a God who knows this. And He knows what we’re up against. And so He tells us to cast ALL of our cares on Him. So why can’t we do that? Why do we have to continue to convince ourselves to accept ourselves??? I mean, isn’t God enough???? Isn’t the God in us enough???? The all-knowing, sufficient, and complete God. It just takes me back to my question in another entry…..do we even really believe that there is a God? Cause if we did then we wouldn’t be trying to embrace ourselves. My sister said it best. She said she’ll be embracing God tomorrow---lol. I cracked up laughing cause I knew she’s finally getting it.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. –2 Timothy 3:1-5
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
All in a Day's Work
I just need to take a moment and slow the heck down. This week has been crazy. And it’s only Wednesday. So before I get into the groove of my day I just need to release.
Wow. What happened???? I mean, I’m always on the grind in the office. There’s so much that needs to be done, and can be done once the needs are met. But this week started a little different. Cause not only do I have my daily work in which I was hired and being paid to do---lol (I promise I ain't mis-using government time--lol), but also a side project in which I know the Lord has commissioned me to do. On top of that, I’ve promised a few folk that I’d help with various side projects that if not set with some ground rules can turn out real ugly. Ugh.
Then there’s real estate. I need to sell a house or two in the next few months. Cause I need the money. Would love to pay off two credit cards. I’m trying to be completely debt free by the time I turn 40, and I got less than a year to do it. So I’ve been positioning myself to get on the real estate grind which is taking some work. Being a Realtor can be high-maintenance. Lots of rules and regulations to follow ALWAYS, not to mention the work-at-hand. So it’s a very conscious effort. Ugh.
But then this week I got pulled into a project that is pulling at my passion. Yes, yes…..it’s a public relations project. And it has the potential of becoming really, really major. I luuuv public relations and every aspect of it. You know that. And this project is securely positioned in the entertainment industry---film & television. It’s actually doing publicity for an up-and-coming actor. It happened so fast. I received a phone call days ago asking me to prepare a press release and somehow it turned into me joining his team. Am I really ready for this???? And more importantly, did God approve????
Yesterday, arrangements were made for me to speak with the actor on the phone. And so we spoke for a quick ten minutes or so. He was calling from New York. A very nice and humble person. And I guess I’m cocky enough to say that…….dude needs me—lol. I made it clear to say that “you all must be blessed because if you crossed my path and I gave you my ear…….yeah the Lord is looking out for you.” I got a chuckle in return—lol. As soon as I hung up with him my mind went into overdrive thinking of all kinds of angles, building onto his brand, publicity ideas, and more. It got so bad that I went to bed thinking about it. And that’s a no-no for me.
At about 4am-ish this morning the Lord woke me up out of my sleep and gave me a scripture---Ephesians 4:11. Don’t know why. But I turned on my light and grabbed my Bible off the nightstand and read. Still didn’t know why and was too tired to wait for the revelation. So I went back to sleep.
This morning when I got up, I had the public relations project still on my mind. And oddly, I felt soooo distance from the Lord. It’s a weird feeling. Almost like I’m cheating on God. I felt/feel slightly off course. And I don’t like to feel like this.
When I got to the office I logged into Pandora and the first song that came up was Fred Hammond’s, My Heart is For You. I stopped dead in my tracks and just took in the lyrics…….my heart will be for you Lord, always…..my praise will be for you Lord, always…….I can’t make it without you Lord……...
I don’t like being out of the presence of God. I don’t. Tonight is definitely me and HIM time. And nobody and nothing else. Just me and HIM.
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
Wow. What happened???? I mean, I’m always on the grind in the office. There’s so much that needs to be done, and can be done once the needs are met. But this week started a little different. Cause not only do I have my daily work in which I was hired and being paid to do---lol (I promise I ain't mis-using government time--lol), but also a side project in which I know the Lord has commissioned me to do. On top of that, I’ve promised a few folk that I’d help with various side projects that if not set with some ground rules can turn out real ugly. Ugh.
Then there’s real estate. I need to sell a house or two in the next few months. Cause I need the money. Would love to pay off two credit cards. I’m trying to be completely debt free by the time I turn 40, and I got less than a year to do it. So I’ve been positioning myself to get on the real estate grind which is taking some work. Being a Realtor can be high-maintenance. Lots of rules and regulations to follow ALWAYS, not to mention the work-at-hand. So it’s a very conscious effort. Ugh.
But then this week I got pulled into a project that is pulling at my passion. Yes, yes…..it’s a public relations project. And it has the potential of becoming really, really major. I luuuv public relations and every aspect of it. You know that. And this project is securely positioned in the entertainment industry---film & television. It’s actually doing publicity for an up-and-coming actor. It happened so fast. I received a phone call days ago asking me to prepare a press release and somehow it turned into me joining his team. Am I really ready for this???? And more importantly, did God approve????
Yesterday, arrangements were made for me to speak with the actor on the phone. And so we spoke for a quick ten minutes or so. He was calling from New York. A very nice and humble person. And I guess I’m cocky enough to say that…….dude needs me—lol. I made it clear to say that “you all must be blessed because if you crossed my path and I gave you my ear…….yeah the Lord is looking out for you.” I got a chuckle in return—lol. As soon as I hung up with him my mind went into overdrive thinking of all kinds of angles, building onto his brand, publicity ideas, and more. It got so bad that I went to bed thinking about it. And that’s a no-no for me.
At about 4am-ish this morning the Lord woke me up out of my sleep and gave me a scripture---Ephesians 4:11. Don’t know why. But I turned on my light and grabbed my Bible off the nightstand and read. Still didn’t know why and was too tired to wait for the revelation. So I went back to sleep.
This morning when I got up, I had the public relations project still on my mind. And oddly, I felt soooo distance from the Lord. It’s a weird feeling. Almost like I’m cheating on God. I felt/feel slightly off course. And I don’t like to feel like this.
When I got to the office I logged into Pandora and the first song that came up was Fred Hammond’s, My Heart is For You. I stopped dead in my tracks and just took in the lyrics…….my heart will be for you Lord, always…..my praise will be for you Lord, always…….I can’t make it without you Lord……...
I don’t like being out of the presence of God. I don’t. Tonight is definitely me and HIM time. And nobody and nothing else. Just me and HIM.
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A Street Named Job
Boy oh boy! This journey is becoming deeper and deeper. And more adventurous. And I’m loving every minute of it. I received a prophecy last month from a lady who described my journey to a tee. She actually told me that she saw in the Spirit that I was on a road. This lady knows NOTHING about me. We were both in Strike Force together. But she said she saw this road that I was traveling on. And I was soooo joyful. She said that God is pleased with me and loves me very much. And that I am on the right road. It might sound generic, but its not. See, I had ALREADY saw the EXACT road about a year ago that she described.
A week after she gave me the prophecy, she came up to me running saying…… “Jill, this is the road. This is the road I saw in the Spirit!!!” It was a picture of a road curving through a mountain that is on our textbook entitled, “Understanding Prophetic Directions.” Yep, that’s the road. it’s the SAME road I took going to New York last year that I described in my very first entry entitled, My New New York. It’s a road going through a mountain.
You know what’s funny, I know the day, ok the month, in which I decided to get on this journey and just walk. Yep, September 2007. I mean, I’d like to believe that I was on a journey all my life, but it wasn’t necessarily the journey in which God wanted me to be on. So I accept that in September 2007 I came to a crossroad, and I just chose to follow God wholeheartedly….mind, body, and soul.
Let me tell you, the road hasn’t been easy. Many curves and speed bumps. Yea, there are some blessings I was rushing to get and the Lord had to slow a sistah down--lol. But it hasn’t been easy, but its sooo worth it. I can’t even imagine my life on any other path or in any other way. I LOVE GOD.
Ok, so I went to church this morning and it was mind blowing. Praise and worship was simple, but off the chain as usual. It’s something about the anointing. Umph. But so many messages was wrapped up one service. At times I couldn’t do nothing but stare in the Spirit. Yeah, it sounds weird--lol. But I was blown away at what the Lord was saying to me.
One thing that gave me clarity and understanding was when the pastor (I guess I can say my pastor, but I haven‘t officially joined yet----lol), but the pastor touched on Job. Not a lot, but enough to take me there. You know the story…..Job suffered, but got double for his trouble. But the Lord revealed to me something so profound. It’s that when one decides to take God’s journey, he/she MUST go down Job Street. MUST.
I heard something years ago in undergrad that was enlightening. Actually my ex told me this. Very smart and bright guy. But he told me that the class Physics sifts out the fake wanna-be doctors to get to the real ones. Its funny that Physics is required before you even get to college, probably so that you don’t waste real doctors-in-the-making and professors time. When you have truly gone through the sifting process the “I’m a doctor” arrogance is no longer relevant. Cause your focus is on the duty at hand. And when you’re focused……..shallowness is irrelevant. Cause you’re breaking. I understand totally. Cause I couldn’t get through Chemistry in high school, barely made it through Biology, and I couldn’t stay awake in Earth Science --lol. And while I’m being open and honest, I nearly failed College Algebra in undergrad. If I’ve EVER bragged to be a scientist or a mathematician in my life you can better believe that when I took those classes, passing by the skin of my teeth I was singing a different tune. Trust when I tell you---lol.
You know what…..thinking about walking down Job Street it is…..well I really can’t say. Its just that it is what it is---lol. You know we have been programmed to acquire and accomplish. That’s the world’s view. That’s our society’s norm. Survival of the fittest. We’ve been programmed to build ourselves to maintain in this society. We ride hard off of accomplishments---I’d be the first to admit that. But the truth of the matter……….in order to truly walk with God……we must be broken and departed from what we have accomplished on self motives. Even in the most innocent cases, we still have to be far removed. Period.
This week I was forwarded a weblink of the…..I guess the new “it” girl on the church scene. She’s a “prophetess” and is rumored to be engaged to a well-known pastor. And so when I clicked on the link I was immediately swept into [her] world. She had loud music playing with lyrics that shouted……. “This is who I am” and her full body shot from head to toe covered a great portion of the page. She had photo shoots of herself that screamed all over the page. And then there was a section of her bio that expounded on her accomplishments. If I’s just happened to stumble across the site I wouldn’t have known she represented Christ. It was that self-branded. But I did manage to click on a link to one of her sermons and I’ve got to say that she talks a good word. And I’d like to believe that the Lord really did call her. Although integrity does subtly speak, her self-promoting image is blinding.
So I’m not even referring to the countless “church-goers”. I’m referring to those of us who have been through Christianity 101. The basics. The fundamentals of Christ. It’s a lot of us who truly loves God, talks a good talk, and is walking, but still haven’t been down Job Street. See, Job TRULY loved and worshipped God. And even though he walked and talked the right thing, he was STILL tested. He STILL had to go through Physics. He couldn’t fathom it. Everything that he had accomplished he lost. But he trusted God. And he proved that what he had acquired was no way in comparison to his relationship with God. Was it easy…..NOPE. But the Lord brought him through.
I firmly believe that I’m walking down Job Street. Actually it feels more like Job Turnpike---lol. Is it just me, but isn’t the distance between the exits on the NJ Turnpike extra, extra, extra wider than all the other interstates and highways. LOL. Maybe its just me. Maybe I just be in a rush to get to the next state---lol. But it’s a road in this journey that I know I must go down. Everyone must go down. That’s if you are a Christian. Not a form of Godliness, but a CHRISTIAN. And you’ll know when you’ve been down it. Or are going down it. “Me” is no longer about me. And what God is doing, is no longer about me. See, there’s no room in my life for God’s blessings if all of “my blessings” have dominated. Whew….talk about a sifting process. But I LUUUUV the Lord and I’m coming to realize more and more that what I have acquired and accomplished is so disposable when it comes to my relationship with Him.
You know…..I don’t talk much about really, really personal situations that I deal with on a daily only because some things are just between me and God. And the person, if someone else is involved. But over the last few months I’ve been dealing with a very personal issue. Its an “issue” in which plays a huge part in who I have become. The issue (a good one) began when I started my journey back in 2007. And so the issue has actually been company to me as I travel on this journey. I’d like to think that the “issue” was not a crutch, but perhaps it has been. Perhaps I’d become co-dependent.
But just recently the issue has turned. Its funny because during the time I was given the prophecy that I mentioned above, was during the time I was really feeling like I was/am on Job Street. The lady that gave me the prophecy said that my road was turning towards the right. She said she saw a curve. That was during the same time I was merging from the issue.
Well, the curve was obviously onto Job Street because now………well now I’m in the process of proving to God that I am HIS. I loved God before the issue and I love Him after. Even more now. Can’t say that it is easy cause some days I feel like a waterfall. But even still I have joy. And its amazing. My girlfriends can’t even understand the joy that I have and why I can continue to smile when I should be destroyed. But I trust God with my WHOLE HEART. And I know that He just wants to prove to satan that my love and devotion for Him is pure. That can only be determined if I’m really willing to stay on the journey and proceeding onto every street, road, lane, drive, avenue, highway, interstate, and turnpike. And I am. Truly, I am.
Why do I take my flesh in my teeth, and put my life in my hands? Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He also shall be my salvation, for a hypocrite could not come before Him. --Job 136:14-16
A week after she gave me the prophecy, she came up to me running saying…… “Jill, this is the road. This is the road I saw in the Spirit!!!” It was a picture of a road curving through a mountain that is on our textbook entitled, “Understanding Prophetic Directions.” Yep, that’s the road. it’s the SAME road I took going to New York last year that I described in my very first entry entitled, My New New York. It’s a road going through a mountain.
You know what’s funny, I know the day, ok the month, in which I decided to get on this journey and just walk. Yep, September 2007. I mean, I’d like to believe that I was on a journey all my life, but it wasn’t necessarily the journey in which God wanted me to be on. So I accept that in September 2007 I came to a crossroad, and I just chose to follow God wholeheartedly….mind, body, and soul.
Let me tell you, the road hasn’t been easy. Many curves and speed bumps. Yea, there are some blessings I was rushing to get and the Lord had to slow a sistah down--lol. But it hasn’t been easy, but its sooo worth it. I can’t even imagine my life on any other path or in any other way. I LOVE GOD.
Ok, so I went to church this morning and it was mind blowing. Praise and worship was simple, but off the chain as usual. It’s something about the anointing. Umph. But so many messages was wrapped up one service. At times I couldn’t do nothing but stare in the Spirit. Yeah, it sounds weird--lol. But I was blown away at what the Lord was saying to me.
One thing that gave me clarity and understanding was when the pastor (I guess I can say my pastor, but I haven‘t officially joined yet----lol), but the pastor touched on Job. Not a lot, but enough to take me there. You know the story…..Job suffered, but got double for his trouble. But the Lord revealed to me something so profound. It’s that when one decides to take God’s journey, he/she MUST go down Job Street. MUST.
I heard something years ago in undergrad that was enlightening. Actually my ex told me this. Very smart and bright guy. But he told me that the class Physics sifts out the fake wanna-be doctors to get to the real ones. Its funny that Physics is required before you even get to college, probably so that you don’t waste real doctors-in-the-making and professors time. When you have truly gone through the sifting process the “I’m a doctor” arrogance is no longer relevant. Cause your focus is on the duty at hand. And when you’re focused……..shallowness is irrelevant. Cause you’re breaking. I understand totally. Cause I couldn’t get through Chemistry in high school, barely made it through Biology, and I couldn’t stay awake in Earth Science --lol. And while I’m being open and honest, I nearly failed College Algebra in undergrad. If I’ve EVER bragged to be a scientist or a mathematician in my life you can better believe that when I took those classes, passing by the skin of my teeth I was singing a different tune. Trust when I tell you---lol.
You know what…..thinking about walking down Job Street it is…..well I really can’t say. Its just that it is what it is---lol. You know we have been programmed to acquire and accomplish. That’s the world’s view. That’s our society’s norm. Survival of the fittest. We’ve been programmed to build ourselves to maintain in this society. We ride hard off of accomplishments---I’d be the first to admit that. But the truth of the matter……….in order to truly walk with God……we must be broken and departed from what we have accomplished on self motives. Even in the most innocent cases, we still have to be far removed. Period.
This week I was forwarded a weblink of the…..I guess the new “it” girl on the church scene. She’s a “prophetess” and is rumored to be engaged to a well-known pastor. And so when I clicked on the link I was immediately swept into [her] world. She had loud music playing with lyrics that shouted……. “This is who I am” and her full body shot from head to toe covered a great portion of the page. She had photo shoots of herself that screamed all over the page. And then there was a section of her bio that expounded on her accomplishments. If I’s just happened to stumble across the site I wouldn’t have known she represented Christ. It was that self-branded. But I did manage to click on a link to one of her sermons and I’ve got to say that she talks a good word. And I’d like to believe that the Lord really did call her. Although integrity does subtly speak, her self-promoting image is blinding.
So I’m not even referring to the countless “church-goers”. I’m referring to those of us who have been through Christianity 101. The basics. The fundamentals of Christ. It’s a lot of us who truly loves God, talks a good talk, and is walking, but still haven’t been down Job Street. See, Job TRULY loved and worshipped God. And even though he walked and talked the right thing, he was STILL tested. He STILL had to go through Physics. He couldn’t fathom it. Everything that he had accomplished he lost. But he trusted God. And he proved that what he had acquired was no way in comparison to his relationship with God. Was it easy…..NOPE. But the Lord brought him through.
I firmly believe that I’m walking down Job Street. Actually it feels more like Job Turnpike---lol. Is it just me, but isn’t the distance between the exits on the NJ Turnpike extra, extra, extra wider than all the other interstates and highways. LOL. Maybe its just me. Maybe I just be in a rush to get to the next state---lol. But it’s a road in this journey that I know I must go down. Everyone must go down. That’s if you are a Christian. Not a form of Godliness, but a CHRISTIAN. And you’ll know when you’ve been down it. Or are going down it. “Me” is no longer about me. And what God is doing, is no longer about me. See, there’s no room in my life for God’s blessings if all of “my blessings” have dominated. Whew….talk about a sifting process. But I LUUUUV the Lord and I’m coming to realize more and more that what I have acquired and accomplished is so disposable when it comes to my relationship with Him.
You know…..I don’t talk much about really, really personal situations that I deal with on a daily only because some things are just between me and God. And the person, if someone else is involved. But over the last few months I’ve been dealing with a very personal issue. Its an “issue” in which plays a huge part in who I have become. The issue (a good one) began when I started my journey back in 2007. And so the issue has actually been company to me as I travel on this journey. I’d like to think that the “issue” was not a crutch, but perhaps it has been. Perhaps I’d become co-dependent.
But just recently the issue has turned. Its funny because during the time I was given the prophecy that I mentioned above, was during the time I was really feeling like I was/am on Job Street. The lady that gave me the prophecy said that my road was turning towards the right. She said she saw a curve. That was during the same time I was merging from the issue.
Well, the curve was obviously onto Job Street because now………well now I’m in the process of proving to God that I am HIS. I loved God before the issue and I love Him after. Even more now. Can’t say that it is easy cause some days I feel like a waterfall. But even still I have joy. And its amazing. My girlfriends can’t even understand the joy that I have and why I can continue to smile when I should be destroyed. But I trust God with my WHOLE HEART. And I know that He just wants to prove to satan that my love and devotion for Him is pure. That can only be determined if I’m really willing to stay on the journey and proceeding onto every street, road, lane, drive, avenue, highway, interstate, and turnpike. And I am. Truly, I am.
Why do I take my flesh in my teeth, and put my life in my hands? Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He also shall be my salvation, for a hypocrite could not come before Him. --Job 136:14-16
Journey Merging onto Memory Lane
Wow!!! What a wonderful, relaxing day. I almost forgot what Saturdays felt like. Just like I’ve been doing the last few months, I jumped out the bed at 8am-ish and started taking care of stuff. Oddly, I cleaned my entire balcony---yes at 8am-ish in the rain. Then I came in and put a pot of black-eyed peas on. Then I was like the heck with this…..its MY day. So I got back in the bed, watched television, took a nap or two or three, and enjoyed my day.
This past week so much has happened. In my last entry entitled, You Go Ruth!, I made mention about moving forward. And not allowing people, even the closest to you, to keep you from fulfilling destiny. And that’s certainly where I am now. But something strange happened as soon as I decided to release a friend who is headed in the opposite direction from me. A girlfriend from my childhood found me. Yes, on Facebook--lol.
Its funny because this particular girlfriend is one of four of us girlfriends who met in the first grade. We’d been friends up until middle school, but because our families moved out of the neighborhood we lost touch. The truth is…..we all started going down different paths. Ironically, since we officially parted back in the early 1980’s we’ve consistently come together every ten years.
In 1990, we came together when this particular girlfriend had her first baby. We all re-connected and met up at the hospital. And in 2000, another of us was having a baby and we all met up at the baby shower. Because we have different lifestyles, me always trying to accomplish the impossible---lol, we enjoy milestone events together, but then we go our separate ways.
Right after the 2000 event, me and this particular girlfriend tried to stay connected, but because of the different paths we were on it was nearly impossible to do so. She is a mom and was very much into the “raising teenagers” part of her life then. At the same time she was trying to play the hand she was dealt and I couldn’t relate. I was single and childless, trying to complete my degree, figure out what God wanted with me, and so on. So we kinda clashed. But always accepting the love for each other. And the history we share.
So when she contacted me this week, I was pleasantly surprised. Not knowing how we each fit into each others lives, but not being able to ignore the bond that we (the four of us) share. So we talked. And we talked for hours. But this time something is different. See, my girlfriend gave her life to the Lord last year and her talk is much different. She’s speaking a different language. The fruits are bearing. And I like it. I really like it.
I always say that history, as big as we make it seem, plays a very small part when looking at the big picture. But when history meets destiny……….maaan, it’s a powerful thing.
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. --Proverbs 12:26
This past week so much has happened. In my last entry entitled, You Go Ruth!, I made mention about moving forward. And not allowing people, even the closest to you, to keep you from fulfilling destiny. And that’s certainly where I am now. But something strange happened as soon as I decided to release a friend who is headed in the opposite direction from me. A girlfriend from my childhood found me. Yes, on Facebook--lol.
Its funny because this particular girlfriend is one of four of us girlfriends who met in the first grade. We’d been friends up until middle school, but because our families moved out of the neighborhood we lost touch. The truth is…..we all started going down different paths. Ironically, since we officially parted back in the early 1980’s we’ve consistently come together every ten years.
In 1990, we came together when this particular girlfriend had her first baby. We all re-connected and met up at the hospital. And in 2000, another of us was having a baby and we all met up at the baby shower. Because we have different lifestyles, me always trying to accomplish the impossible---lol, we enjoy milestone events together, but then we go our separate ways.
Right after the 2000 event, me and this particular girlfriend tried to stay connected, but because of the different paths we were on it was nearly impossible to do so. She is a mom and was very much into the “raising teenagers” part of her life then. At the same time she was trying to play the hand she was dealt and I couldn’t relate. I was single and childless, trying to complete my degree, figure out what God wanted with me, and so on. So we kinda clashed. But always accepting the love for each other. And the history we share.
So when she contacted me this week, I was pleasantly surprised. Not knowing how we each fit into each others lives, but not being able to ignore the bond that we (the four of us) share. So we talked. And we talked for hours. But this time something is different. See, my girlfriend gave her life to the Lord last year and her talk is much different. She’s speaking a different language. The fruits are bearing. And I like it. I really like it.
I always say that history, as big as we make it seem, plays a very small part when looking at the big picture. But when history meets destiny……….maaan, it’s a powerful thing.
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. --Proverbs 12:26
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
You Go Ruth!!
Wow, something just happened and I feel so free. Actually it happened in the middle of the night, last night. I had just gotten off the phone and a burden was released that I had NO IDEA I was carrying. If you’d told me last week that I would be speaking with this person last night, I would’ve seriously doubt it. But just like all things in my life……God is in control.
You know what’s funny……for the last few months the story of Ruth has been on my mind. And just last night, about an hour before my phone rang, I was watching TBN and the guest pastor recited the story of Ruth. The Holy Spirit is amaaazing.
The story of Ruth fascinated me the first time I read it and I have been stuck on it ever since. Other than the Gospel of John, the Book of Ruth has got to be my favorite. That’s if I had to pick---lol. But I think I’m so fascinated by the story because each time I read it I get a whole new message.
So last night I was listening to the pastor on TBN and he started reciting the story. And I got chills because a message was revealed that I hadn’t really thought about. So often when I read Ruth, I think about the “trusting God for the right person” message or the “mother-daughter relationship” message, but last night I received a totally different message. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect.
So let me give my brief version of the story. Please bear with me if I’m a little incorrect, I promise not to be that much off---lol.
Ok, so there was this wealthy man named Elimelech from Bethlehem. He had a wife named Naomi and two sons. There had become a famine in Bethlehem and so everybody wanted to flee the city. Many interpret Bethlehem as representing the church, but that’s not my message today---lol. Anyway, so Elimelech and his family were hungry and wanted out. So they migrated to a city called Moab. Moab, if I may say, was the hood. Things were pretty bad there. But Elimlech was so hungry I guess he felt he had no other choice but to move his family there. Soon as they arrived in “the hood” Elimilech dies and his two sons marry two Moab princesses named Orpah and Ruth. Not soon after that, both sons die leaving their wives and their mother, Naomi, alone.
After losing her husband and both her sons, Naomi decides it was time to go back home to Bethlehem. Actually, I think word got to her that Bethlehem was getting back on track. (Yes, this really sounds like the church. But still not my message---lol). So Naomi decides to go home, back to Bethlehem, leaving both her daughters-in-law. She didn’t really want them to go with her because---ok, because they were hood chicks; around-the-way girls. And she didn’t want to be embarrassed. Didn’t want to have to explain to her wealthy friends. So she tried to convince them to stay in their land. But as she’s saying goodbye, neither one of them wants to depart from the woman they’d come to accept as their mom. At the same time, they knew nothing about Bethlehem for they were born and raised in Moab. The hood. So they had to make a decision. Umph. This is my message.
Orpah, being so used to the city of chaos---death and dying, decided to stay in Moab. She was so attached to what she knew. No chance for new possibilities and opportunity. But Ruth thought long and heavy. She thought about the woman who she had grown attached to and trusted with her life. Not knowing what awaited her in a foreign land, she just knew that if her momma was headed there it had to be okay.
Long story short, Naomi and Ruth got to their destination, had many struggles as the land was just getting back to normal, but their mother-daughter commitment to one another stayed in tact. Then one day as Ruth was out getting her and her mom their daily meal, she met a very wealthy man, Boaz, a good man. And not only does he wants Ruth, but he accepts Naomi, her momma-in-law. They fall in love, get married, and end up becoming the great-grandparents of King David. Fourteen generations later……Jesus was born. No need to go any further.
Ok, where in the world do I start---lol. Can I just say that Ruth is my girl? RUTH IS MY GIRL!! She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t have to see proof. She walked by faith. She knew that anything had to be better than the pit she was in. And she had already witnessed the God that Naomi spoke about. She was convinced. She got it.
But Ruth replied, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. --Ruth 1:16
What is bubbling in me is the Orpah situation. The relationship Ruth had with Orpah, her sister-in-law. I’d imagine they were close. Both being two princesses from the same town, as well as marrying brothers. They had to have established such a deep bond. But then for both of their husbands to die---yes, they shared more than a bond. But the bond wasn’t strong enough to keep them together. See, Orpah couldn’t see past her situation. But Ruth had a mission. She wasn’t quite sure what it was, she just knew there was more for her. And so she started walking. I imagine she was a little hurt to see Orpah go, but she couldn’t go back. She had to keep going. She had to get out while she could.
What Ruth did.....pretty much happened to me in the middle of the night. After my unexpected phone call. I made the decision to keep walking. I’m not putting chains on folk and I’m not convincing nobody what I feel in my Spirit. If you want to come along I welcome you, if not………nice knowing you, but all we have in common at this point is our past. And the past is pretty dead.
At any other time I’d probably feel a little dismayed, but I feel different today. I finally got it. I understand and see the big picture. And it looks rather nice. Something wonderful is definitely about to happen. Perhaps Boaz got something up his sleeve---lol.
You know what’s funny……for the last few months the story of Ruth has been on my mind. And just last night, about an hour before my phone rang, I was watching TBN and the guest pastor recited the story of Ruth. The Holy Spirit is amaaazing.
The story of Ruth fascinated me the first time I read it and I have been stuck on it ever since. Other than the Gospel of John, the Book of Ruth has got to be my favorite. That’s if I had to pick---lol. But I think I’m so fascinated by the story because each time I read it I get a whole new message.
So last night I was listening to the pastor on TBN and he started reciting the story. And I got chills because a message was revealed that I hadn’t really thought about. So often when I read Ruth, I think about the “trusting God for the right person” message or the “mother-daughter relationship” message, but last night I received a totally different message. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect.
So let me give my brief version of the story. Please bear with me if I’m a little incorrect, I promise not to be that much off---lol.
Ok, so there was this wealthy man named Elimelech from Bethlehem. He had a wife named Naomi and two sons. There had become a famine in Bethlehem and so everybody wanted to flee the city. Many interpret Bethlehem as representing the church, but that’s not my message today---lol. Anyway, so Elimelech and his family were hungry and wanted out. So they migrated to a city called Moab. Moab, if I may say, was the hood. Things were pretty bad there. But Elimlech was so hungry I guess he felt he had no other choice but to move his family there. Soon as they arrived in “the hood” Elimilech dies and his two sons marry two Moab princesses named Orpah and Ruth. Not soon after that, both sons die leaving their wives and their mother, Naomi, alone.
After losing her husband and both her sons, Naomi decides it was time to go back home to Bethlehem. Actually, I think word got to her that Bethlehem was getting back on track. (Yes, this really sounds like the church. But still not my message---lol). So Naomi decides to go home, back to Bethlehem, leaving both her daughters-in-law. She didn’t really want them to go with her because---ok, because they were hood chicks; around-the-way girls. And she didn’t want to be embarrassed. Didn’t want to have to explain to her wealthy friends. So she tried to convince them to stay in their land. But as she’s saying goodbye, neither one of them wants to depart from the woman they’d come to accept as their mom. At the same time, they knew nothing about Bethlehem for they were born and raised in Moab. The hood. So they had to make a decision. Umph. This is my message.
Orpah, being so used to the city of chaos---death and dying, decided to stay in Moab. She was so attached to what she knew. No chance for new possibilities and opportunity. But Ruth thought long and heavy. She thought about the woman who she had grown attached to and trusted with her life. Not knowing what awaited her in a foreign land, she just knew that if her momma was headed there it had to be okay.
Long story short, Naomi and Ruth got to their destination, had many struggles as the land was just getting back to normal, but their mother-daughter commitment to one another stayed in tact. Then one day as Ruth was out getting her and her mom their daily meal, she met a very wealthy man, Boaz, a good man. And not only does he wants Ruth, but he accepts Naomi, her momma-in-law. They fall in love, get married, and end up becoming the great-grandparents of King David. Fourteen generations later……Jesus was born. No need to go any further.
Ok, where in the world do I start---lol. Can I just say that Ruth is my girl? RUTH IS MY GIRL!! She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t have to see proof. She walked by faith. She knew that anything had to be better than the pit she was in. And she had already witnessed the God that Naomi spoke about. She was convinced. She got it.
But Ruth replied, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. --Ruth 1:16
What is bubbling in me is the Orpah situation. The relationship Ruth had with Orpah, her sister-in-law. I’d imagine they were close. Both being two princesses from the same town, as well as marrying brothers. They had to have established such a deep bond. But then for both of their husbands to die---yes, they shared more than a bond. But the bond wasn’t strong enough to keep them together. See, Orpah couldn’t see past her situation. But Ruth had a mission. She wasn’t quite sure what it was, she just knew there was more for her. And so she started walking. I imagine she was a little hurt to see Orpah go, but she couldn’t go back. She had to keep going. She had to get out while she could.
What Ruth did.....pretty much happened to me in the middle of the night. After my unexpected phone call. I made the decision to keep walking. I’m not putting chains on folk and I’m not convincing nobody what I feel in my Spirit. If you want to come along I welcome you, if not………nice knowing you, but all we have in common at this point is our past. And the past is pretty dead.
At any other time I’d probably feel a little dismayed, but I feel different today. I finally got it. I understand and see the big picture. And it looks rather nice. Something wonderful is definitely about to happen. Perhaps Boaz got something up his sleeve---lol.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
No Limits
No limits, no boundaries, I see increase, all around me, stretch forth, break forth, release me, enlarge my territory…….take the limits off, take the limits off, release me, release me……say what you heard so you can see what you said……take the limits off, take the limits off, take the limits off…….enlarge my territory……….enlarge my territory.
Those are the lyrics of Israel and New Breed’s song, No Limits, I was listening to while doing the dishes tonight. I was just chilling---jamming to Pandora and getting myself ready for the work week when the song came on. The lyrics just took me to another place and before I knew it I nearly collapsed in tears. I had to sit down. Can I just say that I love God. I LOVE GOD!! I can’t say it enough. Whew. So much is happening in my life. Never in a million years would I think my relationship with Christ could be like this. In fact, I thought I was fine “just believing” and perhaps going to church a Sunday or two a month.
You know its good when you’re taken out your comfort zone and wholeheartedly welcome the challenge. And you know its good when you don’t know what the heck will happen tomorrow you just firmly believe that it’s gonna be awesome cause God’s in control. And you know its good when you’re oblivious to the people and things you thought important to you and now you see there’s no comparison. I now know what it means when I hear people say…….I’d rather have Jesus. This place I’m experiencing is trippin me out. Literally--lol. Can’t explain it even when I try. But the thing that helps put it together is being around folk who gets it. I mean, seriously. It's one thing to say you believe in God, but its another when you live what you claim. Cause there's no way you can truly live for God and not want to tell folk about Him.
Whew. So me and a couple of my loved ones graduated from our 12-week Strike Force class yesterday. And my life has totally changed. Strike Force is a class on the prophetic. Many of us walk in the prophetic by having visions or dreams, etc. I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Ok, let me make this clear.......I AM NOT A PROPHET. There's a difference in walking in the prophetic and being called to the office of a prophet. lol. But the class teaches all about the prophetic. What it is, who are called, what different things mean, etc. One of the key components of the class is prayer. If you’re walking in the prophetic you have to be an intercessor. And so we learned how to pray in the Spirit at a moments notice. One of our biggest accomplishments, or at least it was mine--lol, was praying around the clock for 24 hours straight. Yes, straight. No food, no sleeping. Just bathroom breaks and prayer. We stayed at church all night and all day just praying.
But the class has truly taken me to another level. I am more sensitive to the things that are happening in the Spirit realm. I knew this before but I guess I’m just now getting it, but everything that happens in the natural is happening in the spirit. And so while I usually operate my life according to what I see (hear, feel, smell, taste) naturally, I’m now opened up to a whole another “sense”. I’m allowing the Holy Spirit to not only guide my life and to give me comfort, but to allow me to see things with different eyes. The limits are off. I now understand the force and reasoning behind situations and folk. I finally feel like I don’t have to do a thing, don’t have to convince nobody, don’t have to try to make folk understand, don’t have to wonder and worry why situations happen the way they do cause all I have to do is sit back and watch God do His thing. It’s amaaaazing the revelations I’ve gotten over the last few months.
So after the graduation last night, during the reception, a couple of us were sitting around having a conversation and the point was made so clear. If a church is not operating in the five fold ministry (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers) then we’re not being fully fed. And we will continue to feel this emptiness even after we’ve left the church on a “he preached” Sunday morning, as I’ve felt a many Sundays. And as I’ve said in many entries, that for so many years my “Christian life” was limited to just that of being fed by pastors and teachers, and every now and again an evangelist would come through. Or in recent years, the tele-evangelist thing has been so instrumental because we can tune in whenever we want without making our pastors intimidated (ok that’s for another entry--lol).
But what has happened is that we have taken the apostles and the prophetic out of the church. And one cannot operate totally in the will of God without being fed by these. In addition to that, we have also taken out healing and working miracles. We’ve kept in part of it….preaching and teaching, but we’ve kept out the part that would show the full manifestation of Christ. Therefore, when you speak about the Holy Spirit, folk--church folk---would consider it “spooky spiritual” because they haven’t experienced it. They haven’t been properly taught. So what has happened is that the church has found a message that would appease the people and “motivate” them enough to keep them coming back. That’s the “building of self” messages. And as I’ve expressed many times in this blog that when self is built there’s no room for the Holy Spirit to operate. It’s in our weak, pitiful self that the Lord operates. Self is finite, and once its built then what happens????? I mean, why would Christ be needed once we’ve reached "success" or prosperity??????? Umph. A lot of so-called Christians are missing it. Totally missing it.
So as we were talking last night it was mentioned that one of the prophets who taught us in Strike Force fasts for a year at a time. That’s how he is able to prophesy by calling out people’s exact names and street addresses and birthdates---I’ve witnessed this prophet with my own eyes and ears, on top of that I know God can speak through anything and anybody---lol. But we were saying the power of fasting and how when you fast the flesh is subjected therefore, you are really going into the Spirit realm and so you are able to see a whole lot of stuff. And so one of the guys in the conversation jokingly said that he can barely fast from 6a-6p and he’s not sure he wants to go that deep no how. And I jokingly laughed too. We all did. Cause we know its deep. Just experiencing what we’re experiencing on these levels, I can’t even imagine going that deep.
But after hearing that song tonight, I’ve made up in my mind that I don’t want any limits. I asked the Lord in the beginning of the year to take me deeper cause I want more, and the request still stands. Yes, these last 12 weeks have been an experience for me, but I want more of Him. This is just the appetizer. I want to go as far as the Lord wants to take me. I want no limits concerning Him and what He has for me.
So while I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and jamming to the music, I verbally made another vow to the Lord that I will NEVER leave Him. And that I will ALWAYS put Him first in my life. I made that commitment because I’m realizing that I can never be committed to my husband (or anybody else) and want all the benefits and favor of God for us without being committed to God first. I’ve gotta be committed to the Giver, not just the gifts. So again, I say…….LORD, USE ME IN WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT TO USE ME. I’M NOT LIMITING MYSELF AND I’M COMMITTED TO YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY. SO ENLARGE MY TERRITORY AND HAVE YOUR PERFECT WILL IN ME.
Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. --Matthew 4:23-24
Those are the lyrics of Israel and New Breed’s song, No Limits, I was listening to while doing the dishes tonight. I was just chilling---jamming to Pandora and getting myself ready for the work week when the song came on. The lyrics just took me to another place and before I knew it I nearly collapsed in tears. I had to sit down. Can I just say that I love God. I LOVE GOD!! I can’t say it enough. Whew. So much is happening in my life. Never in a million years would I think my relationship with Christ could be like this. In fact, I thought I was fine “just believing” and perhaps going to church a Sunday or two a month.
You know its good when you’re taken out your comfort zone and wholeheartedly welcome the challenge. And you know its good when you don’t know what the heck will happen tomorrow you just firmly believe that it’s gonna be awesome cause God’s in control. And you know its good when you’re oblivious to the people and things you thought important to you and now you see there’s no comparison. I now know what it means when I hear people say…….I’d rather have Jesus. This place I’m experiencing is trippin me out. Literally--lol. Can’t explain it even when I try. But the thing that helps put it together is being around folk who gets it. I mean, seriously. It's one thing to say you believe in God, but its another when you live what you claim. Cause there's no way you can truly live for God and not want to tell folk about Him.
Whew. So me and a couple of my loved ones graduated from our 12-week Strike Force class yesterday. And my life has totally changed. Strike Force is a class on the prophetic. Many of us walk in the prophetic by having visions or dreams, etc. I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Ok, let me make this clear.......I AM NOT A PROPHET. There's a difference in walking in the prophetic and being called to the office of a prophet. lol. But the class teaches all about the prophetic. What it is, who are called, what different things mean, etc. One of the key components of the class is prayer. If you’re walking in the prophetic you have to be an intercessor. And so we learned how to pray in the Spirit at a moments notice. One of our biggest accomplishments, or at least it was mine--lol, was praying around the clock for 24 hours straight. Yes, straight. No food, no sleeping. Just bathroom breaks and prayer. We stayed at church all night and all day just praying.
But the class has truly taken me to another level. I am more sensitive to the things that are happening in the Spirit realm. I knew this before but I guess I’m just now getting it, but everything that happens in the natural is happening in the spirit. And so while I usually operate my life according to what I see (hear, feel, smell, taste) naturally, I’m now opened up to a whole another “sense”. I’m allowing the Holy Spirit to not only guide my life and to give me comfort, but to allow me to see things with different eyes. The limits are off. I now understand the force and reasoning behind situations and folk. I finally feel like I don’t have to do a thing, don’t have to convince nobody, don’t have to try to make folk understand, don’t have to wonder and worry why situations happen the way they do cause all I have to do is sit back and watch God do His thing. It’s amaaaazing the revelations I’ve gotten over the last few months.
So after the graduation last night, during the reception, a couple of us were sitting around having a conversation and the point was made so clear. If a church is not operating in the five fold ministry (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers) then we’re not being fully fed. And we will continue to feel this emptiness even after we’ve left the church on a “he preached” Sunday morning, as I’ve felt a many Sundays. And as I’ve said in many entries, that for so many years my “Christian life” was limited to just that of being fed by pastors and teachers, and every now and again an evangelist would come through. Or in recent years, the tele-evangelist thing has been so instrumental because we can tune in whenever we want without making our pastors intimidated (ok that’s for another entry--lol).
But what has happened is that we have taken the apostles and the prophetic out of the church. And one cannot operate totally in the will of God without being fed by these. In addition to that, we have also taken out healing and working miracles. We’ve kept in part of it….preaching and teaching, but we’ve kept out the part that would show the full manifestation of Christ. Therefore, when you speak about the Holy Spirit, folk--church folk---would consider it “spooky spiritual” because they haven’t experienced it. They haven’t been properly taught. So what has happened is that the church has found a message that would appease the people and “motivate” them enough to keep them coming back. That’s the “building of self” messages. And as I’ve expressed many times in this blog that when self is built there’s no room for the Holy Spirit to operate. It’s in our weak, pitiful self that the Lord operates. Self is finite, and once its built then what happens????? I mean, why would Christ be needed once we’ve reached "success" or prosperity??????? Umph. A lot of so-called Christians are missing it. Totally missing it.
So as we were talking last night it was mentioned that one of the prophets who taught us in Strike Force fasts for a year at a time. That’s how he is able to prophesy by calling out people’s exact names and street addresses and birthdates---I’ve witnessed this prophet with my own eyes and ears, on top of that I know God can speak through anything and anybody---lol. But we were saying the power of fasting and how when you fast the flesh is subjected therefore, you are really going into the Spirit realm and so you are able to see a whole lot of stuff. And so one of the guys in the conversation jokingly said that he can barely fast from 6a-6p and he’s not sure he wants to go that deep no how. And I jokingly laughed too. We all did. Cause we know its deep. Just experiencing what we’re experiencing on these levels, I can’t even imagine going that deep.
But after hearing that song tonight, I’ve made up in my mind that I don’t want any limits. I asked the Lord in the beginning of the year to take me deeper cause I want more, and the request still stands. Yes, these last 12 weeks have been an experience for me, but I want more of Him. This is just the appetizer. I want to go as far as the Lord wants to take me. I want no limits concerning Him and what He has for me.
So while I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and jamming to the music, I verbally made another vow to the Lord that I will NEVER leave Him. And that I will ALWAYS put Him first in my life. I made that commitment because I’m realizing that I can never be committed to my husband (or anybody else) and want all the benefits and favor of God for us without being committed to God first. I’ve gotta be committed to the Giver, not just the gifts. So again, I say…….LORD, USE ME IN WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT TO USE ME. I’M NOT LIMITING MYSELF AND I’M COMMITTED TO YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY. SO ENLARGE MY TERRITORY AND HAVE YOUR PERFECT WILL IN ME.
Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. --Matthew 4:23-24
Saturday, April 25, 2009
To Be Continued......
I can’t believe I finally finished my online continuing education classes to renew my real estate license. Yep, 17 hours in two days!!! And I did it while I’m yet still sick. Ok, I ain’t claiming sickness, but the reality is that my body aches, my nose is stuffy, and for some reason I’ve been sitting at the computer with a blanket around me. Of course I haven’t been to work for the last three days…..(Lord knows just how to make some things work) so my time home helped a whole lot. Had I not been sick, well……who knows--lol.
So I’ve procrastinated again. I had two whole years to do 15 hours of continuing ed classes, and I waited til the last minute as I do every two years. Wow, can’t believe its been 6 years since I’ve become a licensed real estate agent. I mean excuse me, a REALTOR. I paid my association fees so I’m taking my title. LOL. But I remember the day I passed that test and I’m telling you it felt more accomplishing than when I received my Master‘s degree. Yes, it really did. I think it was the overload of information and then the feeling of relief when I saw that joyful word-----PASSED.
Real estate is not difficult as most would make it seem. It’s actually quite interesting, but it’s a LOT of information. A lot of terms and a LOT of legal language. And I think the State of Maryland has to be the strictest state because we can’t get away with nothing---lol. But its all good information. I’m convinced that had I not been doing what I’m doing, I’d be a real estate attorney. Really I would. Lol. Even though it’s a lot, I love this stuff. That’s why I had the audacity to pursue my real estate license while I was in grad school. Yep, I would sit in the back of the class while my professor was lecturing, and I’d be studying for my real estate exam. I think I must be superwoman cause I studied and passed the exam while still maintaining my GPA. So I’m pretty proud of myself.
Selling real estate over the last six years have been an experience in itself. I’ve met sooo many wonderful people, many becoming life long friends. And I’ve made a pretty penny--lol. But with the major slow down of the market I had to stop and think if renewing my license was even worth it. And then with me being sick while thinking of those dreadful classes almost pushed me to the “heck with it” decision. But I pressed through.
After completing my last online class tonight/morning....Investment Properties, and receiving the COMPLETED notice, I couldn't wait to log onto the MD Real Estate Commission's site, type in my information, and hit RENEW LICENSE. Couldn't do it fast enough. But its done and I'm relieved. My license was do to expire on Tuesday. Oh, did I mention that? lol I was conducting business as usual. Umph.
I should be getting some sleep to attend yet another accomplishment…..graduation from my twelve-week Strike Force class at church tomorrow, but for some reason I have all these real estate terms running through my head…….tenancy at will, eminent domain, homestead rights, cooperatives, ad valorem, testator and trustee…….ok, I’m driving myself crazy now. I guess I’ll just take another Benadryl and call it a night. I mean morning.
So I’ve procrastinated again. I had two whole years to do 15 hours of continuing ed classes, and I waited til the last minute as I do every two years. Wow, can’t believe its been 6 years since I’ve become a licensed real estate agent. I mean excuse me, a REALTOR. I paid my association fees so I’m taking my title. LOL. But I remember the day I passed that test and I’m telling you it felt more accomplishing than when I received my Master‘s degree. Yes, it really did. I think it was the overload of information and then the feeling of relief when I saw that joyful word-----PASSED.
Real estate is not difficult as most would make it seem. It’s actually quite interesting, but it’s a LOT of information. A lot of terms and a LOT of legal language. And I think the State of Maryland has to be the strictest state because we can’t get away with nothing---lol. But its all good information. I’m convinced that had I not been doing what I’m doing, I’d be a real estate attorney. Really I would. Lol. Even though it’s a lot, I love this stuff. That’s why I had the audacity to pursue my real estate license while I was in grad school. Yep, I would sit in the back of the class while my professor was lecturing, and I’d be studying for my real estate exam. I think I must be superwoman cause I studied and passed the exam while still maintaining my GPA. So I’m pretty proud of myself.
Selling real estate over the last six years have been an experience in itself. I’ve met sooo many wonderful people, many becoming life long friends. And I’ve made a pretty penny--lol. But with the major slow down of the market I had to stop and think if renewing my license was even worth it. And then with me being sick while thinking of those dreadful classes almost pushed me to the “heck with it” decision. But I pressed through.
After completing my last online class tonight/morning....Investment Properties, and receiving the COMPLETED notice, I couldn't wait to log onto the MD Real Estate Commission's site, type in my information, and hit RENEW LICENSE. Couldn't do it fast enough. But its done and I'm relieved. My license was do to expire on Tuesday. Oh, did I mention that? lol I was conducting business as usual. Umph.
I should be getting some sleep to attend yet another accomplishment…..graduation from my twelve-week Strike Force class at church tomorrow, but for some reason I have all these real estate terms running through my head…….tenancy at will, eminent domain, homestead rights, cooperatives, ad valorem, testator and trustee…….ok, I’m driving myself crazy now. I guess I’ll just take another Benadryl and call it a night. I mean morning.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Body Speaks
Yes, screaming real loud. I’m home today. Sick. I should have taken the hint when on Sunday I did absolutely NOTHING. So unlike me. That’s usually my day to prepare for the week. And normally, I’d even find time to do a mile or two at the gym. Not this past Sunday. In fact, I’m still looking at the pile of clothes sitting in front of the washer and the unpacked bag of toiletries from travel last week. Just haven’t had the energy.
When I got into work Monday morning I was in a whirlwind. Funny thing is I think I was by myself. I’m blessed to work in such a laid back environment. Folk just do what they supposed to do---nothing more and nothing less. But I just had so much to do. At least I felt that way. Reports on top of reports. That’s the downfall of traveling. But then on top of that, I have final requirements that have to be met in order to graduate from my Strike Force class on Saturday. AND, my real estate license is due to expire next week, so that means I have to take 3 online classes (15 credit hours) in order to renew.
Just when I had everything set on Monday, oh did I mention I had to present my program at a two-day conference as well on Tuesday. Which meant that I had to get up extra early to be at the hotel by 8am sharp. But on top of all that…..my computer at work crashed. So I wasted half the day on Monday with the IT person only to end up not getting the stuff done that I needed to. So I think that’s when stuff really started to take a toll on me.
On Tuesday, my little presentation part of the conference was over by 11am, and I zoomed out the door. I had so much energy. I didn’t even want to waste time walking across the street in the opposite direction to the metro. So I decided to walk all the way to the office. Yes, from Farragut North to L’Enfant Plaza. I was on a roll. Gym bag, purse, oh and I stopped to get a salad, so I had my lunch bag too. And I was booking.
When I finally got to the office……computer still was acting up. I was livid. It finally started functioning about 1:30p, but by the time 3:00p came my body was shutting down. Still I made myself go to the gym, but as I was working out I felt like I was gonna collapse. I managed to get in a few miles, but that was it. By the grace of God I made it to the metro and grabbed the nearest seat. I actually sat in one of the priority seats, but started to feel bad cause a family of tourists got on behind me and the father forbid his children from sitting in the priority seats across from me. Yes, he gave the whole spiel.
To take my attention off of them I shifted my body only to face a young couple with their Costco groceries. Ok, can somebody tell me…..ok never mind. But the couple had two huge boxes of food. Yes, mushrooms, bananas, loaf of bread, mega economy box of Activia, and cat food, and some other stuff. Oh, and I guess Costco had a good deal on DVD players cause they had a box of that too. They were already on when I got on so I haven’t a clue how they managed to carry all that stuff, but obviously they did.
I got immediately sick looking at them. It just reminded me that I had to go to the grocery store cause I needed to get some of Theraflu. And some orange juice. And some….. And the list went on. When I got to the store I ended up spending more money than I’d plan to, and getting more stuff. Then as I was heading out I thought that I should go on and get my gas for the weekend. By the time I got in the house I was crawling. My body ached, my nose was stuffed up, and I just wanted my bed. So I took a quick shower, said the heck with anything else (oh I did manage to check my email), I made my cup of Theraflu and got in the bed.
As soon as I was about to sip my concoction my 9 year-old niece called. She said…… “Auntie, does the 4 Virginia rivers run into the Chesapeake Bay or the Atlantic Ocean?” I started to ask her why didn’t she ask her mother. Or call her father. But why bother--lol. Instead I gave her the auntie lecture of doing homework late, shouldn't be watching television......yada yada. Before I knew it I had turned my computer back on and was getting a quick lesson on Virginia’s ecosystem. More than I needed to know. Or wanted to know.
About an hour later I finally got in the bed and when I fell asleep I was out. I didn’t wake up til after ten this morning. My sheets and night shirt were soaked. My cold had broken, but my head still hurt. So I text my boss, took a shower, changed my linen, drank another cup of Theraflu, and got back in the bed.
At about 4pm I got restless. But still weak. So I took another shower and got on the computer. I’ve been on ever since. My mission is to tackle the online real estate classes, but I don’t know if my body or my mind is up to it. I’ll see. Cause I ain’t gonna push myself. My body obviously needs the rest.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. --Hebrews 4:9-11
When I got into work Monday morning I was in a whirlwind. Funny thing is I think I was by myself. I’m blessed to work in such a laid back environment. Folk just do what they supposed to do---nothing more and nothing less. But I just had so much to do. At least I felt that way. Reports on top of reports. That’s the downfall of traveling. But then on top of that, I have final requirements that have to be met in order to graduate from my Strike Force class on Saturday. AND, my real estate license is due to expire next week, so that means I have to take 3 online classes (15 credit hours) in order to renew.
Just when I had everything set on Monday, oh did I mention I had to present my program at a two-day conference as well on Tuesday. Which meant that I had to get up extra early to be at the hotel by 8am sharp. But on top of all that…..my computer at work crashed. So I wasted half the day on Monday with the IT person only to end up not getting the stuff done that I needed to. So I think that’s when stuff really started to take a toll on me.
On Tuesday, my little presentation part of the conference was over by 11am, and I zoomed out the door. I had so much energy. I didn’t even want to waste time walking across the street in the opposite direction to the metro. So I decided to walk all the way to the office. Yes, from Farragut North to L’Enfant Plaza. I was on a roll. Gym bag, purse, oh and I stopped to get a salad, so I had my lunch bag too. And I was booking.
When I finally got to the office……computer still was acting up. I was livid. It finally started functioning about 1:30p, but by the time 3:00p came my body was shutting down. Still I made myself go to the gym, but as I was working out I felt like I was gonna collapse. I managed to get in a few miles, but that was it. By the grace of God I made it to the metro and grabbed the nearest seat. I actually sat in one of the priority seats, but started to feel bad cause a family of tourists got on behind me and the father forbid his children from sitting in the priority seats across from me. Yes, he gave the whole spiel.
To take my attention off of them I shifted my body only to face a young couple with their Costco groceries. Ok, can somebody tell me…..ok never mind. But the couple had two huge boxes of food. Yes, mushrooms, bananas, loaf of bread, mega economy box of Activia, and cat food, and some other stuff. Oh, and I guess Costco had a good deal on DVD players cause they had a box of that too. They were already on when I got on so I haven’t a clue how they managed to carry all that stuff, but obviously they did.
I got immediately sick looking at them. It just reminded me that I had to go to the grocery store cause I needed to get some of Theraflu. And some orange juice. And some….. And the list went on. When I got to the store I ended up spending more money than I’d plan to, and getting more stuff. Then as I was heading out I thought that I should go on and get my gas for the weekend. By the time I got in the house I was crawling. My body ached, my nose was stuffed up, and I just wanted my bed. So I took a quick shower, said the heck with anything else (oh I did manage to check my email), I made my cup of Theraflu and got in the bed.
As soon as I was about to sip my concoction my 9 year-old niece called. She said…… “Auntie, does the 4 Virginia rivers run into the Chesapeake Bay or the Atlantic Ocean?” I started to ask her why didn’t she ask her mother. Or call her father. But why bother--lol. Instead I gave her the auntie lecture of doing homework late, shouldn't be watching television......yada yada. Before I knew it I had turned my computer back on and was getting a quick lesson on Virginia’s ecosystem. More than I needed to know. Or wanted to know.
About an hour later I finally got in the bed and when I fell asleep I was out. I didn’t wake up til after ten this morning. My sheets and night shirt were soaked. My cold had broken, but my head still hurt. So I text my boss, took a shower, changed my linen, drank another cup of Theraflu, and got back in the bed.
At about 4pm I got restless. But still weak. So I took another shower and got on the computer. I’ve been on ever since. My mission is to tackle the online real estate classes, but I don’t know if my body or my mind is up to it. I’ll see. Cause I ain’t gonna push myself. My body obviously needs the rest.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. --Hebrews 4:9-11
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Surface Living
I was in class yesterday and heard a testimony that stayed on my mind all night. Actually, its been something I’ve been thinking about quite often over the last few months. Its how we Americans live our lives so on the surface.
The testimony was very powerful. My classmate began by saying how negative people are in our lives and have so much influence over us that we’re unaware. Because we only accept and see what’s on the surface. So she tells the story of an uncle and aunt who lived in Texas. The aunt was very controlling. And throughout their family there was a running joke that the aunt controlled every aspect of her husband, the uncle. Well, while they were married the husband was diagnosed with cancer and at one point was on his death bed. Even still while he was sick the aunt controlled him. But the prayers kept going forth because at this time my classmate started to understand the satanic attack behind the situation. So she prayed that the [negative forces] in her family would die.
One day, the aunt went to work. She was a school teacher. And while she was in the teachers lounge she mysteriously dropped dead. After her death, the husband found out that his wife (the aunt) secretly owned another house across the river with his best friend. In addition to that, the children he thought were his by his wife were actually the best friend’s children. Ok, so I can’t imagine how dude was feeling losing all his children, his life, his wicked wife, and his health. My classmate didn’t give all the in-between details. But she did give the best part. The outcome. Something happened after the wife died.
First, the uncle was awarded the house across the river. Then the uncle was TOTALLY HEALED of cancer. Then he relocated to California, started a new life, and found another wife. My classmate said just recently her mother called her and said…… "you should see your uncle he looks sooo good and is sooo happy." And to top it off……at 72 years old, dude just found out that his new bride is pregnant. Talk about the negative influence, even death, that people close to you can have over you. Just cause we refuse to see beyond what's on the surface.
Over the last few months I’ve been fellowshipping with so many different cultures. And over the last few years not only working with various cultures, but serving them. And one thing I have to say, as my classmate said, we Americans live so much on the surface that its sickening. Just writing this entry I think about our famous line of “whatever”. You know we take things so lightly and have this mentality that we are gonna go along to get along. We prance through life skimming off the top and think we’ve done something. And we’re content with our "fake-me-out" success.
But there’s so much more to the equation. But we don’t have time to deal. I’m guilty of this. We look at a situation and take it at face value and accept what the outcome is and go on. And if it turns out to be negative we suck it up to an “oh well” attitude and move to our next thing. But then when all hell breaks loose we get backed up in a corner long enough to feel sorry for whatever and cry outrageously, but then we still move on.
I think about one of Bill Winston’s broadcasts when he said that he was so sick and tired of burying dead folk. He said that just recently he’d eulogized a young man and when he went to meet with the family their response was…… “it was just his time to go”. Bill Winston went off on the broadcast. He was like….what do you mean. The young man was only 16 years old!!! He had gotten shot. But that’s our mentality. We accept the results, not going deeper in the situation potentially avoiding what could have happened. Like in the situation with my classmate. I imagine, knowing the leadership she’s under, that she prayed and prayed and prayed until something happened. Until satan’s plot was used to destroy his own plan.
I heard something so profound the other day in class. The guest instructor said that isn’t it funny that all the people Jesus raised from the dead were the young folk. And it ain’t like the life-expectancy age was low because folk were living way over 100 years old back then. Yes it is funny. And its even funnier that the same power Jesus had (have) back then, He gave it to us today.
So I’m sitting at home today chilling. And I just started thinking heavily about this surface living thing. And I almost gasped cause I thought about the time when I was in undergrad and had a meeting with my advisor, an African dude from Sierra Leone. And he told me straight up. He was like Jill you have so much potential, your grades are great, but your mind is somewhere else. He said, I almost feel like you’re racing through this stage of your life trying to get somewhere, so where are you going? Where are you trying to get to? I couldn’t answer him. I was stuck. He told me that a lot of incoming Africans are so angry at African Americans because we don’t realize what we have. We don’t take time to smell the roses. Cherish life and freedom. Everything is a microwave mentality. I listened. But at that age I didn’t really accept it. I just knew that I needed to graduate. I needed my degree.
That takes me to another issue about this surface living thing. Image. And validation. Yes, I talk about this image thing so much in my entries cause I truly believe that it’s the American way. The ultimate lie that is leading America to doom. As long as we look good, or look successful, on the outside then we’ve “made it”. It’s living on the surface. We’re so busy trying to present a good face, that we don’t have time to deal with our unseen issues. I know some folk who can’t even sit at home for an entire day cause it drives them crazy. It causes them to face themselves.
You know what the saddest part is of this surface living thing……forming relationships while on the surface. I’m just sitting here thinking. You know what…..I have ALWAYS had physically beautiful girlfriends. And guy friends. I mean, the ones who’ve run in my daily circle. But at some point we always drift. Cause what you see ain't what you get. But my point is that while we’ve been living on the surface we form relationships, some even resulting in marriage, but then when its time to expose we find all the demons.
I’d like to think that my classmate’s aunt and uncle fell in love and married because……well, the loved each other. But the reality is…..the wife’s wickedness was always there. Maybe dormant or imbedded, but it was there. Her husband just probably fell for her on the surface. Probably not even realizing that the nasty spirit she carried dripped into his physical body. BUT, he had a praying family……..
I was having a conversation with my mother last night and I told her that the stakes are even greater now since I’m really learning about spiritual warfare. Before I marry I need to know about my husband’s momma and daddy, their momma and daddy, and so on. Generational curses are real and that nasty spirit….from sickness to mental illness to craftiness to jealously to death…..can run all through the bloodline if it ain’t stopped. The cycle has got to be broken and can only break by being under the authority of Christ.
I used to know a young lady who every time she had a baby, ironically a boy, he would die before he turned one years old. It’s the most mysterious thing. I think she buried three sons. Or more. I lost count. I went to one funeral and that was enough for me. And even with Patti Labelle’s family of how every one of her sisters and her mother all died of a different form of cancer. Not the same. Not that that makes it any better. But what has happened is we accept this stuff…..living on the surface and going along with the mentality of “that‘s life” and not approaching the nasty satanic force behind it. We don’t really realize how much power we have when we live in Christ.
I guess this is a good time to address the lie that many say…… “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away”. That is a lie from the pit of hell. The Lord gives and satan takes away. And we fall for it every time. Marriages, IN THE CHURCH, are destroyed. Our children are dying premature deaths. We’re living below what we’re purposed to do. And we accept it. Cause we don’t want to dig a little deeper than the surface. We’re content with the surface.
I have a girlfriend, and I shouldn’t be mentioning this but I feel a strong need to, but I have a girlfriend who has all sisters, no brothers. And all of them are single and childless. And all over the age of thirty. Their mom divorced their dad years ago and have since remained single. When you talk to the mom she brags that all her daughters are living successful lives and are not thinking about marriage or having babies. And when you look at them, on the surface, they look very content and happy. Especially my girlfriend who has accomplished so much in her career.
About a year or two ago, it was revealed to my girlfriend that there is a curse on her and her sisters that is blocking them from being married. The person who told her this said that it came from her mother. Now to be fair, I’m gonna say that perhaps it’s a generational curse that came through her mother’s line, but it could have come directly from her mother. She could have said in haste to their father that she hopes her girls will never marry and go through what she went through. We don’t know. But for months this hurt my girlfriend and even though she never mentioned it to her mother she openly admitted that she wants to be married. My girlfriend has since become so strong in the Lord breaking the curse that was placed on her. Today, she’s looking forward to her spring wedding.
But there is power in the tongue and we have to watch not only what we say, but who we attach ourselves with. Even some family members. There’s some wicked folk out there who don’t even know they’re wicked. I have had some folk in my life that I’ve steered clear from because of the spirit they’re carrying. And not that I would never be friends with them again cause “on the surface” they’re great people…..but their issues behind closed doors ain’t a good combination with where I am in my life. And so while I'm praying deeply for them, I’ma need them to deepen their relationship with the Lord before we resume. And I mean an authentic relationship with the Lord and not one that is just on the surface.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. --Ephesians 6:11-12
The testimony was very powerful. My classmate began by saying how negative people are in our lives and have so much influence over us that we’re unaware. Because we only accept and see what’s on the surface. So she tells the story of an uncle and aunt who lived in Texas. The aunt was very controlling. And throughout their family there was a running joke that the aunt controlled every aspect of her husband, the uncle. Well, while they were married the husband was diagnosed with cancer and at one point was on his death bed. Even still while he was sick the aunt controlled him. But the prayers kept going forth because at this time my classmate started to understand the satanic attack behind the situation. So she prayed that the [negative forces] in her family would die.
One day, the aunt went to work. She was a school teacher. And while she was in the teachers lounge she mysteriously dropped dead. After her death, the husband found out that his wife (the aunt) secretly owned another house across the river with his best friend. In addition to that, the children he thought were his by his wife were actually the best friend’s children. Ok, so I can’t imagine how dude was feeling losing all his children, his life, his wicked wife, and his health. My classmate didn’t give all the in-between details. But she did give the best part. The outcome. Something happened after the wife died.
First, the uncle was awarded the house across the river. Then the uncle was TOTALLY HEALED of cancer. Then he relocated to California, started a new life, and found another wife. My classmate said just recently her mother called her and said…… "you should see your uncle he looks sooo good and is sooo happy." And to top it off……at 72 years old, dude just found out that his new bride is pregnant. Talk about the negative influence, even death, that people close to you can have over you. Just cause we refuse to see beyond what's on the surface.
Over the last few months I’ve been fellowshipping with so many different cultures. And over the last few years not only working with various cultures, but serving them. And one thing I have to say, as my classmate said, we Americans live so much on the surface that its sickening. Just writing this entry I think about our famous line of “whatever”. You know we take things so lightly and have this mentality that we are gonna go along to get along. We prance through life skimming off the top and think we’ve done something. And we’re content with our "fake-me-out" success.
But there’s so much more to the equation. But we don’t have time to deal. I’m guilty of this. We look at a situation and take it at face value and accept what the outcome is and go on. And if it turns out to be negative we suck it up to an “oh well” attitude and move to our next thing. But then when all hell breaks loose we get backed up in a corner long enough to feel sorry for whatever and cry outrageously, but then we still move on.
I think about one of Bill Winston’s broadcasts when he said that he was so sick and tired of burying dead folk. He said that just recently he’d eulogized a young man and when he went to meet with the family their response was…… “it was just his time to go”. Bill Winston went off on the broadcast. He was like….what do you mean. The young man was only 16 years old!!! He had gotten shot. But that’s our mentality. We accept the results, not going deeper in the situation potentially avoiding what could have happened. Like in the situation with my classmate. I imagine, knowing the leadership she’s under, that she prayed and prayed and prayed until something happened. Until satan’s plot was used to destroy his own plan.
I heard something so profound the other day in class. The guest instructor said that isn’t it funny that all the people Jesus raised from the dead were the young folk. And it ain’t like the life-expectancy age was low because folk were living way over 100 years old back then. Yes it is funny. And its even funnier that the same power Jesus had (have) back then, He gave it to us today.
So I’m sitting at home today chilling. And I just started thinking heavily about this surface living thing. And I almost gasped cause I thought about the time when I was in undergrad and had a meeting with my advisor, an African dude from Sierra Leone. And he told me straight up. He was like Jill you have so much potential, your grades are great, but your mind is somewhere else. He said, I almost feel like you’re racing through this stage of your life trying to get somewhere, so where are you going? Where are you trying to get to? I couldn’t answer him. I was stuck. He told me that a lot of incoming Africans are so angry at African Americans because we don’t realize what we have. We don’t take time to smell the roses. Cherish life and freedom. Everything is a microwave mentality. I listened. But at that age I didn’t really accept it. I just knew that I needed to graduate. I needed my degree.
That takes me to another issue about this surface living thing. Image. And validation. Yes, I talk about this image thing so much in my entries cause I truly believe that it’s the American way. The ultimate lie that is leading America to doom. As long as we look good, or look successful, on the outside then we’ve “made it”. It’s living on the surface. We’re so busy trying to present a good face, that we don’t have time to deal with our unseen issues. I know some folk who can’t even sit at home for an entire day cause it drives them crazy. It causes them to face themselves.
You know what the saddest part is of this surface living thing……forming relationships while on the surface. I’m just sitting here thinking. You know what…..I have ALWAYS had physically beautiful girlfriends. And guy friends. I mean, the ones who’ve run in my daily circle. But at some point we always drift. Cause what you see ain't what you get. But my point is that while we’ve been living on the surface we form relationships, some even resulting in marriage, but then when its time to expose we find all the demons.
I’d like to think that my classmate’s aunt and uncle fell in love and married because……well, the loved each other. But the reality is…..the wife’s wickedness was always there. Maybe dormant or imbedded, but it was there. Her husband just probably fell for her on the surface. Probably not even realizing that the nasty spirit she carried dripped into his physical body. BUT, he had a praying family……..
I was having a conversation with my mother last night and I told her that the stakes are even greater now since I’m really learning about spiritual warfare. Before I marry I need to know about my husband’s momma and daddy, their momma and daddy, and so on. Generational curses are real and that nasty spirit….from sickness to mental illness to craftiness to jealously to death…..can run all through the bloodline if it ain’t stopped. The cycle has got to be broken and can only break by being under the authority of Christ.
I used to know a young lady who every time she had a baby, ironically a boy, he would die before he turned one years old. It’s the most mysterious thing. I think she buried three sons. Or more. I lost count. I went to one funeral and that was enough for me. And even with Patti Labelle’s family of how every one of her sisters and her mother all died of a different form of cancer. Not the same. Not that that makes it any better. But what has happened is we accept this stuff…..living on the surface and going along with the mentality of “that‘s life” and not approaching the nasty satanic force behind it. We don’t really realize how much power we have when we live in Christ.
I guess this is a good time to address the lie that many say…… “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away”. That is a lie from the pit of hell. The Lord gives and satan takes away. And we fall for it every time. Marriages, IN THE CHURCH, are destroyed. Our children are dying premature deaths. We’re living below what we’re purposed to do. And we accept it. Cause we don’t want to dig a little deeper than the surface. We’re content with the surface.
I have a girlfriend, and I shouldn’t be mentioning this but I feel a strong need to, but I have a girlfriend who has all sisters, no brothers. And all of them are single and childless. And all over the age of thirty. Their mom divorced their dad years ago and have since remained single. When you talk to the mom she brags that all her daughters are living successful lives and are not thinking about marriage or having babies. And when you look at them, on the surface, they look very content and happy. Especially my girlfriend who has accomplished so much in her career.
About a year or two ago, it was revealed to my girlfriend that there is a curse on her and her sisters that is blocking them from being married. The person who told her this said that it came from her mother. Now to be fair, I’m gonna say that perhaps it’s a generational curse that came through her mother’s line, but it could have come directly from her mother. She could have said in haste to their father that she hopes her girls will never marry and go through what she went through. We don’t know. But for months this hurt my girlfriend and even though she never mentioned it to her mother she openly admitted that she wants to be married. My girlfriend has since become so strong in the Lord breaking the curse that was placed on her. Today, she’s looking forward to her spring wedding.
But there is power in the tongue and we have to watch not only what we say, but who we attach ourselves with. Even some family members. There’s some wicked folk out there who don’t even know they’re wicked. I have had some folk in my life that I’ve steered clear from because of the spirit they’re carrying. And not that I would never be friends with them again cause “on the surface” they’re great people…..but their issues behind closed doors ain’t a good combination with where I am in my life. And so while I'm praying deeply for them, I’ma need them to deepen their relationship with the Lord before we resume. And I mean an authentic relationship with the Lord and not one that is just on the surface.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. --Ephesians 6:11-12
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Roadside Assistance
Whew. Finally made it home. And I’m worn out. I actually left Connecticut in time to be home by 5:00p. But with heavy traffic getting over the GW Bridge and chaos at the toll getting off the NJ Turnpike…..it was nearly impossible to do the trip in under six hours.
But can’t blame it just on the traffic cause just when I was about to hit Baltimore I got a flashing red exclamation point warning on my dashboard. I’d never seen it before so it definitely caught my immediate attention. I was actually on the phone running my mouth with my sister when the emergency signal appeared. But just as fast as I could tell her I‘d call her back, a rep was ringing into the car alerting me that my tire pressure was low. The rep gave me two options. Either go to the nearest dealer which was located in Bel Air or pull over to the Sunoco at the Maryland House. Hmmmm……I mean, I’d heard of the features of my “Kay” (that’s what I named my car), but since I purchased her three years ago I hadn’t had a need for roadside assistance. And am still learning all of its features.
Anyway…..I opted to go to the Maryland House. At least I’m familiar with that place. It almost feels like home away from home. Within five minutes my tires were taken care of. And as soon as I could pull back onto 95 south, the rep was calling me back to make sure I was okay. Talk about spoiling a sistah. Shucks, that’s the least they can do after spending $700 for two, I said TWO, tires back in November. I almost had a heart attack when I was given the quote. And that wasn’t the dealers outrageous price. That was from the little local tire store that guarantees to beat the dealer’s price. So yes…….Kay better talk to me, tell me when she’s sick, well, and some more!!!! Cause that little thing is expensive to maintain.
(Deep breath). Yes, so I decided to drive this trip. I mean, since Hartford is just about 2 ½ hours above New York City I thought…..what the heck. One thing for sure and two things for certain……I wasn’t taking no flight up north. No, no, no. I don’t do the regional jets. You know, the 50 passenger propeller plane that flies from DC to the northeast. Nope. Not this sistah. Last time I did it the JamaicaQueens-PG County Jill came out. And I mean, aaaaaallllllll out. Lol.
About two years ago me and my colleague had traveled to Albany, NY. I should have taken the hint when just the month before we went to Vermont and had to board the regional jet in the middle of the runway at National. It was pouring down raining and as soon as I made it up those little toy steps that shake if more than two people are standing on them the flight attendant told me that my luggage was too heavy to board. I was fired up. My luggage ended up going on another flight. A bigger one that went through Chicago. I couldn’t believe it. It was a suitcase big enough to hold just two days worth of clothes. But I was told it was too much. I should have taken the hint then.
But all hell broke loose when we went to Albany. Going was okay. I managed it cause I was sooo tired. But coming back……whew. Okay, me and my colleague were sitting in the airport waiting for our flight and the pilot sat down next to me. We spoke and I continued to read my book. But then I heard dude tell whoever he was talking to, to wish him luck on flying his first commercial plane. My antennas went up immediately. Okay. And I hate to judge a book by its cover, but dude’s uniform was disheveled and when I looked down he had on tube socks. I went off in that airport. I told my colleague that I wasn’t getting on that flight. I refused. Everybody was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I was so upset. I couldn’t believe that U.S. Air…..yes I’m calling you out……could hire somebody so unprofessional. Looking and acting. I mean, don’t they have lounges for pilots to sit in until it’s time for duty. I mean, I know it’s a small airport and all but c’mon. At least I wouldn’t have to hear such nonsense. I mean, hey……what I don’t know can’t hurt me. But because I heard him…….awww heck no. Not this sistah.
But this is what made it worse. My colleague. Ok, I gotta admit. At the time of that trip I wasn’t walking 100% with the Lord so I wasn’t 100% sure where my eternal home would be. But I knew one thing…..I wasn’t going where my colleague is headed. She’s a buddhist. She’s all confused. She lights incense and has an altar with fruit and stuff. I mean, I can’t judge but the Bible talks about these types of other god worshippers. And although I knew I had to get right with the Lord, I believed then (and still do) that Christ is the true and only living God. I know the truth. And there ain’t nothing she can tell me to this day other than having to do with business. And that’s even limited.
Anyway so here I am pissed off. And at the wrong time my colleague looked at me and had the nerve to say……Jill, are you afraid of dying. You could imagine the look I gave her. Then she started talking about death and how the good thing about dying in a plane crash is that its an instant death. And we all should be cremated like her brother-in-law just a few days before. I couldn’t take it. I was going through too many personal changes on a business trip.
So I was going off in Albany. And after I had made enough noise, the lead pilot comes out and assures me that all would be okay and that the pilot sitting next to me was just his co-pilot-in-training. He told me that he had a grandchild he needed to see born. He made me feel so much better. And so my desperate desire to be home trumped my fear. But I vowed that if I could help it……I would not do a regional jet ever.
So I decided to drive this trip. Especially since I was traveling alone. And aside from not wanting to fly, I really wanted to take my time and relax this trip. I’ve come to love driving trips over the last few years since it gives me so much time with the Lord. I mean, on my way there the Lord revealed so much to me. At one point I was in tears and other times I just gave God the praise through song. He’s so worthy.
Coming back I was getting a little sick of being stuck in the car. My mind was starting to think too much. Is it just me or does anybody else wonder which state owns the land between the signs that say “you’re now leaving [state]” and welcome to [state]”? I went as far as to make a mental note to find out when I got to the nearest computer. Yes, it was time to come home. Cause I was clearly missing my surroundings. Lol.
After I had gotten my tires checked, I was on a roll. I had just come out of the Ft. McHenry tunnel and was anticipating the sign that says Richmond (left) Silver Spring (right). But just as I was getting happy I noticed a pick-up truck in front of me. It was traveling at a nice pace, but a little too slow for me. But I slowed down to be courteous. I imagined the driver was cruising home from work and needed to unwind. As I was driving I noticed the license plate. Let me just remind you that I had turned off my brain a few states prior cause it was on overload. So I immediately couldn’t understand what the plate read. And honestly, I really didn’t care. But it grabbed me. It read……PRA4ME.
My first assumption was that it was a Black woman driving. But the pick-up truck threw me off. So I pulled from behind it to see who was driving. And to my surprise it was a middle-aged White man. Looked to be in his fifties. I lie not, I started crying (even now). I mean, so much started going through my head. Cause usually when I see, don’t know about anybody else, but usually when I see personalized tags I read it and go on. But this one was different. And to be honest, if it had been anybody else I probably would have looked at it and kept going. But he grabbed my heart. And I started crying and praying for the guy I simply referred to as the “pick-up truck driver”. I’m sure many, many people have read his license plate over the years, but this night the right person saw it. I couldn’t stop interceding for him. I was pulling into my parking lot when I finally finished.
And then it hit me. The emergency signal in my car. Had it not come on I wouldn’t have had to pull over to the Maryland House. And if I didn’t pull over to the Maryland House I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate. And if I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate I would have missed praying for the pick-up truck driver. You know what…..so many times we think its all about us not accepting that we as Christians are put here to serve. My prayer daily is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, to do the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to the Lord’s will.
Even now, I’m thinking that perhaps the pick-up driver has lost his life savings or retirement in this jilted economy. People are hurting. And we’re all crying out for something higher than us. The Bible says that when the end is near all flesh will cry out. Seeing that White man…….whom I would have never assumed if I’d seen him outside of his car……asking for prayer. Umph.
Just as I’m traveling on my road of life today and received assistance, the Lord made it so that I was able to give assistance also. Umph.
"In the last days, God says I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors whom the LORD calls. --Joel 28:32
But can’t blame it just on the traffic cause just when I was about to hit Baltimore I got a flashing red exclamation point warning on my dashboard. I’d never seen it before so it definitely caught my immediate attention. I was actually on the phone running my mouth with my sister when the emergency signal appeared. But just as fast as I could tell her I‘d call her back, a rep was ringing into the car alerting me that my tire pressure was low. The rep gave me two options. Either go to the nearest dealer which was located in Bel Air or pull over to the Sunoco at the Maryland House. Hmmmm……I mean, I’d heard of the features of my “Kay” (that’s what I named my car), but since I purchased her three years ago I hadn’t had a need for roadside assistance. And am still learning all of its features.
Anyway…..I opted to go to the Maryland House. At least I’m familiar with that place. It almost feels like home away from home. Within five minutes my tires were taken care of. And as soon as I could pull back onto 95 south, the rep was calling me back to make sure I was okay. Talk about spoiling a sistah. Shucks, that’s the least they can do after spending $700 for two, I said TWO, tires back in November. I almost had a heart attack when I was given the quote. And that wasn’t the dealers outrageous price. That was from the little local tire store that guarantees to beat the dealer’s price. So yes…….Kay better talk to me, tell me when she’s sick, well, and some more!!!! Cause that little thing is expensive to maintain.
(Deep breath). Yes, so I decided to drive this trip. I mean, since Hartford is just about 2 ½ hours above New York City I thought…..what the heck. One thing for sure and two things for certain……I wasn’t taking no flight up north. No, no, no. I don’t do the regional jets. You know, the 50 passenger propeller plane that flies from DC to the northeast. Nope. Not this sistah. Last time I did it the JamaicaQueens-PG County Jill came out. And I mean, aaaaaallllllll out. Lol.
About two years ago me and my colleague had traveled to Albany, NY. I should have taken the hint when just the month before we went to Vermont and had to board the regional jet in the middle of the runway at National. It was pouring down raining and as soon as I made it up those little toy steps that shake if more than two people are standing on them the flight attendant told me that my luggage was too heavy to board. I was fired up. My luggage ended up going on another flight. A bigger one that went through Chicago. I couldn’t believe it. It was a suitcase big enough to hold just two days worth of clothes. But I was told it was too much. I should have taken the hint then.
But all hell broke loose when we went to Albany. Going was okay. I managed it cause I was sooo tired. But coming back……whew. Okay, me and my colleague were sitting in the airport waiting for our flight and the pilot sat down next to me. We spoke and I continued to read my book. But then I heard dude tell whoever he was talking to, to wish him luck on flying his first commercial plane. My antennas went up immediately. Okay. And I hate to judge a book by its cover, but dude’s uniform was disheveled and when I looked down he had on tube socks. I went off in that airport. I told my colleague that I wasn’t getting on that flight. I refused. Everybody was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I was so upset. I couldn’t believe that U.S. Air…..yes I’m calling you out……could hire somebody so unprofessional. Looking and acting. I mean, don’t they have lounges for pilots to sit in until it’s time for duty. I mean, I know it’s a small airport and all but c’mon. At least I wouldn’t have to hear such nonsense. I mean, hey……what I don’t know can’t hurt me. But because I heard him…….awww heck no. Not this sistah.
But this is what made it worse. My colleague. Ok, I gotta admit. At the time of that trip I wasn’t walking 100% with the Lord so I wasn’t 100% sure where my eternal home would be. But I knew one thing…..I wasn’t going where my colleague is headed. She’s a buddhist. She’s all confused. She lights incense and has an altar with fruit and stuff. I mean, I can’t judge but the Bible talks about these types of other god worshippers. And although I knew I had to get right with the Lord, I believed then (and still do) that Christ is the true and only living God. I know the truth. And there ain’t nothing she can tell me to this day other than having to do with business. And that’s even limited.
Anyway so here I am pissed off. And at the wrong time my colleague looked at me and had the nerve to say……Jill, are you afraid of dying. You could imagine the look I gave her. Then she started talking about death and how the good thing about dying in a plane crash is that its an instant death. And we all should be cremated like her brother-in-law just a few days before. I couldn’t take it. I was going through too many personal changes on a business trip.
So I was going off in Albany. And after I had made enough noise, the lead pilot comes out and assures me that all would be okay and that the pilot sitting next to me was just his co-pilot-in-training. He told me that he had a grandchild he needed to see born. He made me feel so much better. And so my desperate desire to be home trumped my fear. But I vowed that if I could help it……I would not do a regional jet ever.
So I decided to drive this trip. Especially since I was traveling alone. And aside from not wanting to fly, I really wanted to take my time and relax this trip. I’ve come to love driving trips over the last few years since it gives me so much time with the Lord. I mean, on my way there the Lord revealed so much to me. At one point I was in tears and other times I just gave God the praise through song. He’s so worthy.
Coming back I was getting a little sick of being stuck in the car. My mind was starting to think too much. Is it just me or does anybody else wonder which state owns the land between the signs that say “you’re now leaving [state]” and welcome to [state]”? I went as far as to make a mental note to find out when I got to the nearest computer. Yes, it was time to come home. Cause I was clearly missing my surroundings. Lol.
After I had gotten my tires checked, I was on a roll. I had just come out of the Ft. McHenry tunnel and was anticipating the sign that says Richmond (left) Silver Spring (right). But just as I was getting happy I noticed a pick-up truck in front of me. It was traveling at a nice pace, but a little too slow for me. But I slowed down to be courteous. I imagined the driver was cruising home from work and needed to unwind. As I was driving I noticed the license plate. Let me just remind you that I had turned off my brain a few states prior cause it was on overload. So I immediately couldn’t understand what the plate read. And honestly, I really didn’t care. But it grabbed me. It read……PRA4ME.
My first assumption was that it was a Black woman driving. But the pick-up truck threw me off. So I pulled from behind it to see who was driving. And to my surprise it was a middle-aged White man. Looked to be in his fifties. I lie not, I started crying (even now). I mean, so much started going through my head. Cause usually when I see, don’t know about anybody else, but usually when I see personalized tags I read it and go on. But this one was different. And to be honest, if it had been anybody else I probably would have looked at it and kept going. But he grabbed my heart. And I started crying and praying for the guy I simply referred to as the “pick-up truck driver”. I’m sure many, many people have read his license plate over the years, but this night the right person saw it. I couldn’t stop interceding for him. I was pulling into my parking lot when I finally finished.
And then it hit me. The emergency signal in my car. Had it not come on I wouldn’t have had to pull over to the Maryland House. And if I didn’t pull over to the Maryland House I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate. And if I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate I would have missed praying for the pick-up truck driver. You know what…..so many times we think its all about us not accepting that we as Christians are put here to serve. My prayer daily is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, to do the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to the Lord’s will.
Even now, I’m thinking that perhaps the pick-up driver has lost his life savings or retirement in this jilted economy. People are hurting. And we’re all crying out for something higher than us. The Bible says that when the end is near all flesh will cry out. Seeing that White man…….whom I would have never assumed if I’d seen him outside of his car……asking for prayer. Umph.
Just as I’m traveling on my road of life today and received assistance, the Lord made it so that I was able to give assistance also. Umph.
"In the last days, God says I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors whom the LORD calls. --Joel 28:32
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Connecting in Connecticut
Oh my GOOD GOD!!! Talking about devine timing and order. Here I am in Connecticut on business and just had a meeting that is about to fulfill a dream. Not even having nothing to do with my intended purpose for being here. So much is running through my head. The Spirit is joyfully bubbling inside and I cannot even contain myself. How did this happen????? God is AWESOME. So this is what the favor of God is all about. Wow!!!
Alright Lord.....it's on!! I'd be a fool to leave your presence. Don't worry I ain't going NO WHERE!!
Alright Lord.....it's on!! I'd be a fool to leave your presence. Don't worry I ain't going NO WHERE!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The Dove Experience
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m speechless. Just speechless. Ok, cause I think I done talked all night about it. Or at least it has been running through my mind and in my dreams.
Ok, so last night I went to Good Friday service at the church that I’m 90% sure I will be joining within the next couple visits. It’s actually my sister’s church. And one of my good girlfriends is also a member there. My girlfriend is actually the one who’s been telling me about this awesome ministry for the last two years. Ironically, my sister’s friend was telling her too and we both showed up on the same Sunday. Nothing short of the workings of the Holy Spirit.
I absolutely LUUUV this church for more than enough reasons. It’s something about when the pastor falls on his face on the altar and cries out to God. Never grand, just loving God. But in addition to that, the people just want God and God alone too. They’re not stuck in a superficial world to emerald city. Nor are they caught up in the gimme-more message. And though I’ve met and have had conversations with MANY since I’ve been doing the Saturday prophetic classes there, I can’t tell you their profession, what they drive, or the color of their shoes. When we come together, I’m telling you it’s a powerful thang.
Well, last night my sister invited the entire family to church to have Good Friday together. Not all showed, but enough of us were there. We had been talking about this weekend for the last few months. A prophet from Ghana was due to be there and so the church was in high expectation mode. He’d apparently visited before and BLESSED the church. So we were excited.
Ok, now if you don’t know me by now let me just say this…….I’ve seen it all. I was raised in a Pentecostal church in New York so I know how the all night tarrying services go and the laying hands on the sick goes. When we relocated to Maryland we joined a deliverance ministry in which I witnessed healings and demons being cast out. Then as I got older I joined a very popular teaching ministry and learned the Bible in a way that has drastically changed my life. So basically, nothing surprises me. I know the power of God, I’m filled with the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues--YES), and I live a life according to the truth that Jesus is alive, not dead on the cross!!! Happy Resurrection Sunday---tomorrow. Lol.
Anyway. So last night I went to church. Got there a little late and had to sit off to the side near the choir. Not a bad seat since I could see it all, but it wasn’t my usual seat by the backdoor where I have easy access to the ladies room. To my surprise, two of my sisters walked in after me and since the church was packed out, they were seated in the last two seats in the section I was in.
Ok, so the Spirit was HIGH!!!!!!!!!!! When I came in they were doing praise and worship. And just like my personality……I stood, observed, took it all in, and waved my hand when I felt the need. For me…..it don’t take all that hollering and carrying on. Ok, let me retract that because at this church what I notice is that there is not a lot of emotionalism and shouting going on. When the Spirit flows everybody is free. Worshiping by lying on their face at the altar, crying out to God, or whatever body activity they need to do to give God all the praise. But it still don’t take all that for me. My running around the church days are long gone. I mean, back in the 90’s I would just finish fornicating, go to church and shout and dance for two hours, and then leave with my boyfriend and finish where we left off. Just being real here. Thank God for deliverance!!!!
But my point is……I’m a cooooool worshipper--lol. The most dramatic thing I’ll do when the Spirit is flowing high is cry. And most times I’ll sit down in my seat with my head in my lap just praising and thanking Him for who He is. Its not until I’m home locked up in my room when I cry out and lay on my face before God. Those moments are personal for me and so perhaps I come to church guarded. Funny thing is……my girlfriends and sisters are the same way. We love the Lord……but we’re cool with it.
Ok, all the cool points were redeemed at ONE TIME last night. In public. Whew. I get chills thinking about it. (Deep breath) ok, the prophet was doing his thing. Everybody was amazed cause he was calling out people’s names and birthdays, and just hitting things on the mark. Again, I’d seen all this before. Maybe not as deep as calling out birthdays, but enough to know that a prophet is legit.
Anyway, so I’m standing with everyone else and the prophet was ministering to my girlfriend. That’s an entry in itself. And not my place to expound on this blog…..but I will say that she will never be the same. Yes, she was one of the ones who got her birthday AND name called out. After church she was in a daze at the things he told her. Anyway……so I’m watching and witnessing, and standing there taking it all in. Cool, calm, and collected--lol. And then the prophet stops and says…… “I see a dove flying in here”. And you know a dove represents the Holy Spirit. So, he starts looking all around as if he’s following the dove in the Spirit. Then he says….. “its by the choir.” Then he tells the choir to get up. So all the members on the choir are in high worship by this time. Then the prophet tells the choir to all come down off the choir stand. And then he calls all the elders to form a circle around them.
But then the prophet is still following this dove. He leaves the choir still standing, but then turns to the section where I’m sitting (with my two sisters behind me) and he tells all of us to stand--those who weren‘t already standing. So then the prophet says…… “the dove is now flying over you all.” He was in deep thought. It was as if he had cornered the dove and was getting ready to reach it. So he tells the few of us to join hands. Then he looked at us and lightly blew his breath and I lie not……the Holy Spirit lifted me off the floor, my arms formed into wings, and I fell out in the Spirit. I was the only one out of about 25 of us in that section who went down. And when I went down I could hear everybody scream, but I was so light and free that they seemed so far away. When I tell you that I have NEVER experienced anything to that magnitude. I mean, I have had preachers lay hands on me and I’d fall out in the Spirit, but not like this. I actually felt like a bird flying.
When I came to myself, I was a mess. I didn’t know what happened. But I knew I had been down there for a while cause when I looked at the altar so many were layed out. So the people around me started helping me off the floor, black mascara was running down my face, my hair was all over my head and when I turned around my sisters were looking at me like they’d saw a ghost. One was crying, but the youngest was looking at me like…..OH MY GOD. But it didn’t take long for them cause as soon as we got out of church they said they were going to clown me for life. I didn’t care cause it was confirmation for me that JESUS IS REAL AND HE‘S TAKING ME DEEPER!!!!!! My mother said that when she saw me go down she screamed……..YES!!!!
I’m telling you…….you can have all that teaching and building a “godly” image, be the best you can be, build kingdoms on earth while searching for your inheritance, prosperity, women’s tea party church, just give me JESUS!!!!!
Thank you Holy Spirit. When I asked to go deeper in YOU I had no idea. Keep it coming.
When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." --Luke 3:21-22
Ok, so last night I went to Good Friday service at the church that I’m 90% sure I will be joining within the next couple visits. It’s actually my sister’s church. And one of my good girlfriends is also a member there. My girlfriend is actually the one who’s been telling me about this awesome ministry for the last two years. Ironically, my sister’s friend was telling her too and we both showed up on the same Sunday. Nothing short of the workings of the Holy Spirit.
I absolutely LUUUV this church for more than enough reasons. It’s something about when the pastor falls on his face on the altar and cries out to God. Never grand, just loving God. But in addition to that, the people just want God and God alone too. They’re not stuck in a superficial world to emerald city. Nor are they caught up in the gimme-more message. And though I’ve met and have had conversations with MANY since I’ve been doing the Saturday prophetic classes there, I can’t tell you their profession, what they drive, or the color of their shoes. When we come together, I’m telling you it’s a powerful thang.
Well, last night my sister invited the entire family to church to have Good Friday together. Not all showed, but enough of us were there. We had been talking about this weekend for the last few months. A prophet from Ghana was due to be there and so the church was in high expectation mode. He’d apparently visited before and BLESSED the church. So we were excited.
Ok, now if you don’t know me by now let me just say this…….I’ve seen it all. I was raised in a Pentecostal church in New York so I know how the all night tarrying services go and the laying hands on the sick goes. When we relocated to Maryland we joined a deliverance ministry in which I witnessed healings and demons being cast out. Then as I got older I joined a very popular teaching ministry and learned the Bible in a way that has drastically changed my life. So basically, nothing surprises me. I know the power of God, I’m filled with the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues--YES), and I live a life according to the truth that Jesus is alive, not dead on the cross!!! Happy Resurrection Sunday---tomorrow. Lol.
Anyway. So last night I went to church. Got there a little late and had to sit off to the side near the choir. Not a bad seat since I could see it all, but it wasn’t my usual seat by the backdoor where I have easy access to the ladies room. To my surprise, two of my sisters walked in after me and since the church was packed out, they were seated in the last two seats in the section I was in.
Ok, so the Spirit was HIGH!!!!!!!!!!! When I came in they were doing praise and worship. And just like my personality……I stood, observed, took it all in, and waved my hand when I felt the need. For me…..it don’t take all that hollering and carrying on. Ok, let me retract that because at this church what I notice is that there is not a lot of emotionalism and shouting going on. When the Spirit flows everybody is free. Worshiping by lying on their face at the altar, crying out to God, or whatever body activity they need to do to give God all the praise. But it still don’t take all that for me. My running around the church days are long gone. I mean, back in the 90’s I would just finish fornicating, go to church and shout and dance for two hours, and then leave with my boyfriend and finish where we left off. Just being real here. Thank God for deliverance!!!!
But my point is……I’m a cooooool worshipper--lol. The most dramatic thing I’ll do when the Spirit is flowing high is cry. And most times I’ll sit down in my seat with my head in my lap just praising and thanking Him for who He is. Its not until I’m home locked up in my room when I cry out and lay on my face before God. Those moments are personal for me and so perhaps I come to church guarded. Funny thing is……my girlfriends and sisters are the same way. We love the Lord……but we’re cool with it.
Ok, all the cool points were redeemed at ONE TIME last night. In public. Whew. I get chills thinking about it. (Deep breath) ok, the prophet was doing his thing. Everybody was amazed cause he was calling out people’s names and birthdays, and just hitting things on the mark. Again, I’d seen all this before. Maybe not as deep as calling out birthdays, but enough to know that a prophet is legit.
Anyway, so I’m standing with everyone else and the prophet was ministering to my girlfriend. That’s an entry in itself. And not my place to expound on this blog…..but I will say that she will never be the same. Yes, she was one of the ones who got her birthday AND name called out. After church she was in a daze at the things he told her. Anyway……so I’m watching and witnessing, and standing there taking it all in. Cool, calm, and collected--lol. And then the prophet stops and says…… “I see a dove flying in here”. And you know a dove represents the Holy Spirit. So, he starts looking all around as if he’s following the dove in the Spirit. Then he says….. “its by the choir.” Then he tells the choir to get up. So all the members on the choir are in high worship by this time. Then the prophet tells the choir to all come down off the choir stand. And then he calls all the elders to form a circle around them.
But then the prophet is still following this dove. He leaves the choir still standing, but then turns to the section where I’m sitting (with my two sisters behind me) and he tells all of us to stand--those who weren‘t already standing. So then the prophet says…… “the dove is now flying over you all.” He was in deep thought. It was as if he had cornered the dove and was getting ready to reach it. So he tells the few of us to join hands. Then he looked at us and lightly blew his breath and I lie not……the Holy Spirit lifted me off the floor, my arms formed into wings, and I fell out in the Spirit. I was the only one out of about 25 of us in that section who went down. And when I went down I could hear everybody scream, but I was so light and free that they seemed so far away. When I tell you that I have NEVER experienced anything to that magnitude. I mean, I have had preachers lay hands on me and I’d fall out in the Spirit, but not like this. I actually felt like a bird flying.
When I came to myself, I was a mess. I didn’t know what happened. But I knew I had been down there for a while cause when I looked at the altar so many were layed out. So the people around me started helping me off the floor, black mascara was running down my face, my hair was all over my head and when I turned around my sisters were looking at me like they’d saw a ghost. One was crying, but the youngest was looking at me like…..OH MY GOD. But it didn’t take long for them cause as soon as we got out of church they said they were going to clown me for life. I didn’t care cause it was confirmation for me that JESUS IS REAL AND HE‘S TAKING ME DEEPER!!!!!! My mother said that when she saw me go down she screamed……..YES!!!!
I’m telling you…….you can have all that teaching and building a “godly” image, be the best you can be, build kingdoms on earth while searching for your inheritance, prosperity, women’s tea party church, just give me JESUS!!!!!
Thank you Holy Spirit. When I asked to go deeper in YOU I had no idea. Keep it coming.
When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." --Luke 3:21-22
Friday, April 10, 2009
The Steve Harvey Book
Ok, I read the book today. Perhaps I’m a bit late. But I didn’t plan to read it. I actually read a copy from a colleague. But yes, the one that is hot on the market. Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. The bestseller. It took me every bit of four hours with several bathroom breaks and five pages of notes. Yes, I took notes. And I read it from cover to cover---table of contents, full chapters, credits, acknowledgements, Q&A’s and all. It was a page turner. And a really good read. That’s if you look at it from the worldly Black man’s point-of-view. To be honest, it was a Black man’s version of the book, 7 Things He’ll Never Tell You. The book that’s been posted on the bottom of this blog for the last year. So my colleague had read Steve‘s book…..was turned off from the first chapter, and so I decided to read for myself. I just wanted to know what all the hype was about. And I got it. And you know me……….I gotta express---lol.
Before I express my opinions, let me give you a brief overview of the book. In sum, according to Steve, men are who they are and us woman have to find a way to deal with them. Throughout the book, and especially at the end, Steve gives suggestions on how to deal with a man--lol. Basically, women are playing a major part in making men the “less-than-perfect“ creatures they are. So either we play our puppet role or we lose out. Every now and again he’ll mention that we need to up our standards and requirements like demand answers to important questions, but then he names a chapter…… “We Need to Talk and Other Words that Make Men Run for Cover”. Yes, in this chapter he basically tells women that we need to shut the heck up! YESSSSS…..it’s confusing and very contradicting. But it was a good book cause it shows, okay to be fair---from one man’s opinion---just how confused our men have become. But for me it’s confirmation!!! These same Steve-type men have crossed my lifetime. Oh, Lord….my prayers just went to a whole another level---lol.
Ok, as for my opinion……..
First, having a profession that focuses primarily on relationships (I manage a marriage enrichment program for the Feds) it always baffles me that out of all the marriage education curriculums and literature, I’m talking professional ones, there are only a handful that solely target Blacks. And of those…….NONE come from a Christian point-of-view. I mean, none that I’ve seen. None that are commercially circulated and certified on higher levels.
Over the last three years, since the start of the program, I’ve traveled all over the country attending marriage education conferences, observing relationship workshops, and monitoring our grantees who provide marriage education to their communities. And I’m amazed that the Black population is taught from either an adapted curriculum that focuses primarily on White families or rely on the watered-down version of marriage education taught by a lot of churches. And I say this not as a critic, but according to the facts. Several studies have revealed that “church-going” Christians divorce rate parallel that of all Americans. Um, and that’s at a 50% rate. What are the churches really teaching in their pre-marital classes. Who knows. But as a result of the limited information, we resort to being “educated” by the opinions of our public figures. The Steve Harveys. And I ain’t knocking him cause he has a right to his opinion, but I’m just saying………lol.
When I tell you that I am so passionate about marriage education in the Black community, you’ve GOT to believe me. Daily, I study the stats that come across my desk, and read countless articles and opinions by community and faith-based leaders. Analyze opinion polls and evaluations. Even hearing concerns from couples. It’s AMAZING what’s going on in relationship education from the political level to the household. And as a people…….we’re confused. Because on one hand we’re guided by society norms in our communities and on the other trying to follow the limited guidelines of the church.
Second, personally, not just the realities of Steve’s book……but the whole relationship situation is enough to throw your hands up if we rely on and accept the world‘s view. Just over the weekend I was having a conversation with my male cousins at a family event. They love to pick on me because I’m the only female of age in the family who is not on “official” relationship status. Meaning, I ain’t wearing a ring or announced a wedding date. And I keep them guessing which really ticks them off. I tells nothing. Oh, and I’m motherless. That plays a huge part in their opinions too. Anyway, so we’re sitting at the kitchen table talking and my cousins flat out told me……Jill, face it. All men cheat. Women outnumber men, and so men have the upper hand. And then they said the same thing that Steve indirectly said……men win!!
You know what’s real funny. The marketing department at HarperCollins. The book’s publisher. They’re some real smart folk. Cause you gotta know that the women who ran out to buy this book, securing it on the bestseller’s list, are the good women that 90% of this book does not apply to. Yet, we still get hit in the crossfire. And blamed for “not doing our jobs”. Whatever that may be. As I was reading the book, chapter by chapter, I was checking off. Yep, yep, yep. Done that. Done that. And that too. What happens when the reader is the one who validates her man, passes the momma test, plays the HECK out the 90-day rule (and counting--lol), set the standards and requirements (and is highly respected and valued for it), minimizes communication at the appropriate times (during football season), shows loyalty, masters the play book, and finds a way to downplay her career to help boost his. But still finds herself “without the ring.” Um, did I miss a chapter in the book? Oh……it’ll be in the sequel? Oh, Steve has a multi-publishing deal. Oh, ok. Cause I knew I was missing something. Which takes me to my third point.
Um, the Spiritual part. Ok, if I was ever confused trying to write my notes and switch back from chapter to chapter it had to be the parts that highlighted Steve’s “relationship with the Lord.” He mentioned the patience of Job, and the fall of Eve. Literally a half of sentence for both. Other than that, where do I start this one…………. Ok, lets start with Steve’s top priorities of a good man: 1. God, 2. Wife/Family, 3. Education, 4. Business……. These “top priorities” are mentioned I believe in every chapter. But I’m confused. First cause in the acknowledgments section he acknowledge the Lord last. But in addition to that, if in fact he thinks that the Lord should be first, then it cancels every other chapter in this book. The Lord does not honor fornication, adultery, lying, cheating, and every other “game” we must know how to play in order to win the man. I think this is why my colleague was turned off. Actually it is why.
See, in Part 1--The Mindset of a Man, and Chapter 1---What Drives a Man, Steve expresses that “men are simple”. They’re driven by three basic principles: Who they are (making a name for themselves), what they do (making a career for themselves), and how much they make (ok, the dollar signs). Steve says that once a man accomplishes these three then he will be ready to settle down. I’m not arguing with this because it is a reality in our society. HOWEVER……..this is not/and should not be the principles of a man that puts God first. This is not a Godly man. And I ain’t saying that Steve ain’t a Godly man, but I’m just saying……
Can I be real this evening and reveal something. Thanks. Ok, [my friend] and I have had countless conversations about “us” and what he wants and what I want. We share a lot of the same goals and aspirations. He, like me, loves the Lord. But unlike me, he’s not ready to relinquish 100% of himself for God’s sole purpose--whatever that may be. And that means that we’re not fully on the same page. I mean, he KNOWS he has a call on his life. But because he’s not fully sure what the call is, or maybe he does know but doesn’t want to do it, he’s running. I mean, Spiritually running. Cause whenever the church doors open he’s there giving time and effort. But he realizes that works ain’t enough. He has to surrender all of himself. But he’s arrogant. And wants things his way.
So after reading Steve’s book it just really put a lot of things into perspective as to what [my friend] is really dealing with. Not that I didn’t believe or trust him, but just that a real man, who acknowledges God and wants to please his mate, is in serious warfare. And satan knows this. Its a major silent trick of the enemy. [My friend] is the epitome of that man mentioned in Chapter 1 of Steve’s book. He’s very career-driven. Corporate to the core. And no matter how much I tell him that the yellow-brick road to Emerald City ain’t all that its cracked up to be---just look at all the people returning with their heads down---the more he is adamant that its something he has to do. And so because he’s fully aware that seeking God is not the same as seeking Oz he‘s caught at a crossroad. It’s a decision between being led by the Spirit or being led by the flesh.
Which brings it back to me and him. Or me, I should say, and what I want. I accept my Spiritual authority that says……if he cannot commit to God 100% then he can’t commit to me 100%. And that’s where we are. And he knows very well how I feel. I don’t want a man that is not “ready” for God, cause that means he's not ready for me. And I’m am too old to be trying to push him to be ready. That ain’t my responsibility. So while I wholeheartedly understand what Steve is saying what drives a man…..bottomline---it ain’t making sense. At least not spiritually.
Can I say something…….I think both men and women give too much responsibility to each other. It’s like we’re requiring each other to be gods in our lives. I mean…….is it really our job to fulfill EVERY need in each other????? No, its not. Steve continuously mentions man as the "provider". And while I understand his point......GOD is the provider. Period. It’s so sad that the relationship standard is based on the fall of Adam and Eve. You know the control and deceit parts that put such a strong mandate on trust and loyalty today. But yet nobody wants to accept that Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from that burden. That means we need to go back to Genesis 2. The beginning. And understand what God’s intended purpose for man and woman is. And then we need to read Proverbs and the New Testament to get the true guidelines of being in a male/female relationship. Its all in the Word of God.
You know what the other funny part is about the book…….Steve rarely, if at all, talks about TRUE LOVE. Cause according to him......we got love wrong too. I mean, how can you talk about relationships and putting God first, but not talk about what it really means to L-O-V-E. And I mean, true Godly love.
[Deep Breath]. What more can I say. I mean, until men can stop using excuses and blaming everybody else for their inadequacies there will continue to be this major fall in our society. Yes, they want the Godly women with all the benefits---like the "rare" woman Steve married---but they don't want to accept the responsibilities of the true Godly man. And they know doggone well that if they really stepped to the plate we would fall under their authority with NO PROBLEM--keeping them in that leadership role they so desperately want. Cause that's what God requires us to do. And that's NEVER been our issue concerning men. Something's gotta give. Until then us women have to decide if we are going to trust God to deliver His promises or trust man and keep delivering to him. And I'm a little sick and tired of that role--lol. If we trust man then we should follow Steve’s book to the tee. But if we are gonna trust God…….then we have to rely on His Word, especially the scripture that says, and I quote………
"........no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." –Psalm 84:11
Before I close, can I reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with us single sistahs as society would have us to believe. If it is……then let God’s grace and mercy fix it. Shucks.
I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Good night.
Before I express my opinions, let me give you a brief overview of the book. In sum, according to Steve, men are who they are and us woman have to find a way to deal with them. Throughout the book, and especially at the end, Steve gives suggestions on how to deal with a man--lol. Basically, women are playing a major part in making men the “less-than-perfect“ creatures they are. So either we play our puppet role or we lose out. Every now and again he’ll mention that we need to up our standards and requirements like demand answers to important questions, but then he names a chapter…… “We Need to Talk and Other Words that Make Men Run for Cover”. Yes, in this chapter he basically tells women that we need to shut the heck up! YESSSSS…..it’s confusing and very contradicting. But it was a good book cause it shows, okay to be fair---from one man’s opinion---just how confused our men have become. But for me it’s confirmation!!! These same Steve-type men have crossed my lifetime. Oh, Lord….my prayers just went to a whole another level---lol.
Ok, as for my opinion……..
First, having a profession that focuses primarily on relationships (I manage a marriage enrichment program for the Feds) it always baffles me that out of all the marriage education curriculums and literature, I’m talking professional ones, there are only a handful that solely target Blacks. And of those…….NONE come from a Christian point-of-view. I mean, none that I’ve seen. None that are commercially circulated and certified on higher levels.
Over the last three years, since the start of the program, I’ve traveled all over the country attending marriage education conferences, observing relationship workshops, and monitoring our grantees who provide marriage education to their communities. And I’m amazed that the Black population is taught from either an adapted curriculum that focuses primarily on White families or rely on the watered-down version of marriage education taught by a lot of churches. And I say this not as a critic, but according to the facts. Several studies have revealed that “church-going” Christians divorce rate parallel that of all Americans. Um, and that’s at a 50% rate. What are the churches really teaching in their pre-marital classes. Who knows. But as a result of the limited information, we resort to being “educated” by the opinions of our public figures. The Steve Harveys. And I ain’t knocking him cause he has a right to his opinion, but I’m just saying………lol.
When I tell you that I am so passionate about marriage education in the Black community, you’ve GOT to believe me. Daily, I study the stats that come across my desk, and read countless articles and opinions by community and faith-based leaders. Analyze opinion polls and evaluations. Even hearing concerns from couples. It’s AMAZING what’s going on in relationship education from the political level to the household. And as a people…….we’re confused. Because on one hand we’re guided by society norms in our communities and on the other trying to follow the limited guidelines of the church.
Second, personally, not just the realities of Steve’s book……but the whole relationship situation is enough to throw your hands up if we rely on and accept the world‘s view. Just over the weekend I was having a conversation with my male cousins at a family event. They love to pick on me because I’m the only female of age in the family who is not on “official” relationship status. Meaning, I ain’t wearing a ring or announced a wedding date. And I keep them guessing which really ticks them off. I tells nothing. Oh, and I’m motherless. That plays a huge part in their opinions too. Anyway, so we’re sitting at the kitchen table talking and my cousins flat out told me……Jill, face it. All men cheat. Women outnumber men, and so men have the upper hand. And then they said the same thing that Steve indirectly said……men win!!
You know what’s real funny. The marketing department at HarperCollins. The book’s publisher. They’re some real smart folk. Cause you gotta know that the women who ran out to buy this book, securing it on the bestseller’s list, are the good women that 90% of this book does not apply to. Yet, we still get hit in the crossfire. And blamed for “not doing our jobs”. Whatever that may be. As I was reading the book, chapter by chapter, I was checking off. Yep, yep, yep. Done that. Done that. And that too. What happens when the reader is the one who validates her man, passes the momma test, plays the HECK out the 90-day rule (and counting--lol), set the standards and requirements (and is highly respected and valued for it), minimizes communication at the appropriate times (during football season), shows loyalty, masters the play book, and finds a way to downplay her career to help boost his. But still finds herself “without the ring.” Um, did I miss a chapter in the book? Oh……it’ll be in the sequel? Oh, Steve has a multi-publishing deal. Oh, ok. Cause I knew I was missing something. Which takes me to my third point.
Um, the Spiritual part. Ok, if I was ever confused trying to write my notes and switch back from chapter to chapter it had to be the parts that highlighted Steve’s “relationship with the Lord.” He mentioned the patience of Job, and the fall of Eve. Literally a half of sentence for both. Other than that, where do I start this one…………. Ok, lets start with Steve’s top priorities of a good man: 1. God, 2. Wife/Family, 3. Education, 4. Business……. These “top priorities” are mentioned I believe in every chapter. But I’m confused. First cause in the acknowledgments section he acknowledge the Lord last. But in addition to that, if in fact he thinks that the Lord should be first, then it cancels every other chapter in this book. The Lord does not honor fornication, adultery, lying, cheating, and every other “game” we must know how to play in order to win the man. I think this is why my colleague was turned off. Actually it is why.
See, in Part 1--The Mindset of a Man, and Chapter 1---What Drives a Man, Steve expresses that “men are simple”. They’re driven by three basic principles: Who they are (making a name for themselves), what they do (making a career for themselves), and how much they make (ok, the dollar signs). Steve says that once a man accomplishes these three then he will be ready to settle down. I’m not arguing with this because it is a reality in our society. HOWEVER……..this is not/and should not be the principles of a man that puts God first. This is not a Godly man. And I ain’t saying that Steve ain’t a Godly man, but I’m just saying……
Can I be real this evening and reveal something. Thanks. Ok, [my friend] and I have had countless conversations about “us” and what he wants and what I want. We share a lot of the same goals and aspirations. He, like me, loves the Lord. But unlike me, he’s not ready to relinquish 100% of himself for God’s sole purpose--whatever that may be. And that means that we’re not fully on the same page. I mean, he KNOWS he has a call on his life. But because he’s not fully sure what the call is, or maybe he does know but doesn’t want to do it, he’s running. I mean, Spiritually running. Cause whenever the church doors open he’s there giving time and effort. But he realizes that works ain’t enough. He has to surrender all of himself. But he’s arrogant. And wants things his way.
So after reading Steve’s book it just really put a lot of things into perspective as to what [my friend] is really dealing with. Not that I didn’t believe or trust him, but just that a real man, who acknowledges God and wants to please his mate, is in serious warfare. And satan knows this. Its a major silent trick of the enemy. [My friend] is the epitome of that man mentioned in Chapter 1 of Steve’s book. He’s very career-driven. Corporate to the core. And no matter how much I tell him that the yellow-brick road to Emerald City ain’t all that its cracked up to be---just look at all the people returning with their heads down---the more he is adamant that its something he has to do. And so because he’s fully aware that seeking God is not the same as seeking Oz he‘s caught at a crossroad. It’s a decision between being led by the Spirit or being led by the flesh.
Which brings it back to me and him. Or me, I should say, and what I want. I accept my Spiritual authority that says……if he cannot commit to God 100% then he can’t commit to me 100%. And that’s where we are. And he knows very well how I feel. I don’t want a man that is not “ready” for God, cause that means he's not ready for me. And I’m am too old to be trying to push him to be ready. That ain’t my responsibility. So while I wholeheartedly understand what Steve is saying what drives a man…..bottomline---it ain’t making sense. At least not spiritually.
Can I say something…….I think both men and women give too much responsibility to each other. It’s like we’re requiring each other to be gods in our lives. I mean…….is it really our job to fulfill EVERY need in each other????? No, its not. Steve continuously mentions man as the "provider". And while I understand his point......GOD is the provider. Period. It’s so sad that the relationship standard is based on the fall of Adam and Eve. You know the control and deceit parts that put such a strong mandate on trust and loyalty today. But yet nobody wants to accept that Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from that burden. That means we need to go back to Genesis 2. The beginning. And understand what God’s intended purpose for man and woman is. And then we need to read Proverbs and the New Testament to get the true guidelines of being in a male/female relationship. Its all in the Word of God.
You know what the other funny part is about the book…….Steve rarely, if at all, talks about TRUE LOVE. Cause according to him......we got love wrong too. I mean, how can you talk about relationships and putting God first, but not talk about what it really means to L-O-V-E. And I mean, true Godly love.
[Deep Breath]. What more can I say. I mean, until men can stop using excuses and blaming everybody else for their inadequacies there will continue to be this major fall in our society. Yes, they want the Godly women with all the benefits---like the "rare" woman Steve married---but they don't want to accept the responsibilities of the true Godly man. And they know doggone well that if they really stepped to the plate we would fall under their authority with NO PROBLEM--keeping them in that leadership role they so desperately want. Cause that's what God requires us to do. And that's NEVER been our issue concerning men. Something's gotta give. Until then us women have to decide if we are going to trust God to deliver His promises or trust man and keep delivering to him. And I'm a little sick and tired of that role--lol. If we trust man then we should follow Steve’s book to the tee. But if we are gonna trust God…….then we have to rely on His Word, especially the scripture that says, and I quote………
"........no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." –Psalm 84:11
Before I close, can I reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with us single sistahs as society would have us to believe. If it is……then let God’s grace and mercy fix it. Shucks.
I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Good night.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thank You.....again and again!
Wow. Some things are just unexplainable. But every now and again a revelation will come that just explains it all. This afternoon I got a little peek. Umm. Okay, I’m a little over-productive this week preparing for travel next week. Got a lot of church activities this weekend too, soooo……… It’s break time. I need a little breather. Time to express myself.
Okay, so if you’ve read my entry back in May 2008 entitled, If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It, then you’ll know that my all-time favorite expression is THANK YOU. I mean, I love “I Love You”, but that seems like a given. Probably because it’s often mis-used. But I love the expression---THANK YOU. It just says so much in so few little words. And my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (ok, Christmas tops the list too). But it’s funny that the songs that have thank you in them sends me in tears. Like Just Wanna Thank You by Frankie Beverly and Maze. And Thank You by Walter Hawkins.
Anyway, so Monday morning I woke up in pure thanksgiving mode. Don’t know why. I just started thanking the Lord just for being. Then the other night I was in prayer and I realized that the Lord had answered a huge request of mine. Something I had been praying for years. And just within the last two months or so it came to manifestation. Just when I least expected it. It just appeared. And so when I was in prayer I couldn’t get anything out other than…..thank you, Lord. I was just constantly thanking Him.
Last night, I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and she was giving me an update about a friend of hers who is dying of an incurable disease. My heart and prayers have been going out for her friend for I know the last two years or so. Actually, my heart hurts every time I think about her. Especially by her being such a young mother with such a zeal for life.
So I was talking to my girlfriend and she was telling me of an event she went to over the weekend with women who are going through the same illness as her friend, and how their drive and motivation for life, also, is sooo high. We both agreed that our little issues are NOTHING compared to what these women are experiencing. In fact, my girlfriend was telling me that we (she and I) have the control to change our “issue” from minute to minute but we’ve made it life threatening. Basically, I ain’t got a clue. When I got off the phone I went into major thanksgiving mode, again. I mean………I can’t even imagine living through a death sentence. At least that’s what the doctors are saying.
Okay, so today I got an email from another girlfriend. You know one of those mass circulation emails, but this one I decided to open. It was a link to all of Jet Magazines issues from the publication’s start. And so I decided to look up the issue that was distributed during the week of my birthday back in 1970. Yes, I read the entire issue. Some interesting stuff happened in congress…..guess that’s where I get my little political thirst from--lol. But what was the most interesting were the top 20 songs for that week. The week of my birth. Okay. These were the top songs for the February 19, 1970 issue:
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Black by Nina Simone
- It’s a New Day by James Brown
- A Dream Come True by Stevie Wonder
- Didn’t I Blow Your Mind by The Defonics
And guess what song was the #1 song for that week……….THANK YOU by Sly & the Family Stone. Umph. Makes you wonder.
Okay, so if you’ve read my entry back in May 2008 entitled, If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It, then you’ll know that my all-time favorite expression is THANK YOU. I mean, I love “I Love You”, but that seems like a given. Probably because it’s often mis-used. But I love the expression---THANK YOU. It just says so much in so few little words. And my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (ok, Christmas tops the list too). But it’s funny that the songs that have thank you in them sends me in tears. Like Just Wanna Thank You by Frankie Beverly and Maze. And Thank You by Walter Hawkins.
Anyway, so Monday morning I woke up in pure thanksgiving mode. Don’t know why. I just started thanking the Lord just for being. Then the other night I was in prayer and I realized that the Lord had answered a huge request of mine. Something I had been praying for years. And just within the last two months or so it came to manifestation. Just when I least expected it. It just appeared. And so when I was in prayer I couldn’t get anything out other than…..thank you, Lord. I was just constantly thanking Him.
Last night, I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and she was giving me an update about a friend of hers who is dying of an incurable disease. My heart and prayers have been going out for her friend for I know the last two years or so. Actually, my heart hurts every time I think about her. Especially by her being such a young mother with such a zeal for life.
So I was talking to my girlfriend and she was telling me of an event she went to over the weekend with women who are going through the same illness as her friend, and how their drive and motivation for life, also, is sooo high. We both agreed that our little issues are NOTHING compared to what these women are experiencing. In fact, my girlfriend was telling me that we (she and I) have the control to change our “issue” from minute to minute but we’ve made it life threatening. Basically, I ain’t got a clue. When I got off the phone I went into major thanksgiving mode, again. I mean………I can’t even imagine living through a death sentence. At least that’s what the doctors are saying.
Okay, so today I got an email from another girlfriend. You know one of those mass circulation emails, but this one I decided to open. It was a link to all of Jet Magazines issues from the publication’s start. And so I decided to look up the issue that was distributed during the week of my birthday back in 1970. Yes, I read the entire issue. Some interesting stuff happened in congress…..guess that’s where I get my little political thirst from--lol. But what was the most interesting were the top 20 songs for that week. The week of my birth. Okay. These were the top songs for the February 19, 1970 issue:
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Black by Nina Simone
- It’s a New Day by James Brown
- A Dream Come True by Stevie Wonder
- Didn’t I Blow Your Mind by The Defonics
And guess what song was the #1 song for that week……….THANK YOU by Sly & the Family Stone. Umph. Makes you wonder.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sleepwalking
Good Morning. Or afternoon. Or whatever time of day it is. I don’t know……I’m sleep walking---lol. Didn’t want to get out the bed this morning. But I’m here. And I got something on my mind today. Can I be open on this rainy Friday???? Thanks.
Can I just say that I’m getting a little sick and tired of hearing folk say stuff like…….what God has for me is for me. Or……if it’s meant to be it will be. Or…..if God said its mine then its mine! I ain’t knocking the true believers, but why do “some of us” continue to get caught up in half truths only to end up disappointed and confused, like God didn’t come through as He promised.
Okay, let me say this first…….if, and that’s IF, God spoke, whether through a vision, dream, prophecy, audible voice….whatever…..if God indeed promised you something then He will hold to His part. That’s the TRUTH. Cause it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie. But I think what we fail to accept, or understand, is that in order for us to receive God’s promises we have to walk in His will for the promises to be manifested. Many, many prophesies and visions are aborted due to us not following the authority of God. PERIOD.
It is so important to trust God and walk according to His plan if we want to enjoy and receive His fullness for our lives. When we start doing things our way without considering and consulting the Lord then that’s when we’re opened to a lot of unnecessary drama and derailment. And I mean, I gotta be honest……sometimes I’m like why is the Lord allowing me to go through this mess. But then I have to go back and see where I was out of His will. Where I did things on my terms, going behind His back---so I think---relying on my own selfish motives. The sad part is that 95% of the time we know when we’re walking out of God’s will. Yes, we know---lol.
Like for instance…….ok, I’ma be real frank today cause I heard something that rubbed me the wrong way this week. And it just so happens that it’s fitting into this entry. Ok, so I have this “friend” who has been married to her husband for 15 years. They have three beautiful children together. Her husband is a “minister”. Over the last 3 or 4 years, her husband has been cheating on her. Ok, I think that’s just when he started to be less discreet about it. Anyway…..the husband recently met "the one" and wants out of the marriage with my friend. Apparently, dude met a young lady, also a “minister” in another state, who's been rocking his world---mind, body, and soul (lol). They both believe that God meant for them to be husband and wife, not his current wife. My friend, apparently, is used to this. But what recently sent her over is that she heard him on the phone telling the mistress that when he gets [there] next week he will be taking [her] shopping.
Uuuukay, where in the heck do I start????? Let me just first say that the other woman is an entry in itself. So I’ll digress from her. As for the husband, ain’t a whole lot to this one………..HE DONE GOT PUNKED BY SATAN......AND SO DID HIS MISTRESS!!!! They both got the keys to the beep beep bus, as my sister says---lolol. If in deed my friend does agree to grant her husband the divorce and dude does get married to this other woman………well I ain’t saying that they won’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship and won’t make it into heaven, cause I can’t judge. But what I will say is……..I’d hate to be anywhere near them when the wrath of God comes down. Lol.
When we go off the deep end into selfishness, but find ourselves still benefiting from the promises of God…..oh don’t think it’s because our beep beep bus is trotting on the yellow brick road of self life and the Lord is driving. NO. That’s us driving. The Lord is the One who sends the tow truck to pick-up the beep beep bus from the wreck. And the One who sends the ambulance to rescue our emotions and feelings from being destroyed. Yes, from that same bright yellow brick road that we just had to go down. It’s on that same road that the Lord kept signaling those red flags.
You know what the real funny part is.........when the situation gets so bad and we start getting confused saying stuff like…….this was God’s plan. Or God allowed me to go through this. We need to stop giving God the credit for the foolishness and negative outcomes in our lives. God gets the glory because He continuously saves us from our bad decisions and choices. It’s only because of God’s grace and mercy that keeps the blessings coming even though we mess up. That’s why we gotta keep thanking Him because we can mess up a life easily. Some of us been saved from damnation when we know we deserve it. And I know too many who weren't so blessed. Yep, died right in their mess. Ooooh, thank you Lord!!! Talk about favor.
That’s like with the children of Israel. A trip that could have taken 11 days, took 40 years. Cause they took matters into their own hands and started worshipping out of self motives. And yeah, some might say that they did eventually get to the Promised Land as God promised, but what about the folk who perished on the way. There’s a huge difference between days and years. For many that was a lifetime. Yes, forty years is a loooong time. Ask me how I know. Whew, I ain’t got that kinda time to be out of God's will---lol.
See, God will not override self-will. God gives us choice, either His will or our will. I stress this a lot in my entries. The Lord says…..choose MY will (life), but he gives us freewill to choose. And when we choose our own will then we are walking on shaky ground. You know what……bottomline is that a lot of us don’t truly trust God to deliver us the best life. That’s why we try to do it ourselves. I’m learning though. He got my back and makes the best decisions for me cause my decisions suck! The Lord says clearly, no good thing will I withhold from you. And I firmly believe that. Been my motto for at least the last year. But there’s more to it.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. –Psalm 84:11
I’m just sitting her thinking about my “friend”. She’s such a sweet girl and my heart goes out to her. I think I really feel for the situation because I was honored to play a major role in their wedding years ago. One of the most beautiful brides I’ve ever seen. Faithful isn’t the word to describe her. She’s that and then some. But I can’t help thinking…….was their marriage God’s will. I mean, was it His perfect will or His permissive will? Back then she and her husband appeared to be diligent seekers of God and so I can’t imagine that they didn’t seek the Lord about marrying. I don’t know. I’d like to believe that it was God’s will for them to be husband and wife. And God’s will for marriage ain’t temporary because love never fails. It's so sad. Marriage in America. I don’t know. Obviously, the husband is looking through a different pair of specks. He and his minister mistress. Umph, what a choice.
Then I heard another voice from heaven say: “Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; for her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.
Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Mix her a double portion from her own cup. Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself. In her heart she boasts, ‘I sit as queen; I am not a widow, and I will never mourn.’ Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her: death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.
“When the kings of the earth who committed adultery with her and shared her luxury see the smoke of her burning, they will weep and mourn over her. Terrified at her torment, they will stand far off and cry: “’Woe! Woe, O great city, O Babylon, city of power! In one hour your doom has come!’ --Revelation 18:4-10
Can I just say that I’m getting a little sick and tired of hearing folk say stuff like…….what God has for me is for me. Or……if it’s meant to be it will be. Or…..if God said its mine then its mine! I ain’t knocking the true believers, but why do “some of us” continue to get caught up in half truths only to end up disappointed and confused, like God didn’t come through as He promised.
Okay, let me say this first…….if, and that’s IF, God spoke, whether through a vision, dream, prophecy, audible voice….whatever…..if God indeed promised you something then He will hold to His part. That’s the TRUTH. Cause it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie. But I think what we fail to accept, or understand, is that in order for us to receive God’s promises we have to walk in His will for the promises to be manifested. Many, many prophesies and visions are aborted due to us not following the authority of God. PERIOD.
It is so important to trust God and walk according to His plan if we want to enjoy and receive His fullness for our lives. When we start doing things our way without considering and consulting the Lord then that’s when we’re opened to a lot of unnecessary drama and derailment. And I mean, I gotta be honest……sometimes I’m like why is the Lord allowing me to go through this mess. But then I have to go back and see where I was out of His will. Where I did things on my terms, going behind His back---so I think---relying on my own selfish motives. The sad part is that 95% of the time we know when we’re walking out of God’s will. Yes, we know---lol.
Like for instance…….ok, I’ma be real frank today cause I heard something that rubbed me the wrong way this week. And it just so happens that it’s fitting into this entry. Ok, so I have this “friend” who has been married to her husband for 15 years. They have three beautiful children together. Her husband is a “minister”. Over the last 3 or 4 years, her husband has been cheating on her. Ok, I think that’s just when he started to be less discreet about it. Anyway…..the husband recently met "the one" and wants out of the marriage with my friend. Apparently, dude met a young lady, also a “minister” in another state, who's been rocking his world---mind, body, and soul (lol). They both believe that God meant for them to be husband and wife, not his current wife. My friend, apparently, is used to this. But what recently sent her over is that she heard him on the phone telling the mistress that when he gets [there] next week he will be taking [her] shopping.
Uuuukay, where in the heck do I start????? Let me just first say that the other woman is an entry in itself. So I’ll digress from her. As for the husband, ain’t a whole lot to this one………..HE DONE GOT PUNKED BY SATAN......AND SO DID HIS MISTRESS!!!! They both got the keys to the beep beep bus, as my sister says---lolol. If in deed my friend does agree to grant her husband the divorce and dude does get married to this other woman………well I ain’t saying that they won’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship and won’t make it into heaven, cause I can’t judge. But what I will say is……..I’d hate to be anywhere near them when the wrath of God comes down. Lol.
When we go off the deep end into selfishness, but find ourselves still benefiting from the promises of God…..oh don’t think it’s because our beep beep bus is trotting on the yellow brick road of self life and the Lord is driving. NO. That’s us driving. The Lord is the One who sends the tow truck to pick-up the beep beep bus from the wreck. And the One who sends the ambulance to rescue our emotions and feelings from being destroyed. Yes, from that same bright yellow brick road that we just had to go down. It’s on that same road that the Lord kept signaling those red flags.
You know what the real funny part is.........when the situation gets so bad and we start getting confused saying stuff like…….this was God’s plan. Or God allowed me to go through this. We need to stop giving God the credit for the foolishness and negative outcomes in our lives. God gets the glory because He continuously saves us from our bad decisions and choices. It’s only because of God’s grace and mercy that keeps the blessings coming even though we mess up. That’s why we gotta keep thanking Him because we can mess up a life easily. Some of us been saved from damnation when we know we deserve it. And I know too many who weren't so blessed. Yep, died right in their mess. Ooooh, thank you Lord!!! Talk about favor.
That’s like with the children of Israel. A trip that could have taken 11 days, took 40 years. Cause they took matters into their own hands and started worshipping out of self motives. And yeah, some might say that they did eventually get to the Promised Land as God promised, but what about the folk who perished on the way. There’s a huge difference between days and years. For many that was a lifetime. Yes, forty years is a loooong time. Ask me how I know. Whew, I ain’t got that kinda time to be out of God's will---lol.
See, God will not override self-will. God gives us choice, either His will or our will. I stress this a lot in my entries. The Lord says…..choose MY will (life), but he gives us freewill to choose. And when we choose our own will then we are walking on shaky ground. You know what……bottomline is that a lot of us don’t truly trust God to deliver us the best life. That’s why we try to do it ourselves. I’m learning though. He got my back and makes the best decisions for me cause my decisions suck! The Lord says clearly, no good thing will I withhold from you. And I firmly believe that. Been my motto for at least the last year. But there’s more to it.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. –Psalm 84:11
I’m just sitting her thinking about my “friend”. She’s such a sweet girl and my heart goes out to her. I think I really feel for the situation because I was honored to play a major role in their wedding years ago. One of the most beautiful brides I’ve ever seen. Faithful isn’t the word to describe her. She’s that and then some. But I can’t help thinking…….was their marriage God’s will. I mean, was it His perfect will or His permissive will? Back then she and her husband appeared to be diligent seekers of God and so I can’t imagine that they didn’t seek the Lord about marrying. I don’t know. I’d like to believe that it was God’s will for them to be husband and wife. And God’s will for marriage ain’t temporary because love never fails. It's so sad. Marriage in America. I don’t know. Obviously, the husband is looking through a different pair of specks. He and his minister mistress. Umph, what a choice.
Then I heard another voice from heaven say: “Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; for her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.
Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Mix her a double portion from her own cup. Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself. In her heart she boasts, ‘I sit as queen; I am not a widow, and I will never mourn.’ Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her: death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.
“When the kings of the earth who committed adultery with her and shared her luxury see the smoke of her burning, they will weep and mourn over her. Terrified at her torment, they will stand far off and cry: “’Woe! Woe, O great city, O Babylon, city of power! In one hour your doom has come!’ --Revelation 18:4-10
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Just Friends
Ok, so I just received an invitation to a private social, “just close friends” the invite read, from a former girlfriend. I shouldn’t say former because we actually resolved our differences about a month ago. It’s probably the hardest thing I was tasked to do thus far this year. That darn pride thing always gets in the way. Or at least it tried to.
Actually, I know it was nobody but the Lord who prompted me to go to her and ask for forgiveness. Because for so long I felt she was the one who should have come to me. If I can remember, she did the ultimate betrayal, divulged my confidential business to the wrong person. She disagreed. Whatever the truth……I blasted her out. Okay, gotta be honest here----I cussed her out and dared her to look at me the wrong way. I do remember that part--lol. But hold on……..that was about two years ago. Or maybe it wasn’t. Whenever it was…..I repented since then. I can truly say that I hold no resentment in my hurt towards her. And I'd admit it if I did--lol.
For a long time I did have a lot of resentment towards her. But I had held a grudge long enough. If you don’t know me, I can be the queen of grudge. Ain’t proud about it---just being honest. I do confront my issues, though. Pray for me in that area. Actually, I’ve gotten much better. I’m learning to not just do the “out-of-site-out-of-mind” thing……you know that act in which we Christians try to justify with the scripture, “resist the devil and he will flee”. Yeah, I wore that one out--lol. Now I’m learning how to truly forgive. And I've forgiven her.
When I went to my girlfriend to resolve the issue she started crying. She said that she had been praying and praying that we’d be friends again. I felt her sincerity. And accept that she’s a work-in-progress. She’s a true believer. She loves and fears the Lord and for me that’s good enough. Cause the Lord is working on yours truly as well. But gotta be honest, it’s a little weird getting back in the swing of things with her. We haven’t had any catch-up time yet and I’m kinda avoiding it. Ugh. Just don’t know what to say. Maybe I will go to her social event. It’s at her house. I’m comfortable there.
Okay, so I was watching the Real Housewives of New York late the other night and was tripping out on all the cattiness. It’s so funny. I mean, these 40+ year old women fight over any and every little thing. They’ll fight over telling each other about a fight they had with another friend. It’s crazy. And then they call themselves “friends”. But I think they fight more than they friend. Okay, that’s what reality television wants us to see. The drama. I get it. But then I just started watching Harlem Heights. Other than the superficial image the sistahs portray, I like the show because these young folks are working their careers. I like that. But they fight just as bad. The girls AND the guys. One thing is for sure and two things for certain……cattiness ain’t subject to race, age, gender, or social class. You know what the funny thing is, they all say the same thing…… "I don't do drama" and "this is sooo high school".
Ok, is it just me…..but I didn’t go through girlfriend drama in high school. In fact, I still associate with three of my high school girlfriends. One in particular…….she and I have NEVER had an argument. Probably the only one---lol. But she and I talk at least every month and value our friendship to the utmost. It wasn’t until I got older that the pettiness started. You know what I think……..I think it’s because we’re all growing into ourselves and sometimes we clash. We all have opinions---in which we are entitled to---and sometimes we can misinterpret intentions. Maybe that’s it. Maybe its not. I don’t know.
I do know for me…..I think I use to try to make my girlfriends fit into every area of my life. And when they didn’t or couldn’t, I felt I couldn’t fully relate. And so I pushed them to arms distance. And the girlfriend who was the closest to me was the one who hurt me the most. I think the role was just too much for her to bear. And vice versa. Gotta be honest……we can’t make people our God cause He ain’t having that. I repent, Lord. Lolol.
I’m learning differently now. The girlfriend that I spend the most time on the phone with is not the girlfriend who will critique my business plan. And the girlfriend who I can spill all the “significant other” news to is not the one I can call on first to pray with me. And the girlfriend who will help pick out my wedding dress is not the one who will be my child’s Godmother. I now know the difference between my girlfriends, and I accept it.
And YES, they all can work a nervy at times. Some more than others—lol. But I ain’t comparing cause the Lord put them in my life for His purpose. Not just for a “reason, season, or a lifetime” as some of us have resolved to thinking from the popular email. True friendship jumps over the hurdles and is not measured by time or subject to dump threats. In fact, I think that popular saying refers to “people”, not friendship. But we have dumped friendship in there too. Umph. Lord, I repent. Cause I’m guilty of that. But one thing I value about my girlfriends, and the one thing they all have in common, is they ALL have a personal relationship with the Lord. That’s what sustains us. Nothing or nobody else, but GOD.
You know what…….. EVERY friendship will experience hurt. EVERY friendship will disagree. EVERY friendship will go through misunderstandings and misinterpretations and miscommunication. EVERY friendship will be tested. EVERY friendship will go through its dry season. And EVERY friendship will fight. Deal with it. Bottomline.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Actually, I know it was nobody but the Lord who prompted me to go to her and ask for forgiveness. Because for so long I felt she was the one who should have come to me. If I can remember, she did the ultimate betrayal, divulged my confidential business to the wrong person. She disagreed. Whatever the truth……I blasted her out. Okay, gotta be honest here----I cussed her out and dared her to look at me the wrong way. I do remember that part--lol. But hold on……..that was about two years ago. Or maybe it wasn’t. Whenever it was…..I repented since then. I can truly say that I hold no resentment in my hurt towards her. And I'd admit it if I did--lol.
For a long time I did have a lot of resentment towards her. But I had held a grudge long enough. If you don’t know me, I can be the queen of grudge. Ain’t proud about it---just being honest. I do confront my issues, though. Pray for me in that area. Actually, I’ve gotten much better. I’m learning to not just do the “out-of-site-out-of-mind” thing……you know that act in which we Christians try to justify with the scripture, “resist the devil and he will flee”. Yeah, I wore that one out--lol. Now I’m learning how to truly forgive. And I've forgiven her.
When I went to my girlfriend to resolve the issue she started crying. She said that she had been praying and praying that we’d be friends again. I felt her sincerity. And accept that she’s a work-in-progress. She’s a true believer. She loves and fears the Lord and for me that’s good enough. Cause the Lord is working on yours truly as well. But gotta be honest, it’s a little weird getting back in the swing of things with her. We haven’t had any catch-up time yet and I’m kinda avoiding it. Ugh. Just don’t know what to say. Maybe I will go to her social event. It’s at her house. I’m comfortable there.
Okay, so I was watching the Real Housewives of New York late the other night and was tripping out on all the cattiness. It’s so funny. I mean, these 40+ year old women fight over any and every little thing. They’ll fight over telling each other about a fight they had with another friend. It’s crazy. And then they call themselves “friends”. But I think they fight more than they friend. Okay, that’s what reality television wants us to see. The drama. I get it. But then I just started watching Harlem Heights. Other than the superficial image the sistahs portray, I like the show because these young folks are working their careers. I like that. But they fight just as bad. The girls AND the guys. One thing is for sure and two things for certain……cattiness ain’t subject to race, age, gender, or social class. You know what the funny thing is, they all say the same thing…… "I don't do drama" and "this is sooo high school".
Ok, is it just me…..but I didn’t go through girlfriend drama in high school. In fact, I still associate with three of my high school girlfriends. One in particular…….she and I have NEVER had an argument. Probably the only one---lol. But she and I talk at least every month and value our friendship to the utmost. It wasn’t until I got older that the pettiness started. You know what I think……..I think it’s because we’re all growing into ourselves and sometimes we clash. We all have opinions---in which we are entitled to---and sometimes we can misinterpret intentions. Maybe that’s it. Maybe its not. I don’t know.
I do know for me…..I think I use to try to make my girlfriends fit into every area of my life. And when they didn’t or couldn’t, I felt I couldn’t fully relate. And so I pushed them to arms distance. And the girlfriend who was the closest to me was the one who hurt me the most. I think the role was just too much for her to bear. And vice versa. Gotta be honest……we can’t make people our God cause He ain’t having that. I repent, Lord. Lolol.
I’m learning differently now. The girlfriend that I spend the most time on the phone with is not the girlfriend who will critique my business plan. And the girlfriend who I can spill all the “significant other” news to is not the one I can call on first to pray with me. And the girlfriend who will help pick out my wedding dress is not the one who will be my child’s Godmother. I now know the difference between my girlfriends, and I accept it.
And YES, they all can work a nervy at times. Some more than others—lol. But I ain’t comparing cause the Lord put them in my life for His purpose. Not just for a “reason, season, or a lifetime” as some of us have resolved to thinking from the popular email. True friendship jumps over the hurdles and is not measured by time or subject to dump threats. In fact, I think that popular saying refers to “people”, not friendship. But we have dumped friendship in there too. Umph. Lord, I repent. Cause I’m guilty of that. But one thing I value about my girlfriends, and the one thing they all have in common, is they ALL have a personal relationship with the Lord. That’s what sustains us. Nothing or nobody else, but GOD.
You know what…….. EVERY friendship will experience hurt. EVERY friendship will disagree. EVERY friendship will go through misunderstandings and misinterpretations and miscommunication. EVERY friendship will be tested. EVERY friendship will go through its dry season. And EVERY friendship will fight. Deal with it. Bottomline.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Out of My Mind!
What in the world was I thinking. My girlfriend---REINA, yes I’m calling you out girl lol---talked me into forfeiting my gym to go to her gym to take a Total Body Conditioning class tonight. I should have took the hint when we got blocked in the garage for twenty minutes, stuck in traffic, entering into the class fifteen minutes late. Why didn’t I take the hint. LOLOL.
I should have known it was a beast when I saw the instructor. A very flexible dude who probably wears a size negative zero. And probably a good 90lbs wet. But I proceeded. Following that darn, Reina--lol. Usually when classes work you, you don’t feel it until the next day. I felt it as soon as the class dismissed. It’s bad when the gym has an elevator and you want to take it one floor up. But pride wouldn’t let me. So I climbed the stairs with my girl as best I could--lol. Then the instructor had the nerve to ask us to come to his spin class tomorrow. I wanted to say……dude I may not be going to work the rest of the week fooling with you.
I don’t even know how I got home. All I know was that I was drying my hair and lost my balance. My legs gave out. Almost electrocuted myself. What in the world did dude do to me. I mean, I saw him trying to put us in positions that looked like a game of jacks. Can’t explain it, but take my word. Dude’s limbs look like they were pointing in every direction---north, east, south, and west. All at the same time. But we hung in there with him. Umph. Maybe I’ll go back next week. I said maybe.
Now I feel obligated to answer this face book thingy. Still ain’t used to this. And still don’t like the fact that it broadcasts my business. Anywho……….I’m going to bed. My hair hurts.
I should have known it was a beast when I saw the instructor. A very flexible dude who probably wears a size negative zero. And probably a good 90lbs wet. But I proceeded. Following that darn, Reina--lol. Usually when classes work you, you don’t feel it until the next day. I felt it as soon as the class dismissed. It’s bad when the gym has an elevator and you want to take it one floor up. But pride wouldn’t let me. So I climbed the stairs with my girl as best I could--lol. Then the instructor had the nerve to ask us to come to his spin class tomorrow. I wanted to say……dude I may not be going to work the rest of the week fooling with you.
I don’t even know how I got home. All I know was that I was drying my hair and lost my balance. My legs gave out. Almost electrocuted myself. What in the world did dude do to me. I mean, I saw him trying to put us in positions that looked like a game of jacks. Can’t explain it, but take my word. Dude’s limbs look like they were pointing in every direction---north, east, south, and west. All at the same time. But we hung in there with him. Umph. Maybe I’ll go back next week. I said maybe.
Now I feel obligated to answer this face book thingy. Still ain’t used to this. And still don’t like the fact that it broadcasts my business. Anywho……….I’m going to bed. My hair hurts.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Prophecy
Umph, umph, umph. The Lord be trippin me out!!! LOLOL. When I asked Him to take me deeper back at the start of this year, I had no idea it would be this deep. And just to think that this year is really just getting started……wow!! This is another where-do-I-begin entry. I had an awesome week/end. You know me....I won’t give up details but I do feel the need to share an interesting thing that happened today. Can I just say that I am happy. Not because of ANYBODY in particular, but just because the Lord is faithful. He’s literally mind blowing. When you think He’s coming one way, you look up and He’s showing up in a whole different way. I guess that’s the awesomeness of faith. Just trusting and believing GOD beyond what your eyes and ears say.
Okay, so you know how my month started……all hell broke loose. I guess I’m trippin out because the way “March Madness” began is not indication of how its ending. In fact, it just doesn’t make sense. And you know how I feel about things that don’t make sense to my understanding…….it means that God is fully in control.
So about three weeks ago, when my heart was hurting some kinda bad, I turned on DayStar TV and Kurt Carr was the special guest. Never really been a Kurt Carr fan nor have I bought any of his music---maybe one CD back in the day, but I never underestimated his ministry. So Kurt was on DayStar and his singers started singing a song and immediately I was frozen. The song blew me away. I mean, I was floored. The funny thing is that the lyrics of the song was contrary to my situation at the time. Here I was hurting from what I felt was an end, and Kurt Carr was singing about a beginning. I mean, it would have been best for me to pull out a Mary J. or Phyllis Hyman song, but where the Lord had me was where He wanted me. When I’m going through I don’t budge from God’s presence.
So I’m listening to the song and in the song Kurt also sings about accepting a prophecy and holding on to a dream. I understood the dream part because the dream I had five years ago is unfolding piece by piece. But the prophecy…..well I had a few in the last few years, but none that stopped me in my tracks. Nevertheless, I know the song was/is for me. I mean, my Spirit has been jumping for joy. Usually when I hear a song that blows me away I immediately take it all in, but then I call my sister Schley. She gets me. She totally understands the power of God through Gospel music. Though younger, she just gets it.
Okay, so I’m riding home this afternoon just thanking God for His goodness and mercy, and just for being happy in Him and I receive a call. It was from well-respected woman at the church I’m attending my Saturday class. I figured she called cause I ducked out of class yesterday and she probably wondered where I was, but that wasn’t the reason. She said she wanted to tell me something from the Lord, a prophecy. So I braced myself cause the last five days have been…………………OMG!!!!
Now keep in mind…..this woman knows NOTHING about me or my personal life. Or my life period. Okay, she knows that I am visiting the church, taking the Saturday classes with my sister, mother, and two girlfriends, but that’s it. Since I’ve been attending the classes, this woman has been such a blessing to me. The God in her is contagious. She’s an older woman, not that older, but old enough to be my big sister or perhaps even my mother. And she has so much wisdom. Anyway…..she calls me at the right time. So I’m riding home and this is the prophecy she gives me:
I see a road, a journey you’re on. And the Lord is on it with you. He says that He is in love with you and that He’s with you on this journey. It’s the right journey. Jill, He loves you so much. But your road is getting ready to turn. It’s curving towards the right. God is with you. And He is giving you so much joy. The joy is increasing. It’s joy unspeakable. It’s everlasting joy. You’re so joyful. You’re SOLD OUT for Him.
Okay, after hearing what she said I was speechless. Cause I knew exactly what she was saying and I received it. Cause I know how prophecy works, unlike a fortuneteller who relies on familiar spirits, when a word comes from the true and living God it is confirmation to what the believer already knows. And everything she said is what’s in my Spirit. It’s what I’m feeling. I remember back in September 2007 when I heard from the Lord and decided to commit to this journey. Didn’t know where it would lead, but because I trust God with my life I jumped on.
As the days progress, I see only the part of this journey where my feet are. I am literally relying on the Lord for each step I take. Don’t know where the next one will lead. I guess I’m real confident now cause it feels like I’m skipping. So much peace. I’m happy. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I’m skipping down a really bright and colorful road. I call it candy land. You know the child board game where you don’t need to know how to count or read, just move. Yeah, that’s me. And nothing or nobody can knock me off. So when she ended with “SOLD OUT” I knew what she meant.
(Deep breath) So I’m riding home, thinking, taking every thing in and the “situation” pops in my head. Call me crazy, cause though the situation looks one way, my Spirit says something else. God has the final answer. And so I decided to pop my new Kurt Carr CD in and hit track #9 and these are the lyrics to the song that I think the Lord made Kurt write just for me.
Just the Begininng
Just the beginning there’s so much more God has in store
Just the beginning its not the end its just the overture
Just the beginning I know you’re blessed
But you still haven’t seen God’s best…..not yet
I already know God’s been good to you
I already know God’s been faithful to you
I already know He’s done some incredible things
But I declare and I decree I prophesy with authority
YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR BEST DAYS YET, YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR GREATEST VICTORY YET, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING………yes, yes…..do you receive the prophecy
Just the beginning in your heart you know what God has promised you
Just the beginning never compromise or settle for less than you’re due
Just the beginning I know you’re blessed
But you still haven’t seen God’s best…..not yet
Eyes haven’t seen the things God’s planned for you
And ears haven’t heard the things He’s promised just for you
And neither has it entered into the hearts of man
All of the good things He has in store for you….there’s so much more
Do you receive the prophecy, hold on to your dream, be steadfast to your vision cause it shall come to past. It’s just the beginning and don’t quit cause He who has begun a good work is faithful to complete.
Do you receive the prophecy…..yes, yes…..do you receive the prophecy……yes, yes…this is just the beginning.
The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. --Deuteronomy 2:7
When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and cut off all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. ----Deuteronomy 25:18
Okay, so you know how my month started……all hell broke loose. I guess I’m trippin out because the way “March Madness” began is not indication of how its ending. In fact, it just doesn’t make sense. And you know how I feel about things that don’t make sense to my understanding…….it means that God is fully in control.
So about three weeks ago, when my heart was hurting some kinda bad, I turned on DayStar TV and Kurt Carr was the special guest. Never really been a Kurt Carr fan nor have I bought any of his music---maybe one CD back in the day, but I never underestimated his ministry. So Kurt was on DayStar and his singers started singing a song and immediately I was frozen. The song blew me away. I mean, I was floored. The funny thing is that the lyrics of the song was contrary to my situation at the time. Here I was hurting from what I felt was an end, and Kurt Carr was singing about a beginning. I mean, it would have been best for me to pull out a Mary J. or Phyllis Hyman song, but where the Lord had me was where He wanted me. When I’m going through I don’t budge from God’s presence.
So I’m listening to the song and in the song Kurt also sings about accepting a prophecy and holding on to a dream. I understood the dream part because the dream I had five years ago is unfolding piece by piece. But the prophecy…..well I had a few in the last few years, but none that stopped me in my tracks. Nevertheless, I know the song was/is for me. I mean, my Spirit has been jumping for joy. Usually when I hear a song that blows me away I immediately take it all in, but then I call my sister Schley. She gets me. She totally understands the power of God through Gospel music. Though younger, she just gets it.
Okay, so I’m riding home this afternoon just thanking God for His goodness and mercy, and just for being happy in Him and I receive a call. It was from well-respected woman at the church I’m attending my Saturday class. I figured she called cause I ducked out of class yesterday and she probably wondered where I was, but that wasn’t the reason. She said she wanted to tell me something from the Lord, a prophecy. So I braced myself cause the last five days have been…………………OMG!!!!
Now keep in mind…..this woman knows NOTHING about me or my personal life. Or my life period. Okay, she knows that I am visiting the church, taking the Saturday classes with my sister, mother, and two girlfriends, but that’s it. Since I’ve been attending the classes, this woman has been such a blessing to me. The God in her is contagious. She’s an older woman, not that older, but old enough to be my big sister or perhaps even my mother. And she has so much wisdom. Anyway…..she calls me at the right time. So I’m riding home and this is the prophecy she gives me:
I see a road, a journey you’re on. And the Lord is on it with you. He says that He is in love with you and that He’s with you on this journey. It’s the right journey. Jill, He loves you so much. But your road is getting ready to turn. It’s curving towards the right. God is with you. And He is giving you so much joy. The joy is increasing. It’s joy unspeakable. It’s everlasting joy. You’re so joyful. You’re SOLD OUT for Him.
Okay, after hearing what she said I was speechless. Cause I knew exactly what she was saying and I received it. Cause I know how prophecy works, unlike a fortuneteller who relies on familiar spirits, when a word comes from the true and living God it is confirmation to what the believer already knows. And everything she said is what’s in my Spirit. It’s what I’m feeling. I remember back in September 2007 when I heard from the Lord and decided to commit to this journey. Didn’t know where it would lead, but because I trust God with my life I jumped on.
As the days progress, I see only the part of this journey where my feet are. I am literally relying on the Lord for each step I take. Don’t know where the next one will lead. I guess I’m real confident now cause it feels like I’m skipping. So much peace. I’m happy. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I’m skipping down a really bright and colorful road. I call it candy land. You know the child board game where you don’t need to know how to count or read, just move. Yeah, that’s me. And nothing or nobody can knock me off. So when she ended with “SOLD OUT” I knew what she meant.
(Deep breath) So I’m riding home, thinking, taking every thing in and the “situation” pops in my head. Call me crazy, cause though the situation looks one way, my Spirit says something else. God has the final answer. And so I decided to pop my new Kurt Carr CD in and hit track #9 and these are the lyrics to the song that I think the Lord made Kurt write just for me.
Just the Begininng
Just the beginning there’s so much more God has in store
Just the beginning its not the end its just the overture
Just the beginning I know you’re blessed
But you still haven’t seen God’s best…..not yet
I already know God’s been good to you
I already know God’s been faithful to you
I already know He’s done some incredible things
But I declare and I decree I prophesy with authority
YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR BEST DAYS YET, YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR GREATEST VICTORY YET, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING………yes, yes…..do you receive the prophecy
Just the beginning in your heart you know what God has promised you
Just the beginning never compromise or settle for less than you’re due
Just the beginning I know you’re blessed
But you still haven’t seen God’s best…..not yet
Eyes haven’t seen the things God’s planned for you
And ears haven’t heard the things He’s promised just for you
And neither has it entered into the hearts of man
All of the good things He has in store for you….there’s so much more
Do you receive the prophecy, hold on to your dream, be steadfast to your vision cause it shall come to past. It’s just the beginning and don’t quit cause He who has begun a good work is faithful to complete.
Do you receive the prophecy…..yes, yes…..do you receive the prophecy……yes, yes…this is just the beginning.
The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. --Deuteronomy 2:7
When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and cut off all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God. ----Deuteronomy 25:18
Sunday, March 22, 2009
[untitled]
Wow. Where do I began. I started not to write today only because I had so much to say, but nothing would come out. It wasn’t until I watched T.D. Jakes about an hour or so ago that I got the revelation. If this entry seems all over the place, its only because I really don’t know how to put this in words.
Ok, so I’ll start with a dream I had, actually a series of dreams, over the last month or so. I dreamt that I was applying make-up on my face, but I was hurt, distraught. In one dream, the make-up powder dripped all over my black suit. In another dream, I was going to an extravagant affair and while I was getting ready, applying my make-up, my sister said…… “take the make-up off”. In the dream, she simply said that you look so much beautiful without the make-up. Anybody who knows me, knows that I love Mac make-up products, especially the Studio Fix foundation. I’m not a colorful eye-shadowy, dramatic make-up wearer, but I will wear foundation, eyeliner, and mascara. Just to bring out my features---I guess. So that was that.
Last week, I was having lunch with two of my colleagues, who are also my sisters-in-Christ. One of them, we used to fellowship at the same church--an awesome teaching ministry. I left the ministry back in 2005 after moving to Montgomery County since it was a distance away. But my colleague still attend just until….last week. And so at lunch, we were all talking and my colleague was telling us how she’s become so obese with knowledge, the Word of God, so much that she’s immobilized. Unable to apply what she knows to a dying world. She said she felt like she was crippled by what she knows but unable to move how God wants her to. So over the last few years she’s just been attending church and taking it all in. Gluttony, if you will. Unable to share with others. So she made a bold, faith move and left her church to join a smaller ministry in which she feels God can use her. Our conversation was just bubbling in my Spirit for the last few days. Cause I could relate to what she was saying. Just knowing it all, but knowing nothing at the same time.
Ok, so yesterday was Strike Force. Man oh man. Satan tried so hard, but couldn’t stop what was to happen. Ok, so on the way to Strike Force my oldest sister called upset cause she was on her way to church and got a flat tire. For some reason, I didn’t want to go to Strike Force, so I immediately told her that I’d come and get her to take her to get a rental car. But at the same time, the manager at the gas station where she pulled over said he would drop her off to where she needed to go. So she told him she was going to church and so he allowed her to leave her car at his station, and he brought her to church.
I made it to church, but when I got out my car there was an ink pen hanging out my tire. It almost looked as if it was a syringe hanging out of flesh. I was stunned. But I refuse to let satan cripple both of us, so I pulled the pen out boldly, rebuking any flats, and headed into church. As I was coming in, my girlfriend Elizabeth was coming out. She said that she was going to do something else since the Strike Force agenda for the day was to go in the neighborhood and do outreach. NOT. Didn’t want to do it either. So I waited for my sister because it was my thinking that we could go get her rental, then I could go do a little shopping, then head to my mother’s for our family fish fry. That was my plan.
But when my sister got there, she said she felt like she needed to be at Strike Force. She didn’t want to get a rental until today--Sunday. It was cool cause I could take her wherever she needed to go, but I didn’t want to be there. I was like……shucks. So I humbled myself and we went in while the rest was in prayer. Couple of minutes later, I saw Elizabeth on the other side of the church. She had come back, made a motion to me that she felt convicted in her heart, and needed to be there too.
So about an hour or so later, we all separated into our groups and headed out to our pre-selected neighborhoods. Very nice and quiet, middle-class subdivision in Alexandria was given to us. Our group had eight people in it so we separated into twos. Me and my partner started walking down the street, knocking on doors, asking people if they needed prayer, etc. Soooo unlike me. And waaaay out of my comfort zone. But then we came across a house and there was a nice looking brotha probably in his late 20s getting something out of his car. So we approached him and asked if we could talk. He told us to wait a minute. He went into the house and closed the door. I’m like, lets go to my partner. I told her that dude probably think we’re Jehovah’s Witness and ain’t got time for us. But she was like…..no he’s coming back cause I feel it. And I was like…..no he ain’t. She won. The door opened and he and his father came out to greet us.
So we were standing in front of their house talking and then the father invited us in. So we went in….and the entire family came in the family room to greet us. When I tell you a BEAUTIFUL family….I mean beautiful. Both parents were there. They family is of Jamaican decent, but with a British ancestry. So physically….talk about beautiful. And their personality was beautiful also. So me and my partner were sitting there talking casually with them and the parents told us that they have been married for 40 years, and have six children. Their daughter, a twenty-one year old, was in the kitchen cooking. We were sitting in the family room, but we could see her seasoning ribs and chicken to put on the grill in which was being fired up in the backyard by the sons. Every now and again, the daughter would say a word or two in response to her father who is clearly the life of the family. Very calm jokester, but witty. The daughter, very well mannered and bubbly, seemed to have a great relationship with her parents.
So I’m sitting there amazed because here you have this wonderful Black family on a Saturday afternoon all together. All six of the children--adults---home with their parents, just chilling. And happy. So we started talking about God and they were saying how they are just burnt by the church. Just the superficial image that has become the symbol. And then we started talking about belief and then this is when it started to get deep. Basically, they believe that Jesus is the Son of God, but they don’t believe that they’re equal---meaning one. Never do I feel the need to argue the Word of God, but fleshly I could. They clearly was getting into Theology and I gotta be frank…….I have knowledge. And I pride myself on what I know. Professionally and Spiritually. But I was stuck. I couldn’t move. Nothing would come out. Actually, I was crying on the inside. I knew why, but I didn’t.
Then it got HEAVY. The wife…..a beautiful woman…..revealed that she is a psychic. Actually, when I walked in the house I knew that witchcraft was being done. Immediately, the Holy Spirit had me glance up the stairway where there were spiritual candles burning. So the wife started to explain her “gift” and how she taps into ancestry. How she can tell you what your ancestors wants you to know. And so, she said that because no church accepts her and her gift, she and her husband decided to have church at home on Saturday afternoons with their family. Basically, we had walked into their Saturday sanctuary time. In the inside I started to cry even harder. But nothing could come out.
After about an hour or more, I decided that it was time to leave cause I knew our group was wondering where in the heck we were. But there was a weird feeling. Not a feeling of hate or discomfort. But a feeling of love for these people. Some sort of connection. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was there. Cause these nice folks felt comfortable enough to open their homes to here what we had to say, at the same time expose themselves. Then I got a flashback. I thought about one time when I was showing a home to a client and when we walked in snakes were everywhere. Photos, statues, all types of paraphernalia of snakes were the chose décor of their home. They had signs posted of how they worshipped darkness. It was just really creepy. Then I thought about the time when I was taking a class and the person in my group handed me her business card and her title actually said, “witch”. Her service was to tap into darkness.
Ok, I can’t even begin to explain how I felt as we left. But when we got outside our group had left us. So me and my partner were walking towards the church and I was speechless. We had small talk, but she too was taken. Then we saw our group leader who had come back to get us. When we got into his car all the heaviness began to seep out of me. And basically, what I revealed to them was that we as Christians gotta get it together.
So we get back to church and everybody is there, hyped about their outreaching efforts and so the Pastor asked each team leader to give a report. But when it got to our team, my team leader asked if I could get up and say something. My heart was beating so fast. I was torn up inside. So I took the mic---in front of about 200 people---and before I could speak I bent over in tears. I was speechless. I couldn’t talk. And I couldn’t stop crying. So after a minute or so, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak for me cause I clearly couldn’t talk on my own, and what I can remember that came out of my mouth, and from what my sister and my girlfriends told me, was that I explained how us Americans are bound by self. We have built ourselves up so much with knowledge---even Bible knowledge---our profession, degrees, image, even hiding behind “ministry” and so forth that there’s a dying world out there worshipping the dead and darkness and our selfish wall is blocking us from reaching them. I simply asked the church if they could pray for us African Americans, especially us professional women in the church that we will be broken. The church was speechless. I even saw the pastor lay his head on the podium. When I sat down, the pastor said that my testimony was the most powerful that has ever come into that church. Then he introduced the guest speaker, a well-respected evangelist, and he preached on us being broken, emptying ourselves so that the Holy Spirit could use us effectively. By the end of Strike Force, EVERYBODY, even the pastor was stretched out on the altar crying out to God.
So me and my sister left--headed to my mother’s to meet up with my family for dinner, but I still felt heaviness in my heart. It was late when everybody started to leave, and since I had to take my sister home, I decided to just stay at her house until this morning. When I got in, after doing some shopping, running errands, etc. I was drained. So I took a nap and when I woke up I just still felt this heaviness. Sorta like an incomplete answer. But I knew that the Lord would bring me a revelation to whatever it was I was feeling sooner or later. I mean, I knew He gave me the message for us as a people, but there was more that needed to be revealed about me and this situation.
So this evening I’m laying in the bed, just waking up from my nap, and my body is hurting. I couldn’t move. But I turned on the television and T.D. Jakes was on. He was talking about the Blood of Jesus and how in the natural by taking someone’s blood you can find out all that’s wrong with the body. And how the Blood is a powerful thing. But this particular broadcast was different. Jakes had a forum of folk in a talk-show style setting, but every few minutes snippets of him preaching to the congregation would come on. So one particular lady on the panel asked……. “what do you say to people who believe in God, but not Jesus?” Somehow, my strength was renewed and so I sat up to listen intently. And basically, Jakes responded that those types of folk rely on Theology---and you can’t argue with knowledge because even satan knew who Jesus was. So what he said was that those types of folk you have to connect with in the wound. The part where their hurt caused the separation. Then it hit me. I got the revelation.
It went back to my dreams about the make-up. Basically, until I take it off----ALL OFF----even the outside of church self that I‘ve built, I will not reach the lost. Cause basically what I have done is masked myself so much with knowledge that I have covered up my own wounds. And if I can’t expose my wounds and deal with them accordingly, then I can’t be effectively used to get to someone else’s wounds. I now realize that we can throw scriptures and head knowledge until a lost person is resting eternally in hell, but in order to win souls to Christ we can’t rely on what we know, but WHO we know. And that's the love of God.
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:7-9
Ok, so I’ll start with a dream I had, actually a series of dreams, over the last month or so. I dreamt that I was applying make-up on my face, but I was hurt, distraught. In one dream, the make-up powder dripped all over my black suit. In another dream, I was going to an extravagant affair and while I was getting ready, applying my make-up, my sister said…… “take the make-up off”. In the dream, she simply said that you look so much beautiful without the make-up. Anybody who knows me, knows that I love Mac make-up products, especially the Studio Fix foundation. I’m not a colorful eye-shadowy, dramatic make-up wearer, but I will wear foundation, eyeliner, and mascara. Just to bring out my features---I guess. So that was that.
Last week, I was having lunch with two of my colleagues, who are also my sisters-in-Christ. One of them, we used to fellowship at the same church--an awesome teaching ministry. I left the ministry back in 2005 after moving to Montgomery County since it was a distance away. But my colleague still attend just until….last week. And so at lunch, we were all talking and my colleague was telling us how she’s become so obese with knowledge, the Word of God, so much that she’s immobilized. Unable to apply what she knows to a dying world. She said she felt like she was crippled by what she knows but unable to move how God wants her to. So over the last few years she’s just been attending church and taking it all in. Gluttony, if you will. Unable to share with others. So she made a bold, faith move and left her church to join a smaller ministry in which she feels God can use her. Our conversation was just bubbling in my Spirit for the last few days. Cause I could relate to what she was saying. Just knowing it all, but knowing nothing at the same time.
Ok, so yesterday was Strike Force. Man oh man. Satan tried so hard, but couldn’t stop what was to happen. Ok, so on the way to Strike Force my oldest sister called upset cause she was on her way to church and got a flat tire. For some reason, I didn’t want to go to Strike Force, so I immediately told her that I’d come and get her to take her to get a rental car. But at the same time, the manager at the gas station where she pulled over said he would drop her off to where she needed to go. So she told him she was going to church and so he allowed her to leave her car at his station, and he brought her to church.
I made it to church, but when I got out my car there was an ink pen hanging out my tire. It almost looked as if it was a syringe hanging out of flesh. I was stunned. But I refuse to let satan cripple both of us, so I pulled the pen out boldly, rebuking any flats, and headed into church. As I was coming in, my girlfriend Elizabeth was coming out. She said that she was going to do something else since the Strike Force agenda for the day was to go in the neighborhood and do outreach. NOT. Didn’t want to do it either. So I waited for my sister because it was my thinking that we could go get her rental, then I could go do a little shopping, then head to my mother’s for our family fish fry. That was my plan.
But when my sister got there, she said she felt like she needed to be at Strike Force. She didn’t want to get a rental until today--Sunday. It was cool cause I could take her wherever she needed to go, but I didn’t want to be there. I was like……shucks. So I humbled myself and we went in while the rest was in prayer. Couple of minutes later, I saw Elizabeth on the other side of the church. She had come back, made a motion to me that she felt convicted in her heart, and needed to be there too.
So about an hour or so later, we all separated into our groups and headed out to our pre-selected neighborhoods. Very nice and quiet, middle-class subdivision in Alexandria was given to us. Our group had eight people in it so we separated into twos. Me and my partner started walking down the street, knocking on doors, asking people if they needed prayer, etc. Soooo unlike me. And waaaay out of my comfort zone. But then we came across a house and there was a nice looking brotha probably in his late 20s getting something out of his car. So we approached him and asked if we could talk. He told us to wait a minute. He went into the house and closed the door. I’m like, lets go to my partner. I told her that dude probably think we’re Jehovah’s Witness and ain’t got time for us. But she was like…..no he’s coming back cause I feel it. And I was like…..no he ain’t. She won. The door opened and he and his father came out to greet us.
So we were standing in front of their house talking and then the father invited us in. So we went in….and the entire family came in the family room to greet us. When I tell you a BEAUTIFUL family….I mean beautiful. Both parents were there. They family is of Jamaican decent, but with a British ancestry. So physically….talk about beautiful. And their personality was beautiful also. So me and my partner were sitting there talking casually with them and the parents told us that they have been married for 40 years, and have six children. Their daughter, a twenty-one year old, was in the kitchen cooking. We were sitting in the family room, but we could see her seasoning ribs and chicken to put on the grill in which was being fired up in the backyard by the sons. Every now and again, the daughter would say a word or two in response to her father who is clearly the life of the family. Very calm jokester, but witty. The daughter, very well mannered and bubbly, seemed to have a great relationship with her parents.
So I’m sitting there amazed because here you have this wonderful Black family on a Saturday afternoon all together. All six of the children--adults---home with their parents, just chilling. And happy. So we started talking about God and they were saying how they are just burnt by the church. Just the superficial image that has become the symbol. And then we started talking about belief and then this is when it started to get deep. Basically, they believe that Jesus is the Son of God, but they don’t believe that they’re equal---meaning one. Never do I feel the need to argue the Word of God, but fleshly I could. They clearly was getting into Theology and I gotta be frank…….I have knowledge. And I pride myself on what I know. Professionally and Spiritually. But I was stuck. I couldn’t move. Nothing would come out. Actually, I was crying on the inside. I knew why, but I didn’t.
Then it got HEAVY. The wife…..a beautiful woman…..revealed that she is a psychic. Actually, when I walked in the house I knew that witchcraft was being done. Immediately, the Holy Spirit had me glance up the stairway where there were spiritual candles burning. So the wife started to explain her “gift” and how she taps into ancestry. How she can tell you what your ancestors wants you to know. And so, she said that because no church accepts her and her gift, she and her husband decided to have church at home on Saturday afternoons with their family. Basically, we had walked into their Saturday sanctuary time. In the inside I started to cry even harder. But nothing could come out.
After about an hour or more, I decided that it was time to leave cause I knew our group was wondering where in the heck we were. But there was a weird feeling. Not a feeling of hate or discomfort. But a feeling of love for these people. Some sort of connection. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was there. Cause these nice folks felt comfortable enough to open their homes to here what we had to say, at the same time expose themselves. Then I got a flashback. I thought about one time when I was showing a home to a client and when we walked in snakes were everywhere. Photos, statues, all types of paraphernalia of snakes were the chose décor of their home. They had signs posted of how they worshipped darkness. It was just really creepy. Then I thought about the time when I was taking a class and the person in my group handed me her business card and her title actually said, “witch”. Her service was to tap into darkness.
Ok, I can’t even begin to explain how I felt as we left. But when we got outside our group had left us. So me and my partner were walking towards the church and I was speechless. We had small talk, but she too was taken. Then we saw our group leader who had come back to get us. When we got into his car all the heaviness began to seep out of me. And basically, what I revealed to them was that we as Christians gotta get it together.
So we get back to church and everybody is there, hyped about their outreaching efforts and so the Pastor asked each team leader to give a report. But when it got to our team, my team leader asked if I could get up and say something. My heart was beating so fast. I was torn up inside. So I took the mic---in front of about 200 people---and before I could speak I bent over in tears. I was speechless. I couldn’t talk. And I couldn’t stop crying. So after a minute or so, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak for me cause I clearly couldn’t talk on my own, and what I can remember that came out of my mouth, and from what my sister and my girlfriends told me, was that I explained how us Americans are bound by self. We have built ourselves up so much with knowledge---even Bible knowledge---our profession, degrees, image, even hiding behind “ministry” and so forth that there’s a dying world out there worshipping the dead and darkness and our selfish wall is blocking us from reaching them. I simply asked the church if they could pray for us African Americans, especially us professional women in the church that we will be broken. The church was speechless. I even saw the pastor lay his head on the podium. When I sat down, the pastor said that my testimony was the most powerful that has ever come into that church. Then he introduced the guest speaker, a well-respected evangelist, and he preached on us being broken, emptying ourselves so that the Holy Spirit could use us effectively. By the end of Strike Force, EVERYBODY, even the pastor was stretched out on the altar crying out to God.
So me and my sister left--headed to my mother’s to meet up with my family for dinner, but I still felt heaviness in my heart. It was late when everybody started to leave, and since I had to take my sister home, I decided to just stay at her house until this morning. When I got in, after doing some shopping, running errands, etc. I was drained. So I took a nap and when I woke up I just still felt this heaviness. Sorta like an incomplete answer. But I knew that the Lord would bring me a revelation to whatever it was I was feeling sooner or later. I mean, I knew He gave me the message for us as a people, but there was more that needed to be revealed about me and this situation.
So this evening I’m laying in the bed, just waking up from my nap, and my body is hurting. I couldn’t move. But I turned on the television and T.D. Jakes was on. He was talking about the Blood of Jesus and how in the natural by taking someone’s blood you can find out all that’s wrong with the body. And how the Blood is a powerful thing. But this particular broadcast was different. Jakes had a forum of folk in a talk-show style setting, but every few minutes snippets of him preaching to the congregation would come on. So one particular lady on the panel asked……. “what do you say to people who believe in God, but not Jesus?” Somehow, my strength was renewed and so I sat up to listen intently. And basically, Jakes responded that those types of folk rely on Theology---and you can’t argue with knowledge because even satan knew who Jesus was. So what he said was that those types of folk you have to connect with in the wound. The part where their hurt caused the separation. Then it hit me. I got the revelation.
It went back to my dreams about the make-up. Basically, until I take it off----ALL OFF----even the outside of church self that I‘ve built, I will not reach the lost. Cause basically what I have done is masked myself so much with knowledge that I have covered up my own wounds. And if I can’t expose my wounds and deal with them accordingly, then I can’t be effectively used to get to someone else’s wounds. I now realize that we can throw scriptures and head knowledge until a lost person is resting eternally in hell, but in order to win souls to Christ we can’t rely on what we know, but WHO we know. And that's the love of God.
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:7-9
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Talk About Commitment
I just found out some disturbing statistics. Okay, not really. I mean…..it ain’t like I didn’t know. Especially since working in marriage education I come across all types of information on marriage and relationships. So really I ain’t surprised. But the funny thing is……wait…….I don’t know whether to tell the revelation or give the facts. Well, since the truth trumps the facts, I’ll give the facts first and back it with the revelation the Lord gave me three weeks ago.
So, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, African American women are the most “never been married” group in America. Am I the only one startled about this????? I mean, especially being African American and single, myself. Why is this????? Okay, I now know why because the Lord spoke to me. But this is a problem. Especially since African American women are supposed to know first hand how to cater to a man. Or do we? Didn’t our mommas and grandmommas teach us this???? I mean, mine did.
You know what.....this single sistah circle I've been riding with is a mess now. I mean, I luuvs my girls and all---but its time for the next level. I mean, in the late 20s, early 30s it was fine. Empowering. “Can’t no man do for us what we can’t do for ourselves (snapping fingers in the air---the ring finger at that--lol). But now……something is clearly wrong cause there are too many of us unmarried. And I don’t mean overall, I mean us sistahs in the church.
Ok, so I was sitting in Strike Force a couple of weeks ago and the Lord spoke to me so clearly. He said…..in which I firmly believe……that the reason why a lot of single women in the church are unmarried, even though they desire to be, is because (1) their motive for being in church are selfishly wrong, and (2) because their motive is wrong there is no true commitment to the church. Very few of us are seeking God because of who He is, but seeking Him for who He has for us---a husband.
Can I be honest today? Ok, thanks. Cause total honestly is the only way to write this one. Ok, I’d be the first to admit that although I WHOLEHEARTEDLY go to church to worship the Lord, I am not committed to the church like I should be. I mean, I go and participate on my terms. Just like with Strike Force. Because it takes up six hours of my day on Saturdays, I don’t go to church on Sundays---at least not for the next few weeks. And outside of that, I lend my talents and services according to how I feel. If I don’t feel like doing such and such….I don’t. If I can use an excuse I’d say that the church burnt me out over the years. But that’s lame and overused. So why do I REALLY go to church when I do decide to go? Maybe because I like the fellowship, the word. At this point, I really don’t know. I want to believe that my heart is there but my mind is clearly somewhere else.
Whew. Yes, yes. Ok, I think I have a problem with commitment. That’s commitment to the church. But I’m saying it like as long as I can be committed to a man (in which I pride myself on) then that’s all that matters. NOT!!! Ok, bear with me cause I’m dealing with myself today—lol. I’m pointing a finger directly at me today.
The Bible speaks clearly about the relationship between a husband and wife being equivalent to God and the church. And about the relationship between God and the husband in which in a marriage the wife submits to the husband as the husband submits to God. And just like in a marriage a husband and a wife are one and should not be separated, so is the relationship between God and the church. SOOOOO…….if those of us who are unmarried don’t have a husband to submit to then we have to submit directly to God. That is…..God AND the church.
So how can we honestly say that we are committed to God and not be committed to church? And vice versa, how can we be committed to a church……and not to God. I mean the authority and commands of God. That’s like saying that my child is committed to me, but not to my husband---his/her father. There’s an imbalance. And an imbalance will cause the child to lack in a number of ways. Like growing up and not being able to maintain a relationship…….hmmmmm. See the connection. Yes, I see it. We have to realize that everything that happens in the natural happens in the Spiritual.
But speaking about commitment, that’s to anybody, it has to be more than just a will and a promise. Your being---mind, body, and soul---has to be drawn and connected. It has to be like if I’m not with that person I feel totally incomplete. Umph. Am I there yet with the church? Umph. Pray for me cause I truly desire a better relationship with the church.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ---Ephesians 5:24-30
So, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, African American women are the most “never been married” group in America. Am I the only one startled about this????? I mean, especially being African American and single, myself. Why is this????? Okay, I now know why because the Lord spoke to me. But this is a problem. Especially since African American women are supposed to know first hand how to cater to a man. Or do we? Didn’t our mommas and grandmommas teach us this???? I mean, mine did.
You know what.....this single sistah circle I've been riding with is a mess now. I mean, I luuvs my girls and all---but its time for the next level. I mean, in the late 20s, early 30s it was fine. Empowering. “Can’t no man do for us what we can’t do for ourselves (snapping fingers in the air---the ring finger at that--lol). But now……something is clearly wrong cause there are too many of us unmarried. And I don’t mean overall, I mean us sistahs in the church.
Ok, so I was sitting in Strike Force a couple of weeks ago and the Lord spoke to me so clearly. He said…..in which I firmly believe……that the reason why a lot of single women in the church are unmarried, even though they desire to be, is because (1) their motive for being in church are selfishly wrong, and (2) because their motive is wrong there is no true commitment to the church. Very few of us are seeking God because of who He is, but seeking Him for who He has for us---a husband.
Can I be honest today? Ok, thanks. Cause total honestly is the only way to write this one. Ok, I’d be the first to admit that although I WHOLEHEARTEDLY go to church to worship the Lord, I am not committed to the church like I should be. I mean, I go and participate on my terms. Just like with Strike Force. Because it takes up six hours of my day on Saturdays, I don’t go to church on Sundays---at least not for the next few weeks. And outside of that, I lend my talents and services according to how I feel. If I don’t feel like doing such and such….I don’t. If I can use an excuse I’d say that the church burnt me out over the years. But that’s lame and overused. So why do I REALLY go to church when I do decide to go? Maybe because I like the fellowship, the word. At this point, I really don’t know. I want to believe that my heart is there but my mind is clearly somewhere else.
Whew. Yes, yes. Ok, I think I have a problem with commitment. That’s commitment to the church. But I’m saying it like as long as I can be committed to a man (in which I pride myself on) then that’s all that matters. NOT!!! Ok, bear with me cause I’m dealing with myself today—lol. I’m pointing a finger directly at me today.
The Bible speaks clearly about the relationship between a husband and wife being equivalent to God and the church. And about the relationship between God and the husband in which in a marriage the wife submits to the husband as the husband submits to God. And just like in a marriage a husband and a wife are one and should not be separated, so is the relationship between God and the church. SOOOOO…….if those of us who are unmarried don’t have a husband to submit to then we have to submit directly to God. That is…..God AND the church.
So how can we honestly say that we are committed to God and not be committed to church? And vice versa, how can we be committed to a church……and not to God. I mean the authority and commands of God. That’s like saying that my child is committed to me, but not to my husband---his/her father. There’s an imbalance. And an imbalance will cause the child to lack in a number of ways. Like growing up and not being able to maintain a relationship…….hmmmmm. See the connection. Yes, I see it. We have to realize that everything that happens in the natural happens in the Spiritual.
But speaking about commitment, that’s to anybody, it has to be more than just a will and a promise. Your being---mind, body, and soul---has to be drawn and connected. It has to be like if I’m not with that person I feel totally incomplete. Umph. Am I there yet with the church? Umph. Pray for me cause I truly desire a better relationship with the church.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ---Ephesians 5:24-30
Just Because......
I think I said in an entry last week that when it rains it pours. If that’s true……then now I can hear the thunder rolling. What the heck is up with this month!!! Ok, its one thing to mess with my surroundings---you know the folk I associate with. And it’s another thing to mess with me cause my faith is so strong in the Lord that even my weakest day will beat satan’s strongest day. But when he starts messing with my family……oh then it’s on!!!
So yesterday I was so swamped with work that I could hardly go to the bathroom. Trying to meet deadlines, do conference calls, budgeting, and all kinds of other tasks. Then I get a call from my sister in the calmest voice saying……. [it happened]. I was totally oblivious to what she was saying. Then it hit me and I almost screamed. I’m like WHAT!!!!!! But then peace came over me. The funny thing is that just yesterday morning when I woke up I started praying for the situation out of the blue.
You know what…..as I am writing I was going to speak about how in the time of trouble the Lord will protect, and though this is true and we believe and receive it there’s something else I want to express. Can I just say that I LUUUUVS my family. I’d have to be the first to admit that there’s a little dysfunctionalism--lol hiding in there, but even in that we have an unbreakable bond. We know how to unify. You know what….sometimes I sit back and watch folk and how they deal with family situations and am amazed. Especially when a love one dies or is sick or is in need. I mean……it is nothing for my family to jump out of the norm to be at a loved one’s side. NOTHING.
Even a couple of months ago when my sister got sick and me, my mother, and two other sisters were in church when my mother received a text from my niece. From across the sanctuary my mother gave me a signal, I got my sister, and we got my girlfriends, went to the back of the church and started praying. Within minutes we were headed to the hospital.
When my grandmother died back in 1995, I had just gotten in the bed when she called my mother and told her she was feeling funny. My younger sisters---preteens at the time---were visiting my grandparents in New York for spring break. So my mother told my sisters to get in the bed with my grandmother to make sure she was alright. Not even a half hour later we got a call from my screaming sister saying that when my grandmother got up to go to the bathroom she collapsed. Dropped dead of a heart attack.
At the time I was living home, and so I heard my mother scream. I lie not….within twenty minutes our house was packed---in-laws, cousins, friends galore. And within the hour we had a caravan headed to New York. We threw stuff in bags and were out. All of us. I don’t even think it was midnight yet. But we came together, as we always do.
And when my niece died in 2006, man the wounds are still fresh so I don’t want to speak much on it. But what I will say is that the hospital probably never even seen that type of crowd before. It was nothing for us to pack out the waiting rooms. I remember my boss, knowing just how close I am to my family, gave me extended leave just because…….
But that’s just us. We drop EVERYTHING to be with family---mind, body, and soul. And so when I got the call yesterday although I was at peace, nothing else mattered. But my family. Thinking and praying. Thinking and praying. Boy, I’m glad it’s not a death, but it is a life interruption. And hearts are pierced. Last night I lay quietly by the phone since there’s not much we can do but wait.
Last Saturday was “family day” and we were all together eating and laughing, like nothing. I should have told everybody I loved them instead of just expressing it. Umph. But this Friday will be family day again, just because…….. Umph.
Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one may be open to blame. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. --1 Timothy 5:7-8
So yesterday I was so swamped with work that I could hardly go to the bathroom. Trying to meet deadlines, do conference calls, budgeting, and all kinds of other tasks. Then I get a call from my sister in the calmest voice saying……. [it happened]. I was totally oblivious to what she was saying. Then it hit me and I almost screamed. I’m like WHAT!!!!!! But then peace came over me. The funny thing is that just yesterday morning when I woke up I started praying for the situation out of the blue.
You know what…..as I am writing I was going to speak about how in the time of trouble the Lord will protect, and though this is true and we believe and receive it there’s something else I want to express. Can I just say that I LUUUUVS my family. I’d have to be the first to admit that there’s a little dysfunctionalism--lol hiding in there, but even in that we have an unbreakable bond. We know how to unify. You know what….sometimes I sit back and watch folk and how they deal with family situations and am amazed. Especially when a love one dies or is sick or is in need. I mean……it is nothing for my family to jump out of the norm to be at a loved one’s side. NOTHING.
Even a couple of months ago when my sister got sick and me, my mother, and two other sisters were in church when my mother received a text from my niece. From across the sanctuary my mother gave me a signal, I got my sister, and we got my girlfriends, went to the back of the church and started praying. Within minutes we were headed to the hospital.
When my grandmother died back in 1995, I had just gotten in the bed when she called my mother and told her she was feeling funny. My younger sisters---preteens at the time---were visiting my grandparents in New York for spring break. So my mother told my sisters to get in the bed with my grandmother to make sure she was alright. Not even a half hour later we got a call from my screaming sister saying that when my grandmother got up to go to the bathroom she collapsed. Dropped dead of a heart attack.
At the time I was living home, and so I heard my mother scream. I lie not….within twenty minutes our house was packed---in-laws, cousins, friends galore. And within the hour we had a caravan headed to New York. We threw stuff in bags and were out. All of us. I don’t even think it was midnight yet. But we came together, as we always do.
And when my niece died in 2006, man the wounds are still fresh so I don’t want to speak much on it. But what I will say is that the hospital probably never even seen that type of crowd before. It was nothing for us to pack out the waiting rooms. I remember my boss, knowing just how close I am to my family, gave me extended leave just because…….
But that’s just us. We drop EVERYTHING to be with family---mind, body, and soul. And so when I got the call yesterday although I was at peace, nothing else mattered. But my family. Thinking and praying. Thinking and praying. Boy, I’m glad it’s not a death, but it is a life interruption. And hearts are pierced. Last night I lay quietly by the phone since there’s not much we can do but wait.
Last Saturday was “family day” and we were all together eating and laughing, like nothing. I should have told everybody I loved them instead of just expressing it. Umph. But this Friday will be family day again, just because…….. Umph.
Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one may be open to blame. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. --1 Timothy 5:7-8
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Year of the Holy Spirit
You go Eddie Long!!!!!!! It’s on now. The Lord is speaking through His servants and they are being obedient. I truly believe that the Body of Christ (the church) is getting ready to do an about face. We’re going back to basics. Before we took authentic prayer and worship out the church. Yes, I said it. Ok, you know how I feel about this prosperity movement that the church has fallen into, more so in the Black church, but slowly but surely things are changing. I guess folks are figuring out that this self-building/motivational thingy in the church ain’t working.
Just heard Eddie Long on TBN tonight revealing that this is the Year of the Holy Spirit. YES!!!!! I truly, in my heart of hearts, and deep in my Spirit, believe that. He said that there was going to be an increase so great this year and it will not be the increase in which we’ve been taught. He said…..it will be an increase of Christians experiencing God in the Spirit realm. As it should be. Too many of us are operating on shallow ground and not really experiencing God. And the plan HE has for our lives. And HIS will for us on this earth. And HIS promises of eternal life. Bishop Long went on to say that prophecy is getting ready to take place and that we as the Body of Christ must be ready.
Whew!!!! I tell ya………things are getting ready to shift and those who claim to be Christians better be open to the voice and command of God. Cause something is about to happen. Take that as prophecy.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. --2 Timothy 3
Just heard Eddie Long on TBN tonight revealing that this is the Year of the Holy Spirit. YES!!!!! I truly, in my heart of hearts, and deep in my Spirit, believe that. He said that there was going to be an increase so great this year and it will not be the increase in which we’ve been taught. He said…..it will be an increase of Christians experiencing God in the Spirit realm. As it should be. Too many of us are operating on shallow ground and not really experiencing God. And the plan HE has for our lives. And HIS will for us on this earth. And HIS promises of eternal life. Bishop Long went on to say that prophecy is getting ready to take place and that we as the Body of Christ must be ready.
Whew!!!! I tell ya………things are getting ready to shift and those who claim to be Christians better be open to the voice and command of God. Cause something is about to happen. Take that as prophecy.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. --2 Timothy 3
Friday, March 13, 2009
Happy Friday!!
Oh my goodness!!!! Something spectacular just happened!!!! Ok, I knew it was gonna be a day out of the norm when I walked out the metro and it started snowing!! Yes, SNOWING. It supposed to be spring---or close to it. Good thing I wore my heavier coat.
Anyway, so I’m sitting at my desk just thinking about the goodness of the Lord. You know…..how His peace is just mind-blowing. And not that anything “happened” in the last few days or hours prior to make me happy, cause according to the last few days I should feel sad. But I’m not. I just feel happy. I guess what it really is, is joy. But whatever it is I was just sitting here working and smiling and feeling good.
Then the Lord spoke. And gave me instruction. Uh oh. My pride kicked into overdrive. But weirdly, my heart, my mind, and my body wasn’t falling for it this time. I guess they know that they’d better get in tuned to the Holy Spirit cause they’re powerless on their own. So peace overrode pride, and I proceeded. I gotta be obedient. Didn’t know what the outcome would be, but that wasn’t my concern. I had instruction from God and that was all that mattered. Can I just say that God NEVER fails!!!! God NEVER EVER fails. My happiness just went to a whole another level.
Today is a happy Friday indeed. I guess I was expecting it to be.
Saying, surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee. And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. --Hebrews 6:14-15
Anyway, so I’m sitting at my desk just thinking about the goodness of the Lord. You know…..how His peace is just mind-blowing. And not that anything “happened” in the last few days or hours prior to make me happy, cause according to the last few days I should feel sad. But I’m not. I just feel happy. I guess what it really is, is joy. But whatever it is I was just sitting here working and smiling and feeling good.
Then the Lord spoke. And gave me instruction. Uh oh. My pride kicked into overdrive. But weirdly, my heart, my mind, and my body wasn’t falling for it this time. I guess they know that they’d better get in tuned to the Holy Spirit cause they’re powerless on their own. So peace overrode pride, and I proceeded. I gotta be obedient. Didn’t know what the outcome would be, but that wasn’t my concern. I had instruction from God and that was all that mattered. Can I just say that God NEVER fails!!!! God NEVER EVER fails. My happiness just went to a whole another level.
Today is a happy Friday indeed. I guess I was expecting it to be.
Saying, surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee. And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. --Hebrews 6:14-15
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Connected......Again!
Ok, I could just say “reconnected” but I think I already titled an entry that a few months ago. If so, boy……I need to get it together---lol. Anyway, so I’m home today. Had a lot of home business to take care of. So I did what I usually do when personal business got to be done. Schedule all in one day.
For the last three months or so, my home computer has been down. So that meant no internet. And while I missed having access from home, it played well since I didn’t have cable either. Yes, yes….Comcast got me all bundled up. But here’s the tough part…..my home phone is VOIP, therefore in order for the phone to work I have to have internet service, but my computer was broken, sooooooo…….. I’ve been hurting. My poor little Blackberry has been worn out. But it does the job--lol.
So last week, I took my computer to the professional boys and got the hook-up. Then I called Comcast to get their butts back out here to reconnect my darn cable and internet today. And since I was gonna be home I called the electrician out to run tests to see why my freaking Pepco bill is tipping $300+ for the last few months. If you don’t know by now….I ain’t Rockefeller, therefore I do operate on a budget.
Of course, everybody came out at the same time. My computer was delivered, Comcast reconnected my cable and internet, and the electrician did his thing. The electrician made my day cause he said what I wanted to her……..Ms. Morris, you need a new dryer cause this one is pulling twice as much power than a dryer is suppose to. Yes, yes……any excuse to “have” to purchase that sun-burst orange front-load washer and dryer from Home Depot. Hey, might as well get the washer too, right.
So, everybody was here doing their thing and the cable guy was getting ready to leave. So I handed him a check for $121 cause that’s what the rep on the phone told me it would cost. But dude wouldn’t accept it. I’m like, you sure cause I don’t want Comcast billing me for it next month. He said, no your next payment is $81 and that’s it. I was like, HUH!!! I wasn’t having it. I was trying hard to give him the check. But he still wouldn’t take it. He said....Ms. Morris, my slip doesn’t require payment so I can‘t accept it. Then he showed me the paperwork that read……NO PAYMENT REQUIRED ON DELIVERY. I was like…okay. Yet, again…..the Lord hooked a sistah up!!!
As soon as the last person left, I grabbed my purse cause I was……..going shopping. First stop…..Home Depot. Then my oldest sister called. And we did our daily chit-chatter. Then she gave me the lecture about working full-time for myself---as she does. The thought sounds nice, but the reality makes it complicated. And I don’t want complicated right now. I like the fact that I make a decent salary with good benefits, doing something that really interests me---managing a family enrichment program for the feds. I really do. But she was making all the sense in the world. So I plopped on the sofa with purse and keys in my hand and listened. Gotta listen to big sis. Got to. That’s why God put her in our life. My oldest sister helped me prepare for my first date, write my first check, buy my first home and first car, and ohhhhh the first time---yes that---she gave me all the do’s and don’ts. Talk about a trail-blazer. Most times when we’re together people think I’m the oldest, but trust when I tell you……she does her big sister job well and makes it clear who’s the oldest. So I listened. Intently.
As soon as I hung up with her, I was drained. Thoughts running through my head---dollar signs, my future, flashbacks from last week, my to-do list……I no longer felt like going out. The mood was struck. So I put my keys back in my purse, took off my shoes and jacket and laid on the sofa. I grabbed my new Essence magazine with Taraji P. Henson on the cover----luvs her----and started flipping through. But then a light bulb lit………I got me some cable!!! As Mya Wilkes from Girlfriends would say. So I turned to a good movie, grabbed my comforter and pillow, and enjoyed my free afternoon.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. --Ecclesiastes 5:19
For the last three months or so, my home computer has been down. So that meant no internet. And while I missed having access from home, it played well since I didn’t have cable either. Yes, yes….Comcast got me all bundled up. But here’s the tough part…..my home phone is VOIP, therefore in order for the phone to work I have to have internet service, but my computer was broken, sooooooo…….. I’ve been hurting. My poor little Blackberry has been worn out. But it does the job--lol.
So last week, I took my computer to the professional boys and got the hook-up. Then I called Comcast to get their butts back out here to reconnect my darn cable and internet today. And since I was gonna be home I called the electrician out to run tests to see why my freaking Pepco bill is tipping $300+ for the last few months. If you don’t know by now….I ain’t Rockefeller, therefore I do operate on a budget.
Of course, everybody came out at the same time. My computer was delivered, Comcast reconnected my cable and internet, and the electrician did his thing. The electrician made my day cause he said what I wanted to her……..Ms. Morris, you need a new dryer cause this one is pulling twice as much power than a dryer is suppose to. Yes, yes……any excuse to “have” to purchase that sun-burst orange front-load washer and dryer from Home Depot. Hey, might as well get the washer too, right.
So, everybody was here doing their thing and the cable guy was getting ready to leave. So I handed him a check for $121 cause that’s what the rep on the phone told me it would cost. But dude wouldn’t accept it. I’m like, you sure cause I don’t want Comcast billing me for it next month. He said, no your next payment is $81 and that’s it. I was like, HUH!!! I wasn’t having it. I was trying hard to give him the check. But he still wouldn’t take it. He said....Ms. Morris, my slip doesn’t require payment so I can‘t accept it. Then he showed me the paperwork that read……NO PAYMENT REQUIRED ON DELIVERY. I was like…okay. Yet, again…..the Lord hooked a sistah up!!!
As soon as the last person left, I grabbed my purse cause I was……..going shopping. First stop…..Home Depot. Then my oldest sister called. And we did our daily chit-chatter. Then she gave me the lecture about working full-time for myself---as she does. The thought sounds nice, but the reality makes it complicated. And I don’t want complicated right now. I like the fact that I make a decent salary with good benefits, doing something that really interests me---managing a family enrichment program for the feds. I really do. But she was making all the sense in the world. So I plopped on the sofa with purse and keys in my hand and listened. Gotta listen to big sis. Got to. That’s why God put her in our life. My oldest sister helped me prepare for my first date, write my first check, buy my first home and first car, and ohhhhh the first time---yes that---she gave me all the do’s and don’ts. Talk about a trail-blazer. Most times when we’re together people think I’m the oldest, but trust when I tell you……she does her big sister job well and makes it clear who’s the oldest. So I listened. Intently.
As soon as I hung up with her, I was drained. Thoughts running through my head---dollar signs, my future, flashbacks from last week, my to-do list……I no longer felt like going out. The mood was struck. So I put my keys back in my purse, took off my shoes and jacket and laid on the sofa. I grabbed my new Essence magazine with Taraji P. Henson on the cover----luvs her----and started flipping through. But then a light bulb lit………I got me some cable!!! As Mya Wilkes from Girlfriends would say. So I turned to a good movie, grabbed my comforter and pillow, and enjoyed my free afternoon.
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. --Ecclesiastes 5:19
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Til Death Do Us Part......
Umph. Did I mention that when it rains it pours? Ok, I thought I did. Just when I thought my personal journey was walking its tightrope of life (ok, bear with me…..I’ve been in Wii Fit mode for the last two days---luvs that thing—lololol), I witness something that makes my “issue” seem minute. The funny thing is that in the grand scheme of things…..it is. Umph.
So yesterday I’m sitting at my desk in the groove of my day, jamming to J. Moss on Pandora, thanking God for His mercy and for sustaining my mind another hour, and my colleague hit me with a ton of bricks. She informs me that she’d just received a call that another one of our colleague’s---who works on a different floor---husband was killed in an accident on Sunday. My jaw dropped and my mouth was stuck opened. The three of us just hosted a retirement celebration together a couple of months ago and my colleague was telling us how she’s so glad that she has boys cause her husband knows how to handle them and their teenage boy issues. I remember her saying……. “I told my son....I don’t want to know [that], go tell your father!” We cracked up at the things she was sharing about her boys……and her husband. She was just so grateful and proud of her family. And now he’s gone. And she’s left with two teenage boys to raise alone. Umph.
This morning I called my colleague’s best girlfriend, who is also one of my good girlfriends, to check on her. She informed me that she has never cried so hard in all her life. Even my girlfriend, who went through a bitter divorce as well as loss her mother, said she's never cried so much in the last day. She said that her heart is so heavy for her friend. She said that when she arrived at the hospital, my colleague literally collapsed on the floor. That’s how things are going for my colleague, which is to be expected. So my prayers, LITERALLY, are going out for my colleague and her boys. And their loved ones. And for my girlfriend.
But can I be raw today. Thanks. Cause these foolish talks and comments about the situation are pissing me off. If I hear another person say that my colleague should be mad at God, or that if it happened to them they would be mad at God, I'm gonna scream! FOR WHAT???? I guess I should consider the source, but folk better understand that our lives are driven by our choices. PERIOD. God doesn’t interfere with our choices. He gives us the choice of life or death and tells us what to choose. He actually gives us the answer to choose LIFE. But He doesn’t choose it for us. That’s up to us. So unfortunately, we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. The Bible says: For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is ETERNAL life through Jesus Christ our Lord. –Romans 6:23
In saying that, when we start looking pass going to Sunday church service for a quick fix just to get through the week, and look to eternal life, then we can start thanking God for things we don't understand instead of cursing Him. I’m soooo glad that through this tragic, it seems like my colleague hasn’t loss faith in God. Just hearing about her support circle, from her close friends to her husband’s close friends, to family and a host of other relatives and loved ones who have been at her side since she received the call……now that’s God.
This just brings me to another point. I was watching an extremely well-known, “word-teaching” tele-evangelist the other day and was utterly shocked at what I heard him say. He said, verbatim…… “forget about heaven, we need to learn how to live on earth now”. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe he said that. And fortunately/unfortunately that’s been his message for years. I say fortunately/unfortunately because fortunately I do believe that many folk have given their life to Christ under his ministry, but unfortunately because a lot of us are not getting the entire message. Living on earth is only half the story, and not the most important part. Eternal life should be our focus, not being successful on earth guising it under “ministry”. Until we can stop being caught up in our “destiny”, only then will we understand and accept the DESTINATION.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe that this popular tele-evangelist was called to lead God’s people while on earth—a Moses if you will, but somewhere I believe the purity of the message got tainted which led a huge paradigm shift in the Christian movement. Today, there are countless ministries that are focusing on earthly success and building earthly kingdoms, but very few are teaching on eternal life. So unfortunately, when things like death happens……folk, the ungodly, and some who call themselves Christians, don’t understand.
Now don’t get it twisted, I understand and DO NOT underestimate the affects of a loved one dying. Cause it hurts in every imaginable way. I’ve had my share. From my great grandparents who raised me dying at home with us, to my father dying suddenly on Fourth of July, to my maternal grandmother dying suddenly at 64 years-old of a heart attack with my sisters in the bed with her, to my 37 year-old uncle dropping dead in the house while I was visiting on school break, and just recently—2006—my 5 year-old niece dying suddenly. Those are just the few that occurred that interrupted my life. But trust when I tell you that the list goes on and on from aunt and uncles and cousins, to siblings and parents of my best girlfriends/guy friends. But what comforts and sustains us is that we know we will see our loved ones again. Cause that’s what we believe. And that’s what they believed. That’s Christianity.
Even still, though the emotional and mental pain still linger and probably will never fully heal, not once did I or do I blame God. And God forbid if my husband died, I’m sure I would hurt---more than I want to imagine---but I can guarantee……AND I VOW TO THE LORD…….I will never curse or blame Him. You gotta be real bold to even say some foolishness like that. Again, I gotta consider the source. It just goes to show how many folk who claim to be Christians TRULY believe in Christ. Cause if they did, they’d use their mouth to spread the Gospel, instead of focusing just on self.
I denounce unto you this day, that ye shall surely perish, and that ye shall not prolong your days upon the land, whither thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it. I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. --Deuteronomy 30:18-20
So yesterday I’m sitting at my desk in the groove of my day, jamming to J. Moss on Pandora, thanking God for His mercy and for sustaining my mind another hour, and my colleague hit me with a ton of bricks. She informs me that she’d just received a call that another one of our colleague’s---who works on a different floor---husband was killed in an accident on Sunday. My jaw dropped and my mouth was stuck opened. The three of us just hosted a retirement celebration together a couple of months ago and my colleague was telling us how she’s so glad that she has boys cause her husband knows how to handle them and their teenage boy issues. I remember her saying……. “I told my son....I don’t want to know [that], go tell your father!” We cracked up at the things she was sharing about her boys……and her husband. She was just so grateful and proud of her family. And now he’s gone. And she’s left with two teenage boys to raise alone. Umph.
This morning I called my colleague’s best girlfriend, who is also one of my good girlfriends, to check on her. She informed me that she has never cried so hard in all her life. Even my girlfriend, who went through a bitter divorce as well as loss her mother, said she's never cried so much in the last day. She said that her heart is so heavy for her friend. She said that when she arrived at the hospital, my colleague literally collapsed on the floor. That’s how things are going for my colleague, which is to be expected. So my prayers, LITERALLY, are going out for my colleague and her boys. And their loved ones. And for my girlfriend.
But can I be raw today. Thanks. Cause these foolish talks and comments about the situation are pissing me off. If I hear another person say that my colleague should be mad at God, or that if it happened to them they would be mad at God, I'm gonna scream! FOR WHAT???? I guess I should consider the source, but folk better understand that our lives are driven by our choices. PERIOD. God doesn’t interfere with our choices. He gives us the choice of life or death and tells us what to choose. He actually gives us the answer to choose LIFE. But He doesn’t choose it for us. That’s up to us. So unfortunately, we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. The Bible says: For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is ETERNAL life through Jesus Christ our Lord. –Romans 6:23
In saying that, when we start looking pass going to Sunday church service for a quick fix just to get through the week, and look to eternal life, then we can start thanking God for things we don't understand instead of cursing Him. I’m soooo glad that through this tragic, it seems like my colleague hasn’t loss faith in God. Just hearing about her support circle, from her close friends to her husband’s close friends, to family and a host of other relatives and loved ones who have been at her side since she received the call……now that’s God.
This just brings me to another point. I was watching an extremely well-known, “word-teaching” tele-evangelist the other day and was utterly shocked at what I heard him say. He said, verbatim…… “forget about heaven, we need to learn how to live on earth now”. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe he said that. And fortunately/unfortunately that’s been his message for years. I say fortunately/unfortunately because fortunately I do believe that many folk have given their life to Christ under his ministry, but unfortunately because a lot of us are not getting the entire message. Living on earth is only half the story, and not the most important part. Eternal life should be our focus, not being successful on earth guising it under “ministry”. Until we can stop being caught up in our “destiny”, only then will we understand and accept the DESTINATION.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe that this popular tele-evangelist was called to lead God’s people while on earth—a Moses if you will, but somewhere I believe the purity of the message got tainted which led a huge paradigm shift in the Christian movement. Today, there are countless ministries that are focusing on earthly success and building earthly kingdoms, but very few are teaching on eternal life. So unfortunately, when things like death happens……folk, the ungodly, and some who call themselves Christians, don’t understand.
Now don’t get it twisted, I understand and DO NOT underestimate the affects of a loved one dying. Cause it hurts in every imaginable way. I’ve had my share. From my great grandparents who raised me dying at home with us, to my father dying suddenly on Fourth of July, to my maternal grandmother dying suddenly at 64 years-old of a heart attack with my sisters in the bed with her, to my 37 year-old uncle dropping dead in the house while I was visiting on school break, and just recently—2006—my 5 year-old niece dying suddenly. Those are just the few that occurred that interrupted my life. But trust when I tell you that the list goes on and on from aunt and uncles and cousins, to siblings and parents of my best girlfriends/guy friends. But what comforts and sustains us is that we know we will see our loved ones again. Cause that’s what we believe. And that’s what they believed. That’s Christianity.
Even still, though the emotional and mental pain still linger and probably will never fully heal, not once did I or do I blame God. And God forbid if my husband died, I’m sure I would hurt---more than I want to imagine---but I can guarantee……AND I VOW TO THE LORD…….I will never curse or blame Him. You gotta be real bold to even say some foolishness like that. Again, I gotta consider the source. It just goes to show how many folk who claim to be Christians TRULY believe in Christ. Cause if they did, they’d use their mouth to spread the Gospel, instead of focusing just on self.
I denounce unto you this day, that ye shall surely perish, and that ye shall not prolong your days upon the land, whither thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it. I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. --Deuteronomy 30:18-20
Monday, March 9, 2009
Duty Calls
I’m startled by this weather!!! But I ain’t complaining. Last week this time I was in the bed watching the news and wondering when the snow would stop. This morning a completely different story. I had to find something cool to put on. Soon I’ll be taking out the sandals. Umph. Can’t wait.
Jury duty was the last thing I wanted to do last week. Especially on a Friday. I’d gotten the summons months ago, and thanks to my Blackberry I was reminded at the most inopportune time. Didn’t really want to do it, but I didn’t want to be at the office either. So I gladly informed my boss that I’d be out on Friday and relieved that I had some time outside of the norm. Weirdly, I wasn’t due to appear for duty until 1:00p, so I had all morning to get myself together. Seriously, I’ve been operating solely on Holy Ghost power. My mental, physical, and emotional strength has been short circuited the last few days.
Ok, so aside from my 24 year-old Godbrother dying suddenly last Sunday from complications of the flu, yes the FLU, I’ve been dealing with some other personal devastating news. Yes, yes when it rains it pours. But you know the routine…….I ain’t telling much here, but I do feel the need to release in the form of writing. It’s my therapy---to some degree. At least mentally. And though I can’t just bleed all over blogspot, I’ll just say this….my heart hurts.
So I woke up Friday morning answering several phone calls from my sistah circle. My sisters (naturally and spiritually) in which I trust with my most personal feelings. Every one of them had something to say about my “situation”. Their reaction. Their theory. Their insight. Their solution. Their advice. And so I listened. Took it all in stride. And valued their points of view. The last call came from one of my girlfriends. She was a little bothered after I had given her the full story. I had actually started telling her on Thursday, but didn’t finish. So we resumed just before I was to get dressed for jury duty. Her advice and reaction was common. As if I was totally destroyed and trying to find that one hole that contained the kryptonite that would make me SUPERWOMAN. It was a typical response and as I listened, I refused to accept all she was saying. So I had to stop her. I told her to not get it twisted. I had to let her know---and some of the others---that though the situation is devastating to the flesh, I’m okay cause I have Christ living on the inside of me. And that’s not rhetorical talk, that’s REAL. I have and will continue to stay in God’s will and so whatever journey the Lord takes me down to get me to the place in which He wants me…….then hey I’m in it to win it. At all costs. When I made a commitment to Christ it wasn’t conditional. I give Him ALL of me for HIS glory for I know anything outside of His will will take me out. Talk about being destroyed.
Basically, I had to explain to my girlfriend that had this happened five years ago or even two years ago I probably would have lost it all---including my life. But because my life is now functioning properly by putting God first, then He is my shield. There is nothing or nobody that can come in between my relationship with Christ and so I conduct my life with folk having to go through God to get to me. Period. My family accepts this. As well as my girlfriends and guy friends. I’m not settling and I will not compromise my relationship with God to fulfill fleshy desires or to please people.
In saying this…..from day ONE I sought God concerning the situation. Not one time did I give up, nor give in. And not one time did I close the door to God’s will being done. And so while the fleshly man hurts, the God in me, my Spirit man, is dancing with joy. Cause I remained obedient to God. And so while my girlfriend was trying to pull the……“now you shoulds”, I stopped her and told her, no I shouldn’t. Cause I DID already. I DID stay faithful to GOD and that’s all I was required to do, and all that I will continue to do. From being faithful to God over the last two years I’m learning how to love, be patient, endure, and understand and accept the voice of God. Surprisingly, I said this to her in the calmest tone. I guess I’m just physically tired. But the peace of God was sooo evident in my conversation with my girlfriend. It surprised her, and even me, cause I assume she was expecting me to be boiling over.
After I hung up with my girlfriend, I got dressed. But just when I was about to walk out the door she called me back. I was surprised to hear what she said. She told me that from our conversation she realized that she had been very shallow in her walk with the Lord and that she knows now she has to go deeper. She said she wants that assurance and confidence in God that if she has to walk alone she’ll be okay. She said she had been blessed by hearing me talk about the joy of the Lord in such a trying time. I just smiled. When we hung up the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said that if this “devastating” journey was just to get that one girlfriend to a deeper relationship with the Lord….then God’s Will was done. And I ain’t saying that it feels good or that I’d want this pain again, but the thought of that girlfriend going deeper with God---as brilliant as she is---then it was well worth it.
Even still. Though I know the Lord is getting the glory regardless with all that is happening, my mind was on overdrive as I drove to the Montgomery County court house for duty. The fleshly man was trying hard to be detective, doctor, fighter, and little girl. At one point I wanted to pull over and curl up in a fetal position. At another, cuss somebody out. But it wasn’t happening. Cause all those falsities were contradicting each other and trying to run havoc on my emotional well-being. So I turned up the volume on the radio and just started praising God. I refused to get caught up in the mental bondage.
After I pulled up to the court house and parked, I pulled out the summons to read the rest of the directions. I was confused and baffled trying to understand what the darn paper was saying. The summons said….CROSS OVER JEFFERSON STREET, STAYING ON MONROE. PROCEED ON MONROE TO THE SECOND HI-RISE BUILDING ON THE LEFT. But from where I was standing there was no second hi-rise building on Monroe next to the first hi-rise. What I saw was a tall hi-rise building on Jefferson, and the first one on Jefferson and Monroe as the paper read. But that was it. No more other hi-rise buildings. So I stood there having an argument with the summons. Then the Holy Spirit said…..Jill, just start walking up Monroe just like the summons instructed. Just be obedient. And so I proceeded, walking up the hill in my heels. As I was walking, the picture was becoming clearer and clearer. The hi-rise that appeared to be on Jefferson was actually the back side of the building. The front entrance was…..on Monroe next to the first one, as instructed. Without hesitation, I looked up to heaven and said……I gotcha Lord.
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: for length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: so shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. --Proverbs 3:1-6
Jury duty was the last thing I wanted to do last week. Especially on a Friday. I’d gotten the summons months ago, and thanks to my Blackberry I was reminded at the most inopportune time. Didn’t really want to do it, but I didn’t want to be at the office either. So I gladly informed my boss that I’d be out on Friday and relieved that I had some time outside of the norm. Weirdly, I wasn’t due to appear for duty until 1:00p, so I had all morning to get myself together. Seriously, I’ve been operating solely on Holy Ghost power. My mental, physical, and emotional strength has been short circuited the last few days.
Ok, so aside from my 24 year-old Godbrother dying suddenly last Sunday from complications of the flu, yes the FLU, I’ve been dealing with some other personal devastating news. Yes, yes when it rains it pours. But you know the routine…….I ain’t telling much here, but I do feel the need to release in the form of writing. It’s my therapy---to some degree. At least mentally. And though I can’t just bleed all over blogspot, I’ll just say this….my heart hurts.
So I woke up Friday morning answering several phone calls from my sistah circle. My sisters (naturally and spiritually) in which I trust with my most personal feelings. Every one of them had something to say about my “situation”. Their reaction. Their theory. Their insight. Their solution. Their advice. And so I listened. Took it all in stride. And valued their points of view. The last call came from one of my girlfriends. She was a little bothered after I had given her the full story. I had actually started telling her on Thursday, but didn’t finish. So we resumed just before I was to get dressed for jury duty. Her advice and reaction was common. As if I was totally destroyed and trying to find that one hole that contained the kryptonite that would make me SUPERWOMAN. It was a typical response and as I listened, I refused to accept all she was saying. So I had to stop her. I told her to not get it twisted. I had to let her know---and some of the others---that though the situation is devastating to the flesh, I’m okay cause I have Christ living on the inside of me. And that’s not rhetorical talk, that’s REAL. I have and will continue to stay in God’s will and so whatever journey the Lord takes me down to get me to the place in which He wants me…….then hey I’m in it to win it. At all costs. When I made a commitment to Christ it wasn’t conditional. I give Him ALL of me for HIS glory for I know anything outside of His will will take me out. Talk about being destroyed.
Basically, I had to explain to my girlfriend that had this happened five years ago or even two years ago I probably would have lost it all---including my life. But because my life is now functioning properly by putting God first, then He is my shield. There is nothing or nobody that can come in between my relationship with Christ and so I conduct my life with folk having to go through God to get to me. Period. My family accepts this. As well as my girlfriends and guy friends. I’m not settling and I will not compromise my relationship with God to fulfill fleshy desires or to please people.
In saying this…..from day ONE I sought God concerning the situation. Not one time did I give up, nor give in. And not one time did I close the door to God’s will being done. And so while the fleshly man hurts, the God in me, my Spirit man, is dancing with joy. Cause I remained obedient to God. And so while my girlfriend was trying to pull the……“now you shoulds”, I stopped her and told her, no I shouldn’t. Cause I DID already. I DID stay faithful to GOD and that’s all I was required to do, and all that I will continue to do. From being faithful to God over the last two years I’m learning how to love, be patient, endure, and understand and accept the voice of God. Surprisingly, I said this to her in the calmest tone. I guess I’m just physically tired. But the peace of God was sooo evident in my conversation with my girlfriend. It surprised her, and even me, cause I assume she was expecting me to be boiling over.
After I hung up with my girlfriend, I got dressed. But just when I was about to walk out the door she called me back. I was surprised to hear what she said. She told me that from our conversation she realized that she had been very shallow in her walk with the Lord and that she knows now she has to go deeper. She said she wants that assurance and confidence in God that if she has to walk alone she’ll be okay. She said she had been blessed by hearing me talk about the joy of the Lord in such a trying time. I just smiled. When we hung up the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said that if this “devastating” journey was just to get that one girlfriend to a deeper relationship with the Lord….then God’s Will was done. And I ain’t saying that it feels good or that I’d want this pain again, but the thought of that girlfriend going deeper with God---as brilliant as she is---then it was well worth it.
Even still. Though I know the Lord is getting the glory regardless with all that is happening, my mind was on overdrive as I drove to the Montgomery County court house for duty. The fleshly man was trying hard to be detective, doctor, fighter, and little girl. At one point I wanted to pull over and curl up in a fetal position. At another, cuss somebody out. But it wasn’t happening. Cause all those falsities were contradicting each other and trying to run havoc on my emotional well-being. So I turned up the volume on the radio and just started praising God. I refused to get caught up in the mental bondage.
After I pulled up to the court house and parked, I pulled out the summons to read the rest of the directions. I was confused and baffled trying to understand what the darn paper was saying. The summons said….CROSS OVER JEFFERSON STREET, STAYING ON MONROE. PROCEED ON MONROE TO THE SECOND HI-RISE BUILDING ON THE LEFT. But from where I was standing there was no second hi-rise building on Monroe next to the first hi-rise. What I saw was a tall hi-rise building on Jefferson, and the first one on Jefferson and Monroe as the paper read. But that was it. No more other hi-rise buildings. So I stood there having an argument with the summons. Then the Holy Spirit said…..Jill, just start walking up Monroe just like the summons instructed. Just be obedient. And so I proceeded, walking up the hill in my heels. As I was walking, the picture was becoming clearer and clearer. The hi-rise that appeared to be on Jefferson was actually the back side of the building. The front entrance was…..on Monroe next to the first one, as instructed. Without hesitation, I looked up to heaven and said……I gotcha Lord.
My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: for length of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: so shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. --Proverbs 3:1-6
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Promise
On top of all the things that’s clouded my mind the last few days, yesterday I got a very heart-wrenching discovery. I couldn’t wait to get home to my comforting zone. Don’t know how I got home since my body was numb.
Last night I lay still not knowing whether to cry or say thanks. So I did both. Then I thought about an old song by Ricky Dillard called The Promise that got me through the nineties. And so I went to my phone’s music store and downloaded it. I love Gospel/inspirational music, but there’s something about a song that’s taken directly from God’s word. As I listened, I thought about how the Lord got me through many hard times. Then I fell asleep. Peacefully.
Peace I give to you
My peace I leave with you
That’s the promise that I made
Be not weary or afraid
Though you’re troubled on every side
Look…..you’re not distressed
Perplexed, but not in despair
I said I'll never leave you
You’re persecuted, but not forsaken
Cast down, but not destroyed
That’s the promise that I made
When I said it, I didn’t hesitate
Oh what a promise, oh what a promise
That I made unto you
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed…………….. knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus……………. for which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day…………… for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. ---2 Corinthians 4
Last night I lay still not knowing whether to cry or say thanks. So I did both. Then I thought about an old song by Ricky Dillard called The Promise that got me through the nineties. And so I went to my phone’s music store and downloaded it. I love Gospel/inspirational music, but there’s something about a song that’s taken directly from God’s word. As I listened, I thought about how the Lord got me through many hard times. Then I fell asleep. Peacefully.
Peace I give to you
My peace I leave with you
That’s the promise that I made
Be not weary or afraid
Though you’re troubled on every side
Look…..you’re not distressed
Perplexed, but not in despair
I said I'll never leave you
You’re persecuted, but not forsaken
Cast down, but not destroyed
That’s the promise that I made
When I said it, I didn’t hesitate
Oh what a promise, oh what a promise
That I made unto you
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed…………….. knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus……………. for which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day…………… for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. ---2 Corinthians 4
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Not in the Week's Plan
Ugh!! Talk about an icky mood. Just figured out that perhaps I don’t suffer from Monday blues, but “first day back to work” blues. In any case, I’m here pushing and would rather be here than home moping.
Boy, where do I start. My weekend started off wonderful. My granddad’s birthday celebration was on Friday at my sister’s house and we had a ball. It was 3:00am when everybody started pulling out. I ended up staying at my sister’s since we had to do Strike Force on Saturday. Ain’t no since in trekking all the way up to da’Burg. So I grabbed a comforter and pillow, and crashed on the floor.
Saturday evening I was worn out. When I’d gotten home I called my mother just to check in. She was still entertaining out-of-town guests so she didn’t attend Strike Force with us. But she told me that our Godbrother, Joe Joe, wasn’t feeling well, had the flu. His grandmother had called the house for somebody to come around to pray for him. Of course my step-father went rushing over. The good Elder. Anything for the Holmes. They’ve been so good to us over the years. Especially Mama Holmes being my youngest sister’s Godmother. My mother had told me that their entire household had had the flu, but Joe Joe’s seemingly got worse. I thought about a few days prior when I made myself purchase a $15 bottle of Vitamin C. I take them faithfully. And notice a difference even with my sinuses.
On Sunday, I was utterly exhausted. But I had errands to run and things to do. So I pulled myself out the bed at around 10am, washed and set my hair, went to the grocery store, cooked dinner, and straightened up the house. At about 3pm-ish, after hearing the breaking news that we were getting hit with a snow storm, I slowed down. Cause for me that means……..I ain’t going to work so no need to prepare. No, no, no…….don’t do the ice/snow outdoors. So I slowed down, laid across my bed and took a nap.
At about 4:30pm, my phone was ringing off the hook. I looked at the caller ID and it was my mother. When I answered I was hit with…………….JILL, JOE JOE DIED!!!!! I thought I was dreaming. I’m like WHAT????? My mother was screaming and hollering at the top of her lungs. It just didn’t make sense. To nobody. How can a healthy, 24 year-old in the prime of his life just all of a sudden die!!!!!! It’s my understanding that he refused to go to the hospital. Didn’t want to. And nobody could make him go. When things got as bad as they could, Mama Holmes called an ambulance. Joe Joe died before they reached PG Hospital.
By 6pm-ish, the hospital was flooded with family and friends. I didn’t go. A little too far for me to travel. But bad enough I have to go to his funeral. Man, that don’t even sound right. I can only imagine how that will be. Just hearing my family in tripping-out mode is enough for me. But they all went to the hospital and cried around his bed. They said grown men were standing over him crying. Then they packed him up and sent him out to Baltimore---the coroner’s office.
My younger sisters are maintaining----in lala mode. They’re totally confused. One sister, the youngest, we're trying to get home from school in Charlotte, NC. Not a good idea for her to drive. When I called to check in on her she couldn't stop crying. And the other one was just with Joe Joe on Tuesday and he told her that his body was so tired and weak. Could that had been the clue for her to suggest seeing a doctor. Who knows. No blame game here. Perhaps it could have been prevented, but to me…….I think he got a glimpse of heaven and didn’t want to come back. Especially after we’re told that he put everybody out of his room on Saturday night and told them he had to pray. Joe Joe not only knew the Lord, but the Lord knew him. They had a relationship. And it was evident in his walk. That’s how he was raised.
Sometimes I believe that the Lord allows things to happen to wake us up. We cannot continue to take our lives for granted. Sweating the small stuff.........not no more. It ain't worth it. Cause one day we're here and the next we're gone.
Umph. Just when you think you got things planned and figured out…….a funeral trumps it all. Umph. Who’da thought.
Boy, where do I start. My weekend started off wonderful. My granddad’s birthday celebration was on Friday at my sister’s house and we had a ball. It was 3:00am when everybody started pulling out. I ended up staying at my sister’s since we had to do Strike Force on Saturday. Ain’t no since in trekking all the way up to da’Burg. So I grabbed a comforter and pillow, and crashed on the floor.
Saturday evening I was worn out. When I’d gotten home I called my mother just to check in. She was still entertaining out-of-town guests so she didn’t attend Strike Force with us. But she told me that our Godbrother, Joe Joe, wasn’t feeling well, had the flu. His grandmother had called the house for somebody to come around to pray for him. Of course my step-father went rushing over. The good Elder. Anything for the Holmes. They’ve been so good to us over the years. Especially Mama Holmes being my youngest sister’s Godmother. My mother had told me that their entire household had had the flu, but Joe Joe’s seemingly got worse. I thought about a few days prior when I made myself purchase a $15 bottle of Vitamin C. I take them faithfully. And notice a difference even with my sinuses.
On Sunday, I was utterly exhausted. But I had errands to run and things to do. So I pulled myself out the bed at around 10am, washed and set my hair, went to the grocery store, cooked dinner, and straightened up the house. At about 3pm-ish, after hearing the breaking news that we were getting hit with a snow storm, I slowed down. Cause for me that means……..I ain’t going to work so no need to prepare. No, no, no…….don’t do the ice/snow outdoors. So I slowed down, laid across my bed and took a nap.
At about 4:30pm, my phone was ringing off the hook. I looked at the caller ID and it was my mother. When I answered I was hit with…………….JILL, JOE JOE DIED!!!!! I thought I was dreaming. I’m like WHAT????? My mother was screaming and hollering at the top of her lungs. It just didn’t make sense. To nobody. How can a healthy, 24 year-old in the prime of his life just all of a sudden die!!!!!! It’s my understanding that he refused to go to the hospital. Didn’t want to. And nobody could make him go. When things got as bad as they could, Mama Holmes called an ambulance. Joe Joe died before they reached PG Hospital.
By 6pm-ish, the hospital was flooded with family and friends. I didn’t go. A little too far for me to travel. But bad enough I have to go to his funeral. Man, that don’t even sound right. I can only imagine how that will be. Just hearing my family in tripping-out mode is enough for me. But they all went to the hospital and cried around his bed. They said grown men were standing over him crying. Then they packed him up and sent him out to Baltimore---the coroner’s office.
My younger sisters are maintaining----in lala mode. They’re totally confused. One sister, the youngest, we're trying to get home from school in Charlotte, NC. Not a good idea for her to drive. When I called to check in on her she couldn't stop crying. And the other one was just with Joe Joe on Tuesday and he told her that his body was so tired and weak. Could that had been the clue for her to suggest seeing a doctor. Who knows. No blame game here. Perhaps it could have been prevented, but to me…….I think he got a glimpse of heaven and didn’t want to come back. Especially after we’re told that he put everybody out of his room on Saturday night and told them he had to pray. Joe Joe not only knew the Lord, but the Lord knew him. They had a relationship. And it was evident in his walk. That’s how he was raised.
Sometimes I believe that the Lord allows things to happen to wake us up. We cannot continue to take our lives for granted. Sweating the small stuff.........not no more. It ain't worth it. Cause one day we're here and the next we're gone.
Umph. Just when you think you got things planned and figured out…….a funeral trumps it all. Umph. Who’da thought.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I Forgive
Ok, so I had a deep conversation with one of my girlfriend’s earlier this week. You know I ain’t spilling it all here, but I feel the need to expound on the lesson it’s giving me. Anyway……my girlfriend’s been going through years of turmoil with a close loved one. And in e